by program do u mean meetings?
For me. There is also SMART and if you’re into church there are church programs but I forget the name of them.
I remember the exact moment the obsession was lifted for me. December 1, 2017 around 3:00 p.m. At that point I had 30 days clean and had just gotten home from rehab. I was terrified and I was alone. I didn’t know what else to do so I got down on my knees and begged, not prayed, but begged God to help me bc I couldn’t do it on my own. Let me tell you, I’m not exactly a religious person, but after that I felt so much lighter. There have been a few moments of urges since then but the only last a few minutes. Honestly it almost feels like I’m cheating bc I turned it over to my higher power to do the heavy lifting. I didn’t do any of this on my own. Now that I do AA and NA I’ve learned how to keep that contact with my higher power and my life gets better each day.
If you don’t prescribe to God per se find a higher power that works for you. Religion doesn’t matter, but being spiritual can change your life if you let it.
There’s always hope my friend. I was just like you too. My drug of choice was please followed by more. I actually did the ole gas rag huff in my younger days. The fact that I’m not braindead or dead dead for that matter speaks volumes for my higher power. I really didn’t want to live anymore. I fantasized about dying on a daily basis. I even had a couple half-assed attempts at intentional od’s. I’ve lost jobs, ruined relationships, stolen, lied and generally set fire to the world around me.
Now, not only am I clean, but I’m happy. I couldn’t function in the real world with or without drugs. Now, in a few weeks I start a full-time job again.
I really need to stress that I’ve done none of this on my own. I work my program each day like I used to chase drugs. I listen to my sponsor as if he were buddha. I go to meetings and follow the suggestions of the people who have decades of clean time. I pray like it’s going out of style. And I spend as much time as possible helping others and giving away what was so freely given to me.
That last paragraph, thank you. I thought it was just me… Was feeling so guilty about all the things you mentioned.
Screw reading books on recovery. Let’s just publish the memoirs of @C-sun. I know some one who writes for huffpo
Sure! Your addiction wants you to feel guilty. Sometimes the people around you that dont know how to support you want you to feel guilty for not towing the line, so to speak. At this stage you are the weak one and your addiction is well fed. After the first 3 or so months the tables turn a little bit. Its weaker, hungrier, bled out a bit while you are a little stronger. This is also an important phase to focus hard on your program with because your addiction will take some distance and exersize some cunning as to when it will strike because it has limited energy and knows your weak points. The most important thing to remember in this phase is that every day you are getting more sober that your habit is doing pushups in the parking lot. A progressive disease baffled all logic by still thriving without feeding. It just cant do you any real damage if you dont pick up again. Unless you use it is just a bully with a big fucking mouth.
This. Can you put this under sober quotes too?
Sure. I dont care.
I’m not sure if this is the best advice but I’m also someone who is addicted to ‘all kinds of highs’ including risky/dangerous behaviour.
I put it down to my CPTSD/BPD.
But the point I was going to make is ‘highs’ don’t have to be bad! Im sober 42 days and this past 6 weeks has been a journey of ups and downs to find out what’s missing from my life thats caused me to live the life i was stuck in and consume alcohol to fill the void.
It took a bit of time but I’m now replacing the ‘bad highs’ with healthy ones for example:-
Taking my dogs out for long walks in the woods
Early morning drives to somewhere new ive never been when I normally would be hungover
These are just my examples but there’s so much out there like cliff jumping, travelling, painting, learning new skills…You dont need to hurt yourself and put yourself in danger to feel things.