Feeling terribel! Drank for the first time in a month yesterday, feel so disappointed in myself.
Was my mothers birthday she passed away about 4 months ago now, and was struggling and all i wanted to do was drink so i did. Now im back day 1! Hate myself rite now was up most of the night being sick due to my stomach ulcer been in pain all day.
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Use that shame and guilt as fuel for your sober journey. You can honor your Mum with your recovery. 
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Let me just remind you that progress is not linear. Forgive yourself, pick yourself back up, and keep making progress.
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I also struggle on days like these.
I’ve found keeping the thought of doing them proud had helped also keeping the hands bussy and listening to Joe n Charlie talks really keep me focused
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Thanks really appreciate the comments. Just hard isnt it when ya have gone so long without a drink ans then ya have to do it all over again.
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Yeah i found the same keeping busy i redone our hole garden new slabs decking re soiled seeded and iv finished that now so need something else. Is that a podcast?
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I found them on audiobooks. But there are some AA apps that have them and some really great speakers from all over the world
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The easy part is you’ve been there before so you know what to do to get threw it but the scary bit is when you get the time back up. You are then on new ground,this where I’m at. It’s exciting but scares the shit out of me at the same time
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You have learned that no matter how valid the reason feels, the negative effects of drinking are the same. There is nothing that drinking can’t make worse. But you know that. Tell yourself that as strongly as you can the next time you are in a difficult time. Hope your stomach feels better soon. 
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Thanks i will have a look for them. Can i ask how many days in you are?
Thats the trouble isnt it you know its only going to make things worse but ya still do it. I knew it was going to aggravate my ulcer but did it anyway was so scared it was going to pop with how violent i was being sick. But thanks for your words its so much easier writing how i feel to complete strangers then trying to explain them with my voice lol
I have 13 months in AA but 54 days sober after a relationship break down and I relapsed