Addicted to all highs

I’d take anything that could give me a buzz. and I mean ANYTHING. if I were desperate enough, I’d probably drink diesel out of a jerry can. now im trying to embrace sobriety but the withdrawals are getting me down. physical withdrawals i can take. but the mental and emotional part is hard. how does everyone else deal with recovery?? what motivates you guys to stay clean?? i try and think about how disgusting it is to be so helplessly addicted to highs but that doesn’t always seem to stop me. I get obsessive thoughts about getting high. which is the main thing that drives me to use. now im just trying to use pure will power to stay sober. it’s really hard. especially when I’m surrounded by users who don’t think they have a problem. or surrounded by people (sober or not) who don’t believe i have a problem.

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Well one thing I can see immediately is that you’re still hanging out with users. That’s not gonna end well. If you hang out in a barbershop you’re gonna end up getting a haircut.

Handling the physical withdraw gives you a good start but you are absolutely correct in needing to handle the mental as well. AA and NA are good programs for that bc you’re surrounded by people just like you who have learned to live an awesome life without using. There’s also awesome literature from both programs that can get you through the time between meetings. They have meetings in a lot of countries so you are probably in luck there. If a meeting is far away online options exist and I know you can get on the internet lol.

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I use the word awesome to much. You guys need to start calling me out on that. Makes me look like a door to door salesman.

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Also this forum is enter synonym for awesome because you can get good advice and have fun. There’s plenty of threads that aren’t necessarily recovery related but are more focused on fellowship and friendship. I have a very active social life right now and still make sure I get a couple hours a day on here cutting it up with the gang lol.

Yinz (@Meggers that’s for you) know who I’m talking about :grin:

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the thing is, some of these users include my family. no running away from that. I do have the NA “bible” and I do have a couple of recovering friends that i reach out too as well. but I’m not so keen on attending a meeting. just not comfortable with the idea just yet. but talking here doesnt intimidate me at all hahaa

music definitely helps!

You’d be surprised who you can cut out when it comes down to recovery. When the pain becomes too great and we become willing to do whatever it takes recovery is then possible. If you want just try sitting in on a meeting. You don’t have to share.

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That’s a much better way of saying what I was trying to say lol. You’re so loquacious (word of the day alert, even though I didn’t use it quite right…)

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u are absolutely right.

did i just reply myself… hahahaa this was for u c-sun

Welcome to the forum. If it is sobriety that you seek, this is a good beginning.

You have to embark on the path to self-mastery. This begins with self-discipline. You need to take a self-inventory, and be brutally honest with yourself. Notice I keep using the word “Self”? Sobriety is about YOU! Your decision. Your walk. Your failures and your victories. If your friends and family are using, you need to get some space between you and them, until such time that you have developed enough self-discipline, have established a sober support network (which can be as few as one or two hardcore sober accountability partners), that you can be around your family. Your friends that are using? DX them.

If you want to be clean and sober, you can be clean and sober. It is 100% your choice, and 100% within your ability to achieve. You just have to decide to get after it, and be willing to do anything, try anything to get clean and sober.

Find a meeting. Work a program. Find a sponsor. Live on this forum. Radically change your life, because it is indeed a matter of life or death. Realize and accept that you have a terminal illness. Addiction will kill you. Maybe slowly. Maybe quickly. But the road only goes to one place: death. Realize and accept that you have the power to send this terminal illness into permanent remission, by getting clean and sober. Something else may get you one day, but you can decide that is won’t be drugs or alcohol.

If it’s important we find a way. If it isn’t, we find an excuse.

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QUESTION. does the desire to use ever go away?? does the obsessive need to get high ever go away?? with time and will power i mean. if I stay sober long enough will i eventually stop feeling the need to get high? its a bloody irritating feeling

I’m an alcoholic. I can report that after an 11 month relapse, sobriety finally stuck for me. I haven’t had a single urge to drink, since I decided to quit on December 3, 2017. None. Zilch. Nada.

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to be completely honest. I’m put off by most drugs now. and alcohol as well. because using these substances bring out the worst in me. I’ll never forget. but my real struggle now is with weed. it was an antidote to all other drug/alcohol related problems and discomforts. heck, it was an antidote to all life problems or discomforts :joy: unfortunately, i HAVE to stay sober. it has become a problem because I let my life revolve around weed. i put weed before everything else. I refused to do anything sober. i lie to feed my addiction. which means it has gotten just as bad as any addiction minus the insanity that comes with most other drug/alcohol use. or maybe that’s just me?

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by program do u mean meetings?

I remember the exact moment the obsession was lifted for me. December 1, 2017 around 3:00 p.m. At that point I had 30 days clean and had just gotten home from rehab. I was terrified and I was alone. I didn’t know what else to do so I got down on my knees and begged, not prayed, but begged God to help me bc I couldn’t do it on my own. Let me tell you, I’m not exactly a religious person, but after that I felt so much lighter. There have been a few moments of urges since then but the only last a few minutes. Honestly it almost feels like I’m cheating bc I turned it over to my higher power to do the heavy lifting. I didn’t do any of this on my own. Now that I do AA and NA I’ve learned how to keep that contact with my higher power and my life gets better each day.

If you don’t prescribe to God per se find a higher power that works for you. Religion doesn’t matter, but being spiritual can change your life if you let it.

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There’s always hope my friend. I was just like you too. My drug of choice was please followed by more. I actually did the ole gas rag huff in my younger days. The fact that I’m not braindead or dead dead for that matter speaks volumes for my higher power. I really didn’t want to live anymore. I fantasized about dying on a daily basis. I even had a couple half-assed attempts at intentional od’s. I’ve lost jobs, ruined relationships, stolen, lied and generally set fire to the world around me.

Now, not only am I clean, but I’m happy. I couldn’t function in the real world with or without drugs. Now, in a few weeks I start a full-time job again.

I really need to stress that I’ve done none of this on my own. I work my program each day like I used to chase drugs. I listen to my sponsor as if he were buddha. I go to meetings and follow the suggestions of the people who have decades of clean time. I pray like it’s going out of style. And I spend as much time as possible helping others and giving away what was so freely given to me.

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That last paragraph, thank you. I thought it was just me… Was feeling so guilty about all the things you mentioned.

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Screw reading books on recovery. Let’s just publish the memoirs of @C-sun. I know some one who writes for huffpo

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This. Can you put this under sober quotes too?

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