Day 1: I woke up this morning and just said “I’m done”. So, here I am.
For me, alcohol has caused MY anxiety and depression. And in turn, I drink because I am anxious and depressed.
So my question is: how do you get out of that brutal never-ending cycle?
Thanks!
The shortest possible answer is:
One day at a time.
Or one minute at a time.
I sent this in a DM to someone earlier, hopefully it can help you. Take what you need from it and leave the rest.
I joined AA and worked the 12 step program. I know a lot of people are anti AA but seriously I was pretty desperate after my last relapse, I had been sober 5 months and completely blew up for about 3 months of on off drinking. If you are not sure about AA I would just suggest you at least read the Doctors opinion in the AA big book, see if it makes sense to you and message me to let me know what you think. Just Google search it and you’ll find it.
On top of that I have really changed my thinking to positive thinking processes, I take the words I’m a thinking and try to make them positive, for example if you are craving and you are telling yourself “I don’t want to drink” try changing this to “I want to be sober” you are then taking the negative word don’t and the word drink out of your thought processes, this might seem a bit too simple but training your thoughts is really key in my opinion. I read a book called the Secret, it teaches you how to apply this in life. It does focus on material things though and I’m not desperately seeking material things in life, so a bit like AA, I take what I need from it.
I also changed the way I declined alcohol and tell people I am a tee totaller confidently now, that way they know straight from the outset that I am sober. If they question it, I tell them I have an allergy/intolerance and it makes me ill and I just can’t enjoy it now (that’s not a lie - it makes all of us ill as the damn stuff is a poison to our systems).
When you get an urge to drink get someone you can call on, thats what AA is really good for, you get people who understand. Thankfully I didn’t have urges for long and they passed after a few days and if the thoughts pop in to my head I speak to them and tell them exactly where to go. You have to pause and play the tape the whole way through as when you crave you think how nice it would be to have a drink, you don’t think of the total carnage it is likely to cause to you and those around you. As alcoholics our behaviour is insane, there’s no shame in admitting that to yourself as I am pretty sure some of your behaviours will not have been normal, mine certainly weren’t, I was a crazy man when drinking.
If after a week or so you still get cravings, I would suggest speaking to your doctor, as this is more likely to be underlying anxiety and they might be able to help, working a recovery program will also help with that.
The physical cravings leave body soon after detox, it’s the mental health side of things we need to focus on now and anxieties cause that feeling in your chest which feels like a craving gripping you so tight. That is actually anxiety and not a craving and the alcohol medicates you to take it away. Crazy eh?
Hopefully that helps for a start, if not I apologise. I cannot emphasise positive thinking enough and apply it to all parts of your life, it really does work and when it doesn’t, keep trying as eventually it falls in to place.
Good luck, stay strong and stay sober and message me anytime.
I worry about AA because I’m scared I’ll be seen. I’m scared I won’t take the notion to go to meetings. I am interested in the book you spoke of. I need to be more positive in my life. It’s really easy for me to give that advice yet can’t stand by it. I see success in many programs for people. Now, I just need to see where I lie in those. Thank you for the response. I’ve screenshot it and I hope I can continue to use those words.
@anon34614660 that makes sense to me. I have always been anxious, but I was always “strong” enough to chill and move on. I will speak with my doctor. The problem is, she is also my boss. 
@anon34614660 I could see another doctor and keep my things confidential. However, it would be another “excuse”. I wanted to try alternate medicine. Maybe I just need to research more.
Btw. Just dumped all alcohol out in my home and put up any thing with logos on it. That’s already a step. Thanks for responding everyone
@anon53189373 I’ve got my house clean a little bit. I did buy some scrapbooking stuff for my wedding. Maybe I’ll get that out and work on that. I took a nap at the time I usually have my first drink. That helped. My husband is actually helping this time around and not bringing it up! Thank you, bless you as well