I’ve always been a firm believer in choice. I was convinced that the white knuckle, cold turkey approach was my path. So far I’ve been amazed to watch myself walk right back to the addiction time and time again. It’s like my conscious mind is a spectator, unable to re-gain control. My addictive mind over the years has become a master at deceit and deception. At some point I think I’ll have to give in and admit that I’m not the one driving.
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It seems hard when we’re trying too hard on our own. To give it over and release it is so freeing. To lay down our stubbornness and take the help offered around us is powerful in its own right
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Very well said. I feel you…we all do. I’m having trouble with it as well but the one think I keep telling myself, it is possible. If you are even semi involved with the recovery community, you know that it is possible. It might be tough, it might take some time, but WE can do it, let’s keep pushing and make it happen. We all need help, and this is a fantastic start…
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I couldn’t agree more my friend, all we can do is take one moment at a time…one craving at a time…I think or at least I hope…the small victorys are meaningful😉
I honestly beleive that admitting you have a problem and are Not in control…is and huge step…I never came to that conclusion until now…
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Well put, OTR - it’s as though our conscious mind’s a spectator. So true!
Reversing this seems to come within blocks of time, the first few days of being sober, a week, 2 weeks, 30 days.
I’m heading (slowly!) to 60 now and the spectator’s now my addictive mind. The ‘pre-booze me’ is back in the driving seat, but I don’t recognise ‘that me’ entirely, and I don’t recognise ‘drunk me’ apart from being an annoyance.
Sort of like being in No-Man’s Land, but getting closer towards the good guy’s side, while trying to avoid the mines!