There’s always hope my friend. I was just like you too. My drug of choice was please followed by more. I actually did the ole gas rag huff in my younger days. The fact that I’m not braindead or dead dead for that matter speaks volumes for my higher power. I really didn’t want to live anymore. I fantasized about dying on a daily basis. I even had a couple half-assed attempts at intentional od’s. I’ve lost jobs, ruined relationships, stolen, lied and generally set fire to the world around me.
Now, not only am I clean, but I’m happy. I couldn’t function in the real world with or without drugs. Now, in a few weeks I start a full-time job again.
I really need to stress that I’ve done none of this on my own. I work my program each day like I used to chase drugs. I listen to my sponsor as if he were buddha. I go to meetings and follow the suggestions of the people who have decades of clean time. I pray like it’s going out of style. And I spend as much time as possible helping others and giving away what was so freely given to me.