All alone but why. Confused?

I came clean about my addiction I’ve been hiding for 21 years, looking for support to get clean and become a better person. Only close everyone and everything. I now have no one around me even my kids, homeless. Friendless and jobless. So again why an I 23 days clean and still fighting my thoughts to just give in. High I had a house, food, family, friends, job and husbands. Wtf? No one even knew I was on dope. I wanted help to stop so the lies could stop so I could just love me again. Now look I worthless and alone.


Hi Heidi. Welcome. I was in the same position two years ago. I had a pretty respectable life minus the alcoholism. Finally one day I lost it all. A beautiful home. A 20 + year career, my wife and kids. Everything! I spent the holidays in 2017 sleeping in my truck in the desert which eventually got repo’d also. I felt so lonely, and hopeless. It was that unbearable emotional pain that finally pushed me to get sober. I’ve been sober almost a year and a half now. My life doesn’t look like it did before, but I wouldn’t trade what I have now for a drop of alcohol. It sounds to me like you’re ready to get clean. Search around the conversations, there is a lot of knowledge and experience here. Reach out and make friends here. The support is overwhelming. Good luck to you and believe that whether you can see it or not, there is a better life waiting for you on the other side of addiction.


you want to love you again. that is a fantastic start.

sobriety isnt easy but its worth it. hounestly its prob the most important thing ive ever got into.

i have 4 days sober and17 years of hating myself and everyone around me. you dont know what you got till its gone

you will have cravings and even withdraw maybe. DONT GIVE IN TO DRUGS OR ALCOHOL. id rather crave then a hangover.

you said you want to love you again. you already started and by the way, you reaching out isnt only brave of you but it helped me remember where i will be if i pick up

i personaly ran out of luck with my substance abuse. my sister who i havnt seen in years turned me down for me meeting my 2 nephews because i was drunk.

the addicted mind can be cruwl to ourselvs

keep reading
keep posting

sobriety can only get better


Hello. I am so sorry to hear the sadness in your words. Sounds like there is a lot going on; many moving parts of which to try to make some sense. I wish I had words of wisdom. I will say that the loneliness factor is like a magnifying glass on problems that may otherwise be easier to ignore. What a messed up time in this world to try to get healthy when isolation is in play. I love that you chose to reach out to this forum when you hit a low point rather than using. That is a very prideful thing. Start focusing on things like that… stuff you, alone, can control. You did a great thing. Don’t think of the forever life plan. Think about how you can make today just one step closer to physical and mental health. That could mean just staying on this forum today reading through others’ experiences to learn and know that you actually are not alone. My very best to you! Hugs.


A long time ago, my Great Grandmother and Great Grandfather owned a huge ranch. The government bought it from them and made it part of Yellowstone.

I was in 3rd grade, and there was a huge forest fire, part of it was on the once family property. I was devastated.

My father simply looked at me and said. Sometimes mother nature needs a forest fire to clear out all the old and dead trees and brush. Out of the fire will come new trees, new flowers, new families of animals.

My friend, that is what you are going thru. Stay the course.


Hi @Hiedi. I’m glad you found us. You are not alone.

But I might guess high those things didn’t last, or even slipped away?

That was almost the case for me. Drinking I very nearly lost my job. One of my motivators to getting sober was realizing that not sober I was planning for the defeat instead of having the gift of wanting to do better, as you have now. I had already worked out where I would crash when I was fired, what I would sell, where I’d camp hidden away from others if no one would take me in.

The other warning shot realizing others had already withdrawn. My friends and family not calling anymore.

But that wasn’t sobriety’s fault. Little windows of sobriety were the only times I wanted to do better.

As soon I strung a few days of sobriety together and started working on myself, little by little those things came back. I could be present for those around me, and for whatever work was put in front of me.

I sure felt worthless, but that was a lie. I only had regrets made worse by using. But those do not have to define me. So long as today I choose to not let the lie win, to let hope and growth define me, I can overcome the shame and stand tall again. Working a program of recovery helped show me a time-tested way to doing that.

And you can, too. I don’t know when things will get better. I can only promise that sober, it can happen. I hope you’ll stay with us! If just for today. :pray: :heart:


Very nice way to look at it.