I’m looking for some advice, sorry for the long post but I really appreciate any advice🙏
Today I have three days of sobriety, going on four since my last relapse.
I have never been someone that drank everyday and went to work/school… well thinking about it maybe in the start of my alcoholism… but it’s mostly been all or nothing. Drinking unimaginable amounts, passing out and then feel so horrible I don’t have any cravings again until my mind and body has healed… but then I keep falling back again, my mind just erases all the bad moments and horrible emotions I have after drinking and glorify alcohol and thinking that I can probably do just a drink to celebrate/avoid responsibilities/I deserve it/I’m sad/just to try etc… it’s almost like a fun game/secret with myself…
so my question now is how to stay motivated after a while sober? I feel like I really need to have something that always reminds me that I am an alcoholic and I can’t drink, it needs to be on my mind constantly! But how do you achieve that in the long run when work/friends/family and other things become more important and to be honest easier to think about?
Give me your best tips!
I have tried journaling, meetings, apps etc but never given it 100% because I still believed I could do it by willpower & after a while I just kind of lose motivation/get bored/forget about it when I forget the horrible things that come with drinking…
This time I have found an AA group with people I really like and that are my age and live similar lives so I think that will definitely make it easier going back!
I told my partner (new relationship) yesterday and she was so understanding and supportive, feels like I can really count on her… but how much should and could I involve her in keeping me on the right track?
My closest friends know that I haven’t been drinking alcohol for a long time (except slipping lately & having drinks again with them) but should I tell them the reason and that they can never offer me alcohol? I’m so nervous about how it will make them see me, but I’m also willing to do anything to stay sober… how would this be done, reversed intervention? one on one emotional talk? Do you have any experience?
Any other advice that works for you? Scheduled “sober time” every day/month/week where you do something to stay sober and how to maintain it?
Thank you for reading and I wish you a lovely sober day
I schedule things multiple times a day to stay clean. I fill my days from sunrise to sunset. The more you schedule , the less likely you are to relapse.
Dont be concerned about your friends. Its early days in your sobriety. You owe them zero explanation. Its proberly best you don’t actually spend any time with anyone that drinks for the next long while. Its too triggering and you will likley relapse again.
As for your partner, she is not responsible in anyway in keeping you on track. And if its a new relationship, I strongly recommend you stay single for at least the first year of your sobriety.
I think you’ve answered your own questions when you say you’ve never given it 100% and you’ve been quietly keeping reservations in the back of your mind.
As to the question above, all you need to tell them is “No, thanks” when they offer you a drink. If they press, tell them you’re not drinking tonight. If they press more, tell them you don’t feel like it tonight, and then maybe leave.
This mental waffling is something I understand well and lived with for far too long. What made the difference for me was an absolute commitment to not drinking for one day, “pillow to pillow” at a time.
Today’s thought for the day from 24 Hours A Day speaks directly to this.
When we come into A.A., looking for a way out of drinking, we really need a lot more than that. We need fellowship. We need to get the things that are troubling us out into the open. We need a new outlet for our energies and we need a new strength beyond ourselves that will help us face life instead of running away from it. In A.A. we find these things that we need.
Oh my friend are extremely supportive and well aware of addition and mental health… one of them is a social worker with specialization in addiction non of them would ever press someone to drink! I was just thinking about it as “closing a door” of possible relapses with them in the future… if I tell them there is no way I can say yes in the future, if you know what I mean?
I got a sponsor yesterday and she also talked about making a decision every morning, that “today I’m going to bed sober” and I really liked that!
It’s not that they are wondering or that I feel like I have to explain myself, I was just thinking about it as “closing a door” of possible relapses with them in the future… if I tell them there is no way I can say yes in the future, if you know what I mean? And I would also get rid of some temptation, because if they knew the reason they would never ask me if I want a drink ever again. I’m very lucky with my friend group!
For the relationship part I agree! I would never rely or expect someone else to be responsible for my sobriety! That is all on me and I don’t want my sobriety to be relying on external things or people that can change.
And I will definitely take your advice on focusing on me, but I do believe that can be done even within a relationship with communication and understanding.
Thank you for your advice, it’s always good to get others views on a situation
There’s the rub, isn’t it? It is a commitment to yourself and others when you make that declaration. It might be easier and more congruent with your program of recovery to tell them you are not drinking today.
I like the notion of making a commitment for today. What I try to focus on when I feel wine-positive thoughts coming in my head is the negatives of drinking. What am I going to feel like the next day if I give in? Is it worth it? Do the cons outweigh the pros? Smart Recovery has a lot of good tools for handling urges, if you go to their website. I think also we all need to acknowledge that we get something out of drinking, what is it? Can you get the same thing from something else? If it’s a reward, what else can you reward yourself with? If it’s a feeling of release, what else would feel like a release or a comfort? Examine your triggers. When do you get thoughts of drinking? Remind yourself that thoughts are not action. They’re just thoughts. Observe and let go. Anyway, just my rambles. I feel you. It’s tough but you can do it.
Thank you! Some very good advice, I have also been thinking about those things lately! What is it in alcohol that I am looking for and how we can I get that in other healthy ways! For me it’s been a lot about letting go of control and get a “break” from tristesse or demands… that’s only one part of it but I’ll definitely think more about that and healthy options!
And knowing my triggers is also a very good idea and start!
“ Remind yourself that thoughts are not action. They’re just thoughts. Observe and let go.”
I really like that sentence
I told my friends that I couldn’t drink anymore, that I was an alcoholic. All of my friends are supportive, and I knew they would be. They were probably very relieved. I told them because it shut the door of me drinking with them forever more. It’s like taking antabuse, though not a medicine, I know, but it does force and keep a door shut, and I needed to go there. Sounds like you have great friends who would support you.
For me, it’s letting go of control, a feeling of freedom, a change of mental state. It’s like saying I can do whatever I want. Except that feeling only lasts a brief time and then I feel like crap for about 2 days, lol. Depending on how much I drink. The older I get, the worse the hangovers are.
one on one emotional talk? Do you have any experience?
