Good morning All, Wanted to share my relapse. Before my son was born I had a DUI for alcohol and decided I needed to quite. The drinking was out of control and I was hiding it from my wife. Entered a program and while it took a couple of starts was eventually “successful”. Been sober for 16 yrs. Not sure what happened but decided to have a beer on Saturday. As the old pattern, 1 beer turned into way to many. Positive, I told my wife. Initially very supportive. Negative, after thinking about it, she had a lot of fear and doubt about me drinking again and how long has it been going on. I understand her fear and worries that I am lying to her, again. I broke that trust, but went right to 9 to tell her. Went to a meeting on Monday, planning one later today. Need to figure out what triggered. Going to doctor to have blood work done. My life is pretty good and I am very scared this is going to detail it all.
Ludo thanks, I am hope it works out.
Logically I agree with you. I can plan for at least another 16 yrs since I have done it before. However emotionally I am back 16yrs where drinking controlled me. Part of sharing is a warning that not matter how long or easy it may seem being sober, it just takes a few moments to unravel.
I appreciate you affirmation and support. It does help.
Well done for being honest.
It just shows you that even after a number of years sober you have to be focused on your program
Thanks for the support, I forgot just how much the regret can fill up your thoughts. Hoping to get a break today at work.
Thank you for sharing with us. It’s something I know I need to hear, and I feel like it’s important for us all. I can’t even imagine how you feel! I can’t imagine how your wife must feel either!
All you can do now is prove, through your actions, that this was a short lived relapse. Get back to your support, and never forget about brutal honesty. Glad to hear that you have started meetings already. It’s back to one day at a time.
Stick around friend! This is a great community!
Thanks for the kind words
Sometimes congratulations, reward, entitlement, treat yourself kind of thoughts creep into my head uninvited from who knows where. Maybe it was something like that? Good luck to you with all of it. 16 years proves you’ve got the chops.
I’m glad nothing too bad happened. I’m unsure of what the answer to the relapse is but wanted to say congratulations for moving forward !
As for why? I think maybe arrogance that I had “grow” out of the addiction. But certainly humbled on the full controladdi tikn can have.
Let me correct awful typing. As for why? I think maybe arrogance in that I had “grown” or of addiction. Certainly humbled on the full control addiction can have.
I shared this in another post, wanted to capture here.
I can relate, a long time sober with a relapse. Man it sucks. Could not answer why after all the years. I am kind of a science nerd and found the following article (link at the bottom). It was very insightful how many of the boxes I checked. Since I try to be “Data Driven” I hope this will help going forward to pick up the cues earlier and stop the process long before I take a drink. My goal is to recognize the relapse while still in the emotional or mental stage.
Emotional Relapse
These are some of the signs of emotional relapse [1]: 1) bottling up emotions; 2) isolating; 3) not going to meetings; 4) going to meetings but not sharing; 5) focusing on others (focusing on other people’s problems or focusing on how other people affect them); and 6) poor eating and sleeping habits. The common denominator of emotional relapse is poor self-care, in which self-care is broadly defined to include emotional, psychological, and physical care.
Mental Relapse:
These are some of the signs of mental relapse [1]: 1) craving for drugs or alcohol; 2) thinking about people, places, and things associated with past use; 3) minimizing consequences of past use or glamorizing past use; 4) bargaining; 5) lying; 6) thinking of schemes to better control using; 7) looking for relapse opportunities; and 8) planning a relapse. I tried to capture some key ideas from the article.
Physical Relapse
Finally, physical relapse is when an individual starts using again. Some researchers divide physical relapse into a “lapse” (the initial drink or drug use) and a “relapse” (a return to uncontrolled using) Most physical relapses are relapses of opportunity. They occur when the person has a window in which they feel they will not get caught. Part of relapse prevention involves rehearsing these situations and developing healthy exit strategies.
Remember:::
Setbacks are a normal part of progress. They are not failures. They are caused by insufficient coping skills and/or inadequate planning, which are issues that can be fixed
Focus: Addiction: Relapse Prevention and the Five Rules of Recovery
There are four main ideas in relapse prevention. First, relapse is a gradual process with distinct stages. The goal of treatment is to help individuals recognize the early stages, in which the chances of success are greatest. Second, recovery is a…
Perhaps a better way of looking at it is you answered the unasked question: since I’ve been sober 16 years, can I moderate?
And you got your answer: No. Experiment is over. No need to ever try again. Maybe tell this to your wife, too.
Thanks, absolutely agree!! I am an alcoholic to the core.
There’s a story in this chapter like yours. Of course it’s not exactly the same, but there are similarities. Give it a read
Glad your going back to meeting, dont know if you sponsored ,i find it by going through the program with my guys it helps me on my sobriety journey wish you well
Thanks, I have never considered that.
!! A step a day… it will be fine