Coming from an alcoholic mother ( recovered 30 yrs) I knew i was going to have a battle . Over the past few years it has gone completely out of control and i hate myself so much . I just want to stop fucking around and stay sober longer than 2 damn days . My kids deserve a mother who is sober . I am very devoted to my boys but i know my oldest is seeing my alcohol consumption is way out of control . Example halloween- i drank 7 mini bottles of liquor vodkas , fireballs , just a mix . And a bottle of wine . Im 5’1 120 lbs ! I drink most men under the table how sad is that . Ive had so much pain in my life that drinking keeps me from feeling real life . Lost my mother young , lost my boyfriend to a bike accident, lost my daughter to SIDS . It goes on and on . . Im losing myself more and more . I just want to not crave a drink when it hits 12pm . Ive gotten really bad and its terrifying. Once my hangover is over and two days pass i feel normal again and then i drink . Its a vicious cycle . I know all anout AA as i grew up in the rooms with my mom getting sober when i was 6 years old. She died sober and had always been scared for me bc of my drinking from a young age . I can feel the change . I can see it on my face and i hate what i see . One minute at a time . I just want to be a better me . Why is it so damn hard … i had a beer earlier today after drinking all that shit last night . I was present for my boys to trick or treat but i wasnt really there bc i was drinking more than taking in the moments that i will never get back . I have had enough of my shit . Today i am stepping back and going one minute at a time . I need this change .
Thanks for shearing this experience with us
I needed this shear tonight
Keep reading and posting 
I told my hubby to get rid of everything ! I dont want to see a beer can or anything on this property . I feel like i am ready but then a stressful day hits me or a nice day . I mean i use everything for a reason honestly . When day two or three comes its hard to stay away from a cold beer or glass of wine . I am drinking shit i never would drink like gin just bc its available. Im so tired i just need to make this happen but my hubby likes to drink too so we are each others support and sabotagers. It sucks 
You have motivation and some tools, so you are better set up for success than a lot of us were. Do what you need to do to get a sober head on your pillow tonight and let tomorrow worry about itself. What steps can you take to grow your sobriety? Who or what programs can you call? When will you dump out your stash?
You deserve a sober life. Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
He wants to stop too . We are each others down falls each time . He is extremely supportive of this and knows i need it . As he does too but i need to focus on me . I am starting to have suicidal thoughts when im hammered i have to stop it now before i do something that could ruin my childrens lives . I really just need to get through tomorrow. Im going to do everything in my power to make it past 3 damn days . So pathetic 
Nope - this is hard work, and lots of us, me included, failed to meet our goals time and again. It is sad and discouraging, but it is also human, and part of the letting go of the booze. But those of us here and sober managed to stop before it killed us or we killed ourselves intentionally or not.
The rest of the world will gladly accept the task of beating up on us sots. We don’t need to do it ourselves - so be gentler with yourself. You deserve a sober life.
Thank you so much for your responses . I will keep all these things in mind and work them as i go ahead each day . Im sober tonight . Im happy about that .
Welcome to TS! Glad you are here. It’s great that your husband also wants to stop. And you’re right about getting alcohol out of the house. If the two of you are committed to breaking free of this addiction, you will ! But it’s gonna take time and effort. And tools. A set of strategies that you can depend on. There are lots of resources, and @SinceIAwoke has already got you started.
Wishing you great success, one day at a time!
Welcome! Glad you found us. Im on day 15 (had a couple years but went back out). The first couple days it was easier for me to not want a drink because I was in bad shape, but like you said when I started to feel better the thought of drinking again popped into my head. I am taking it one day, hour, minute, or even second at a time if need be. You can to!
I dont know how my mom did it . My desire is so strong it takes control of everything and i become selfish and just give in to it . I just want to not feel this way. I wish i was a social drinker or not a drinker at all . The cards ive been dealt have really been shitty and i just gave up . I dont want to live like this anymore. But damn i love to drink . Its a dirty liar and im going to lose everyone and everything if i dont get my shit together . Its just scary and hard
Im in the same boat but with pot
I think i need to share outloud daily to start
I can do that at online aa meetings or even to my wife
I just have to talk more outload
Same ! If i keep talking about how much i hate it im hoping i will actually stay away from it longer than a few days . We got this ! Im joining some meetings online too im not ready for in person .
Yes it is scary and hard. Take comfort in knowing that so many people have done it which means YOU CAN TO!