Back again… It’s been horrific. The pain is everywhere… I’ve got to make this work. Any tips to stop the mental chatter? My head is spinning. Much love
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I’m assuming you’ve been drinking heavy, and your hungover to the 10th power?
Over the weekend Friday, Saturday & Sunday. I don’t recall too much… I know I didn’t stay home Sunday & my young daughter was asking for me. I just can’t stop once it starts…
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Shit bud! I’ve been there so many times. I’ve been on those binders where I drank a fifth vodka everyday, 3 days straight. The pain and stupidity of my actions jump in to my mind when I realized I needed to take responsibility and have work.
I don’t know where your at mentally or physically. I know, I’m throwing back pedalite, Gatorade or Powerade as much, and as fast as I can before any movement outside my house. I’m sure you don’t feel like eating anything, but you need to make yourself! Even if you throw it up.
As far as the alcohol goes, yeah I do the same thing. I drink as much as I can, as fast as I can, as long as I can. Really, the only true solution is not to pick up that first one.
I’ve put priority on alcohol over my kids several times. It sucks for the kids… mentally, we know our kids come first, but for some reason; I continued to forget that as the compulsion gave me tunnel vision.
I will say, the only person that can help you is you. I don’t know if that means to find a support group, re-directing priorities or something more profound like a counselor or detox. Perhaps, spend time with like minded people in this forum.
We’re here for you! Try to ingrain all the pain and mental confusion your feeling right now in your brain.
I don’t know if your religious, but I spent a great deal of time asking for courage, strength and knowledge to overcome the rock bottom.
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Thanks for responding and listening my friend. I’m broken mentally, have been for a while. Physically I’m not great but I think the two are intertwined.
I know I have to help myself, I’ve stopped for long periods before but it’s bloody everywhere. I’m 38 & have been drinking heavily since age 12… I know it has to stop. Absolutely no good comes from it.
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Do not start.
Sorry to be so direct. And it sound hard. But it’s the only way. We can say no to the first one, but we are defenceless to the second one and all the rest that follows 
Have you ever tried some extra help like AA or online meetings?
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I have tried AA, never the online meetings. How do I access them? They sound very good
Dont drink one drink
Dont imagine you can
Get support
And go for It… you can do this
But u have to commit to It
Good luck
Any tips to stop the mental chatter?
I called this ‘the visitors’, others call it the committee or the hamster on the wheel. I’ve found it’s related to the blood alcohol levels dropping in the early morning hours, and for me it got tied up with some auditory hallucinations. This hasn’t happened to me since I stopped drinking.
I had to have the faith, without logic or experience to back it up, just the faith that things were going to be alright and I’d be able to stop drinking.
I took that faith to my doctor to get a script for Antabuse. I took that faith to AA to be shown how to be comfortable in sobriety.
I pray you can have this belief. Every thing’s gonna be alright. You’ll be able to stop drinking. 
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Welcome back. Great to see you.
I suggest working 60-80 hours a week. If you feel that you cant stop yourself from having that one drink, then keep yourself in places where you can’t drink. Its better for your daughter to think your a workaholic than an alcoholic.
I drank to stop the mental chatter. It helped, for a while. I took benzos to stop the mental chatter, then that became my crutch that let me drink and deal with the anxiety the next day. Unfortunately my addiction to the benzos got so bad and intertwined with my alcoholic drinking that I can’t ever take them again. I have a slew of anxiety disorders and have been diagnosed with some form of ADD/ADHD in the past, so the mental chatter is still there. Now that I’m off most of the (wrong) meds I was put on while drinking it’s time to deal with this. But you know what? The mental chatter I deal with now is nowhere near as terrible as what was going on when I was drinking. Not. Even. Close!
It took a while for this to level out, but the relief when I realized it was changing was probably one of the biggest rewards I’ve given myself by being sober. The mental chatter was no longer about hating myself or fearing what I had done. It wasn’t the battle about should I open my text messages and see who I messaged and what I said. It wasn’t about not knowing where my car was. It wasn’t about how the hell am I going to make it through work, or make it till drinking time. It wasn’t about how much xanax will it take to calm down enough to function. Shit, it wasn’t about wanting to die.
Get through this day, worry about tomorrow when it comes. Stay away from alcohol, as far away as you can. Know that things get better, easier even. But for now, push through what is happening today. I played Mahjong on my phone obsessively. I learned how to draw. I doodled and traced things and kept my hands and brain busy. Distraction has been my greatest coping mechanism. It’s not always a great idea, but for my overactive, OCD brain, it keeps me in line until I can find a better way, which I’m constantly working on with my psychiatrist and therapist.
Most importantly, get help. Whatever type of help it may be, get it. If you can’t do something like IOP or rehab, do meetings of some sort. Read books on addiction or recovery. Stay around here all damn day. Get a therapist who specializes in addiction. That and IOP have been my greatest tools.
We are always here. Use us for all we are worth.
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Thank you to everyone for contributing on the thread, much appreciated. Some excellent suggestions, many I’ve not heard before. Hopefully my motivation will stay and the visitors will slowly stop living in my head rent free…
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