Hey everyone. Thanks for letting me share my story.
I come from a family of alcoholics. My mum, her brothers, my cousins, my brothers. They have all abused alcohol and continue to do so on a daily basis. My dad on the other hand drinks very seldom and if he does, he’ll be sick for days with a hangover.
My mum is a wonderful woman and cares about me beyond words. She was never abusive in any way to me nor was she away at the pub all the time or neglectful. Every night though after a few beers, a bottle of wine and hardly any food she was a different person. Forgetful, glazed over and distant with a doped up happy smile. She on the other hand has been through some terrible things in her lifetime as a small girl and throughout her adult life.
I hated losing my mum every evening when I got home from school, or later in life when I would call her for a catch up only to get the slightly slurring ‘won’t remember this in the morning’ mum. She was one of my best friends back then but her addiction meant I only had her half the time. At 67, she still refuses to admit she has an issue. Although, far from the worst of parents with issues - I know that for sure.
But this isn’t about mum it’s about me. With that background I never cared for alcohol myself, until my early 20’s when I met my (absolutely wonderful) husband and partner of now 12 years. Just a disclaimer that I don’t blame him for any of this. It is my responsibility and mine alone.
I started drinking a few glasses of wine every evening, and more on the weekends. Over the years this rapidly increased and when my panic attacks and fears had me diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, it was a great way to get through difficult social situations.
Hangovers became the bane of my existence. To no stretch of the truth, the majority of my weekends were a haze of drinking on a Friday night, feeling sick, horrible and hardly functioning on the Saturday, drinking again in the evening and then spending Sunday curled up in bed in the foetal position trying to fend off dizziness and not to be sick, battling with my anxiety, avoiding friends and family and wishing away the headaches. Monday was a touch and go of whether I would make it to work and I wouldn’t feel relatively normal until Wednesday. Then repeat. No day was an alcohol free day. No matter how bad I felt, there was always room for a wine or two.
This has been my life for so long now. A few years back I quit smoking after numerous attempts. The only way I could do this once and for all was to become steadfast in my own mind that I would never take the first puff again. 3 years, 5 months and 17 days later I’m still going strong. I quit drinking the same way in 2014 and made it to 1 year and 6 months alcohol free.
2015 was one of my hardest years as I quit my anti anxiety meds believing a healthy lifestyle would fix it all. I was wrong and also started drinking again, hoping it would help me feel better. It did for a while, until I was rapidly back to my old habits and dealing with the loss of my weekends and shortened work weeks to hangovers.
I absolutely hate what I have become. I don’t want to lose my husband who has put up with this for far too long I don’t want to stumble through life like this either. I’m 34 this year and I should not be beating up my body this way or it’s going to give up on me sooner or later.
Just like my smoking I can only think of quitting alcohol once and for all and not taking another drop, even on special occasions. I know from my previous 1 ½ years sober that I can have a blast and enjoy myself without being totalled for 3 days afterwards. I’m a runner and I workout 3 - 5 times a week. I focus on my nutrition and wellbeing a lot. This is the last hurdle.
So I’m halfway through day 8 alcohol free. My resolve is strong and I’m feeling good. Cheers to a better life! Thanks 
Thank you for sharing your story.
your story touched my heart. I not only admire the personal responsibility and lack of blame, but the way you could separate your mom sober and drinking and the impact that had on you growing up. Hearing it described from that perspective gave me a lot to reflect on. Thank you so much for this