6.15am day 25, i have an awful cold and a kind of cough that you dread coughing because its deep and it hurts:sneezing_face:
… thinking about recovery so far I have definitely overdone on activities, sanding floorboards, varnishing floorboards, that put my back out. garden tidying, that put my back out. Email after email dealing with my children for parents evenings, police, school teachers and college teachers. Emotionally supporting my son for his GCSE studies and the trauma he is still going through from a nasty attack (myself :5 days sober) on his friends that he witnessed. (the grown man is known to the area, by schools, by police, and still not arrested and wandering around still causing trouble, and with a knife) my son, or his friends, havent been able to walk to school, back from school or go out the last 3 weekends because of fear that this lunatic will be around (which he is as he has been spotted many times). The incident has caused a lot of damage to four lovely school age lads; day before yesterday I parked outside a food takeaway place in the little village high Street and my 16 year old son had an absolute meltdown wanting to go back in the house for fear that he would be seen or beaten up by this nut job. its gonna be a long road and I hope the culprit is taken off the streets soon before another kid gets attacked… anyway, gonna find an online meeting and get ready for work, ibuprofen is gonna kick in soon 
. I am clean on day 25.
6am day 26, grateful to be sober, hating this cold but glad i slept right through last night. i binged a bit on food last night when really i shouldn’t of and need to fast a bit to get rid of this cold. not looking forward to another day at work with a dripping nose with clients but it is what it is. i have no desire to go back ro drinking alcohol on a daily basis. will probably jump ona 7am NA meeting, worksmuch better than trying to get one in on the evenings cos I’m usually shot to pieces tired. i pray for my son for the courage to go to college today (his dad is taking him and picking him up)
Day 43: very much into cacao today, new addiction!..have to stop caffeine and dairy , first couple of no no’s from a very informative perimenopause talk I went to last week. Completed 8 reminders today so very chuffed with myself 
. The tiredness and fatigue I have been experiencing has lifted more. (Maybe to do with cacao!) muscle aches are still there and joint issues…. A new symptom has appeared recently of peeing frequently so thinking a diabetes test may have to happen, apparently a common thing in Peri state…. 3-10 years this state can last and desperate to get the help and understanding from a GP. (Havent come across one yet.) besides that life goes on and very grateful to be clean and currently in an online NA , I should be listening 🫶🏼
They say that you can have a life beyond your wildest dreams; I’m so excited this morning, and it’s hard to believe all the lovely amazing things that happened in my life the last 70 days. I gave up the desire to drink alcohol, no desire whatsoever; and today life is great and it’s going to get even more incredible 
Really great news. I too love living sober.
74 days clean and serene, a mind blowing few days in New York. Legs are soo tired, glad to sit on the coach and chill (on my way back from Niagara Falls). Just gonna dream watch out the window and nap a little. Last night in NYC tonight 
75 days serene, about to fly back to uk 
, from JFK, with a huge black eye; courtesy of the middle of Broadway, and my laces getting caught in my hiking boots 
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Ouch! Hope the eye heals and you enjoyed New York.
Loving this thread, 60 days for me alcohol free and even the most basic benefits like not being hungover, saving money, losing weight, etc. have been great. Now im starting to see the mental and spiritual benefits like more gratitude, more appreciation of things and more self awareness. At the same time, im struggling with panic attacks, cravings at certain times or occassions, and feeling like im missing out. I know chamging that takes work and time and im willing to stick it out. I trust the long time sober folks who tell me it gets so much better i cant even imagine it right now.
Gonna send an appreciation email to someone who did me a big favor, take a little meditation/nap, and hopefully unpack from my trip. Thanks for the thread!
So sorry about the eye. Hopefully that wont be the only memory you have of our Good Ole USA.
I feel like the trip was a dream! I have itchy feet from so much walking I did maybe. I totally overdid things and walked for hours and miles last week. Been getting back in my vits and thinking of health and rest and recoup. The fall really has made me consistently mindful. Whenever my head goes off on thoughts I get anxious and bring myself back in the now to awareness!!! Slow careful steps is my focus. 
Just come back from Spain and a big family party, my youngest brother (23) had an overdose yesterday morning of cocaine, alcohol and red bull, maybe prescribed drugs too, convulsions. I find it hard to have empathy because my dad and stepmom and sister have had to deal with an addict living under their roof for about 3 years now. I did have him stay with me for 6 months (a year ago) just so my dad could get a break as he had been robbing them , kitchen tv about 2 or 3 times, money, phones laptops….I couldn’t have him any longer as found out he was ticking drugs and I didn’t want any dealers near my house, with my kids there and everything. I helped him get a job in uk, however the money was a massive trigger and he stopped giving me any rent after a couple of weeks and basically pushed 4 k up his nose. It’s sad as this week I hadn’t seen him for a year (since he went back to Spain) but he is just as active in his addiction in so much denial, and lies so much
100 days clean and serene. I have never known so much happen in 100 days in recovery (or drinking life) before. A lot of quite big life things; my son and his friends being witness and victims to a serious attack, dealing with police, going to the states for an epic 5 days with my daughter, my dads 65th birthday party in Spain, the passing of my grandad; my dads dad, dealing with family dynamics and politics and grief, facing up to my brothers autism and his struggles and his alcohol issues, managing my emotions while my youngest brother was in active addiction (cocaine) during my dads birthday and family get together. Feeling relieved since he is in rehab and praying this time he will stay longer than 2 weeks. Dealing with my health issues; tripping on my hiking boots in New York and smashing my face on the road breaking my nose and my knee and neck still have issues, falling off a step at work a few days ago, and now with a thumb that can’t function properly on my right hand so I cannot blow dry this week. Dealing with a shite NHS and hoping the new surgery I have joined will be able to assist better than the last GP surgery. My youngest daughter putting me on to an app called bible chat which is so helpful in my daily life, and grated for NA online and my family and understanding from my 2 youngest children’s father. Grateful for my cats and a roof over my head. A wake in a few weeks and just gonna take care of myself and my children. And be there for my dad in this difficult time. Thankyou to the universe and the powers that be that are unseen and bigger than me, keeping me on this path of sobriety. I cannot do this alone. 
Work today, I told my boss before I went back this week (Wednesday-Saturday I work) that I wouldn’t be able to blow dry this week to give my thumb a rest. It has been quite difficult and upset to ask colleagues to help me with my clients so yesterday I tried to get on with it carefully blow drying mysef without putting too much pressure on my thumb. Well that has just made it ten times worse. So I will go into work and ask for help. Is it that I had to prove to everyone the damage is quite bad? I got upset when particular colleagues looked like it was an absolute chore to help me, so that’s why I just tried to get on with it myself. Well is that cutting my nose off to spite my face?
112th day and no desire to drink alcohol. Sunday morning and chilling in bed for a while longer and thinking of what to do today. Washing, reading, go see my children, I have been thinking of my half brother who is in active addiction and wondering how he is getting on in my step mum and dads house. Apparently he is calm and not using according from a message from my step mum. Her dad (his grandad) passed away the night before last, and I am wondering how they are. My dad had to fly back to Spain a day early to support his wife as they cremate within 24 hours in Spain. I am worrying about my dad with all that’s been going on, as he came over to visit his mum, as his dad (my grandad) passed a few weeks back… he will be coming back to the uk again for the wake in a couple of weeks and I’m wondering if my half brother and half sister, and step mum will be able to come ….. I doubt all of them as my dad’s finances were drained by putting a half brother in rehab and yet again he stayed for just 2 weeks before begging his mum to pick him up. So of course my dad had to . My half sister has had enough of the rows and destruction her brother has been causing,and unfortunately if he is still under the parents roof he will continue to be enabled in my opinion. Time will tell. I just worry as bout my dads health in all this life stuff.
120th day today. Feeling good, doing some house chores and organising a pile of clothes and all sorts for a car boot sale this Sunday. I Have had hold of this pile of junk for a few years so looking forward to Sunday and I am glad I am putting in the action to organise this pile of stuff and get prepared for a good sale! 
196th day no alcohol and no desire for alcohol . My daughter is 25 today. I am at peace with me, I enjoyed a 2 hour browse in IKEA and bought some curtains and changed the ones in my youngest daughter’s room. They look lovely. There is a fly in my bedroom that I will have to remove as it’s annoying my peace! All is well, except a mild migraine. I will sleep it off 
My Son has changed his mind last minute as he usually does. I did not show disappointment. I did get slightly huffy but I cooled off quickly. When driving home , after dropping back to his dads, I was feeling sad, hurt, disappointed; I was thinking (not craving) of drinking. I rang a beauty salon to get a facial, no answer, I thought if things I could do at home. Wanted to smash a very big bookcase that was made by an ex. Instead I posted it for sale and another friend got in touch to buy and pick up tmrw. Amazing. I cleared the book shelf which has stacks and stacks of books ; my children’s books, a few random bits, and I felt sadder. I put loud chilled music on and sat with the feelings. I then did i bit of scraping off walll paper in the bathroom and painted a wall I hadn’t painted. The feelings passed. I watched a film and did my crocheting (new addiction). 198 days done. Alcohol free. Relationships have hurt, however, about my kids hurt the deepest 
Copied this post from December 28th for my journal thread:
315 days and no desire for alcohol; cravings possibly but that’s just feelings associated with learning to deal with family sober; I will stay humble, stay calm, laugh, giggle. Try not to rise to triggers or get angry with my brothers getting drunk. 
:heart_handst3:
It’s like a split personality of feeling anger and feeling peace. I can feel peace, and I don’t have to get swept into my angry feelings. I am not religious however I do read verses daily to remind me that I am human and I can learn to recognise that doubt and anxiety and anger can be put aside. My children are the most important to me this Christmas to see me sober.
They have been gracious to me. It has been a blessing that I can, slowly, be forgiven for my past drinking behaviour, by my sober actions this Christmas.
I have faith in myself that I can be sober today like I was yesterday. With careful logical thinking, and love for myself and my children and family
Peace 
Just got through 24 hours sober. Drinking yesterday and the other few days didn’t work much. When I picked up on the 29th I was in a mental health crisis, however in hindsight , I was leading to it. Even though I was on TS most days i wasnt paying attention to myself or being vigilant enough to keep me safe. I have an idea now , that anger and feeling upset and holding it in was a big trigger. I had a few times in December that got me quite angry. At work with my boss several times, and with head office once; I felt powerless over those 3 situations and was angry. Then Christmas i was upset by my dad and brother turned up 3 hours late when I had bought and cooked a lot of food for their arrival just to be told they had eaten at McDonald’s. I was furious about it. . I had organised a theatre treat for my dad (and both my brothers) on the Saturday night after work with all 3 of my children. We had to wait for 15 mins in the freezing cold while they were ‘finishing their drinks’ in Wetherspoons; I had said the time to meet . It filled me with much uncomfortableness to watch my brothers being drunk but luckily did not sit too close to them and my dad enjoyed the show. Then the next day was watching my younger brother drinking all sorts at a family gathering and I got really angry with him in front of family. I apologised to my sister and she just said ‘dont worry it’s not your problem’. Then heard of my brother being sick in my dads rental car I got angry again.
Too much anger and a lot of powerlessness over people places and things; mostly people in December. I have to recognise what happened in the lead up so it doesn’t happen again. My sobriety was precious but I was a bit complacent and didn’t understand how I was jeopardising my sobriety by anger and not keeping myself safe enough. 