Advice: Am I an alcoholic?

Hi all! Names Amanda. I’m 26 from FL.

I didn’t start drinking until late 2018. But now that I do drink, it’s been just about a daily thing ever since. I went sober for 30 days at one point, but that went downhill fast.

I guess the reason why I ask is because I always feel shame and guilt about my drinking, and I have the tendency to not know my limits. But people drink all the time, and don’t feel guilty. Is the difference between them and me my shame?

My big question is - when do you know you’re an alcoholic? What are the signs?

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First and foremost, only you can decide whether or not you’re an alcoholic.

I can only speak for myself, but I knew I was alcoholic because I had a mental obsession and physical allergy to alcohol. Meaning that when I wasn’t drinking, I was constantly thinking about drinking (getting that first drink, how I would hide the alcohol, plotting my next bender, etc) and when I was drinking, all I was thinking about was how I could consume more and more. I never drank for taste, I drank purely for what alcohol did to me, which was alter my mind and help make me numb.

There can be many signs, and everyone can give their experience of how they came to the realization, but ultimately you have to decide if you’re an alcoholic yourself.

Hope this helps!

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Thank you so much for this insight! I truthfully feel that way. I obsess about it it seems, and I don’t even realize I am doing it!

Then I hide cans and bottles and lie to my husband about if I went out to get more. I’m not honest with myself, and I really need to be.

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Good question

Do you feel like your drinking too much?

Does your energy go up 1000% when your drinking?

Do you drink to get drunk?

Do you get too drunk?

Is drinking interfering with your life?

Do you think of using other substances when you drink?

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Alcoholism is progressive.

Stage One: Pre-Alcoholic

During the pre-alcoholic stage, there is little evidence of problem drinking. Much of the behavior during this phase would look typical to a casual observer. Drinking is primarily social at the beginning of this stage. However, as this stage progresses, drinking is used with increasingly greater frequency as a means for stress reduction. The major physiological characteristic of this phase is that the person begins to develop a tolerance for alcohol. This means that he or she can drink ever larger amounts of alcohol while still functioning. Eventually, it takes large amounts of alcohol to result in inebriation. If you are wondering if you are in the pre-alcoholic stage, ask yourself if you drink to make yourself feel better, or if you drink because the people around you are drinking and it is socially appropriate. If you are drinking manageable amounts in social settings, than you most likely do not need to be overly worried. However, if you are drinking to make yourself feel better, to avoid worrying, to forget bad memories, or to reduce anxiety, you may be in the pre-alcoholic stage. Also be wary of drinking to relieve physical pain, which can escalate. If you are drinking to dull physical pain, make an appointment with your doctor to discuss the problem.

Stage Two: Early Alcoholic

After you have suffered your first alcohol-related black out, you are in the early alcoholic stage. This stage is characterized by a growing discomfort with drinking combined with an inability to resist it. You may find yourself lying about drinking to friends or loved ones. You might also hide drinks, such as by spiking your soda or coffee when no one else is around. During this stage, your tolerance of alcohol continues to grow. You might also become obsessed with thoughts of alcohol.

Stage Three: Middle Alcoholic

In the middle alcoholic stage the symptoms of alcoholism usually become obvious to friend and family members. You may begin missing work or social obligations because of drinking or hangovers. You might drink at inappropriate times, such as when caring for your children, driving, or at work. You also may become increasingly irritable, arguing with your spouse or friends. Your body will begin to change because of alcohol abuse. You may develop facial redness, stomach bloating, sluggishness, weight gain, or weight loss. In this stage, you might make several attempts to stop drinking and even attend support groups. Support groups, as well as other forms of treatment, can be effective. Many who struggle with alcohol abuse are able to successfully control urges to drink with help. To find a support group or detox program, call us.

Stage Four: Late Alcoholic

During the late alcoholic stage, the effects of long-term alcohol abuse are apparent, and serious health problems may develop. Drinking becomes an all-day affair, and everything in life, including family and friends, takes a backseat to drinking. If job loss has not already occurred, it frequently happens in this stage. Diseases caused by drinking may develop, such as cirrhosis of the liver or dementia. Paranoia is characteristic of this stage, as well. Late-stage alcoholics might also become overly fearful and not be able to explain why. Attempts to stop drinking may be characterized by tremors or hallucinations. However, even the last stages of alcoholism can be helped with therapy, detoxification, and rehabilitation. Call us for confidential help finding a program to meet your needs.

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Welcome Amanda! Good question, for me I know I’m a problem drinker so as Jason says I may be on my way to becoming alcoholic so I’m just saying no more with the advice of my sponsor.

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I can speak for myself only. I started drinking for effect and as my tolerane elevated, I drank more to get the same buzz-tipsyness-drunk. The last 4-5 years of my drinking it was daily after work and double drunk on my days off. Morning drinks were common on days off. I am an alcoholic and if any of my roll sounds like yours, you might be as well.

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Only you can decide. It sounds like alcohol is causing you problems so you are at least most likely a problem drinker. Welcome to the group :slightly_smiling_face:

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I had this question when I first started looking into sobriety too. While there are absolutely frameworks and definitions for the word ‘alcoholic’, really it is quite a broad term. Not to mention a subjective and personal thing as to when someone feels their drinking has become a problem. In terms of practical application, it is used within AA mainly as far as I can tell.

Alcohol use disorder is a diagnosis that can be made and the World Health Organization has guidance around some simple screening questions which can be used by health professionals, often the type of questions you will see come up on the ‘am I an alcoholic’ quiz things on the internet.

Personally, I always associated the idea of alcoholism with having a physical dependence on alcohol so it’s something I didn’t relate to so much. But I still scored pretty high on the are you an alcoholic/ do you have a drinking problem (etc) type tests. For me the important thing is less about what it’s called, more about recognising that there was an issue and doing something about it.

Also something I thought about a lot! And I realised a lot of people who drink a lot do feel the shame - phrases like hangxiety and beer fear are pretty common. For many heavy drinkers, this is just a fact of life that they feel they have to accept because the prospect of not drinking just doesn’t seem like an option. I know that was true for me until I realised that there is actually a choice here!

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These comments suggest to me that you have something to work on. Label it however you want.
Welcome to the forum. This is a great place to start.

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If alcohol is starting to interfere in your life or has already, it seems you have reached out to the right group. Wow, what honesty, well done. You’re off to great first steps in changing for the better. Stay strong, honest and humble and will will all be cheering for you. God Bless your journey.

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You’ll know when you know.

One of the best requirements of whom may become an alcoholic that I’ve heard is, someone with a genetic predisposition to chemical dependency and has also experienced trauma (little t and/or big T).

I have that predisposition to chemical dependency (runs in the family). When I drink, I can’t stop. When I do drugs, I can’t stop. When I was young, I was bullied a lot (little t trauma), so I used alcohol to fit in later in life (worked a little too well).

I knew I was an alcoholic when I started moving the goal posts. I’d tell my self “I will quit when I lose my job from drinking” or “when I get a DUI”. Both those things happened but I kept drinking. It was irrational, and it was getting worse.

I knew when I knew, that I was an alcoholic. Unfortunately, it still took me several years to quit.

Regardless of whether you are or aren’t, you’ve got the best years of your life ahead of you, how cool would it be to live them sober!

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Thank you all so very much for this information. From the bottom of my heart.

I think my biggest fear with saying I am an alcoholic, and telling myself I am one and accepting this is the stigma and the change. My husbands drinks, often, but knows his limit. Having to admit to him I am one and he probably is too is going to be awful.

Like, I KNOW I have a problem. I KNOW and I SEE the damage it’s doing to me. But I haven’t been able to be completely honest about any of this. I just hide and lie. It’s lonely and depressing.

When I am sober, I love me! I love my life and I love who I am. The 30 days I referenced were the best. But I also know me and I know I love to drink. That’s my problem. I smoke too, and I overall just do not take care of myself. I don’t know why I am like this. I wish there was a switch I could flip that made me care and made me want to be healthier and happier.

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Recovering alcoholics are some of the very best people I’ve ever met. This disease has opened my mind and heart in ways i don’t think would’ve been possible otherwise. There is a stigma, and it is scary in the beginning but once you except it, it is very, very liberating!

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You don’t have to say you’re an alcoholic if you don’t want to :slight_smile: For some people it is helpful and more power to them.

This sounds like a pretty good thing to focus on. Who cares about the label, just do what makes you happy. That should make your loved ones happy too!

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WKS aka wet brain is real and, from my experience, misdiagnosed often. I was surprised to find that I had had this 3 times, almost dying twice, IN MY 30’s. I didn’t even know it was a thing until recently and I have never heard of it discussed in any treatment setting.
https://www.alcohol.org/effects/wernicke-korsakoff-syndrome/

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I think my biggest fear with saying I am an alcoholic…is the stigma and the change.

It’s good to recognize your fears. I was worried about stigma as well, until my drinking brought me to the place where everyone knew I was a drunk. I take pride today in admitting to the people who need to know that I am a recovered alcoholic.

The fear of change is probably a human condition, not exclusive to us alcoholics. Whatever the case, my particular thought disorder ran along the lines of I’d rather have the hellish chaos of drinking than the unknown challenges of sobriety. I was afraid that if I stopped killing myself, I might die!

I prefer to stay sober today and let tomorrow’s challenges come as they will. I have faith that every little thing is gonna be alright.
:pray:

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We all figure out were we fall or how far we have too before we start to manage recovering from the damage of alcohol. 1 is too much and 1000 not enough. If we are truely honest with ourselves we can kind of figure how progressive the alcoholism has become in our lives and start working on our sobriety. Wish you well take it easy and take care. God bless🙏

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Thanks for sharing! I agree, that only you can decide whether you’re alcoholic, because it’s important not to be pushed by others. As for me, it started with googling about stages of alcoholism, and i was in denial when i read about symptoms i 100% had, i still told myself i am on stage 0. It kept getting worse, and i reached out to community for help. Listening to AA speakers online i could see i am just like these people. So much in common. Shame, hiding, being unable to manage anything. Maybe since then i was ready to say i’m an alcoholic. It’s easier to do it in a group of recovering people, because here finally nobody blames you. Alcoholism is a disease, i learned to be compassionate to myself as a woman alcoholic. I would not say it’s easy to 100% admit i’m an alcoholic, but since i first wrote to TS forum, since i went to AA and another program, something shifted. I can’t use like before, because i know too much to be in denial. It got better. I only know that talking to other people in recovery gives you relief and encourages to be on the path to recovery, which includes self care and self-compassion, it is a ray of light, when you’re alone, depressed and hiding. I wish you to keep reaching out, and find your way. It gets better, if you do it.

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Thank you all so much for your feedback! I’ve definitely decided to go with the sober life. I appreciate you all so much!

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