How do I let my neighbor know nicely that I don’t want to hang out with her because of her drinking, we used to be drinking buddies, but since I quit I don’t like being around her when she’s drunk. She gets mean.
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I would tell her that you decided to give up drinking and hanging around her when she drinks is not conducive to your sobriety. If you think the friendship is worth saving, offer to do sober activities with her. Maybe go get a pedicure together or have lunch.
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Can you tell her that when she’s sober?
Maybe it’s something she needs to hear.
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That’s a difficult one; I would try to tell her nicely and politely that you’re working on cutting back (you don’t have to be completely honest), and that it’s difficult for you to be around her when she’s drinking.
Even if it’s not entirely true, it shifts the attention on you and not her - hopefully easing the situation by not coming off as trying to accuse her of her habits and behaviors.
Wishing you the best of luck!
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That’s a good point @BrownCow,
I’ve found when I tell other alcoholics that I’ve quit drinking, they tend to get combative. Which has nothing to do with me- it just makes them immediately look inward because of their own struggles. But maybe putting it that way, it’s me not you…
Maybe later in your sobriety you will rub off on your friend. If they get mad, it’s honestly their problem- not yours 
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Can you maybe take walks together instead of drinking? Is the friendship worth continuing? A conversation about drinking might naturally flow when you’re out taking a walk together. Just a thought.
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