I was almost six months sober. I got on a workout plan and started getting really fit, this time I actually loved being sober. I got a good therapist, everything felt like it was coming together. I had tried numerous times to get sober but this time felt like it was it. My Mom and best friend was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, meta liver April 1st and died June 19th. I relapsed and started drinking again. I want to get back to that place I was, but I am so deeply sad and I know alcohol doesn’t make it better but now it feels like that happiness and powerful feeling will never be there again. I try and workout and can barely get through a class and that’s what helped so much and held me accountable. I’ve stopped eating. I’m completely heart broken. I dk what to do to be okay and now I have to start all over again after almost having six months. I have horrible fear I’m going to get cancer or my kids or Husband. My Husband is giving me the silent treatment when we were so good before. Everything is falling apart and it was the best it had been. Worst part is I can’t call my Mom.
I am sorry for all your hurt and pain. One day at a time continue to try to pull yourself back together and get to that place where you want to be. Consider it being in memory of your mom, in honor of her. You are going through a hard devastating time. There is lots of support here at this site. Out in the real world, there are grief support groups, also sobriety groups, also different types of therapy. I’m sorry that your husband is not listening. You have a lot to talk about and it is good for you to talk about it. It helps you work through it. I’m glad that you’re trying to go to your classes. Also glad that you came here and posted on the site. One day at a time you can do it. It’s not going to be easy, but you can do it. Again, consider doing it in honor of your mother. She would want you to do what you are happiest doing and what will keep you the healthiest.
Losing a parent sucks, It changes you forever. We lose a safety net that’s been there for our entire life. It’s a horrible life event but it’s inevitable.
Drinking won’t help, it’ll only delay the healing process. I’m very sorry for your loss.
Thank you, I really like the idea of doing it for her. I know that drinking increases risk of pancreatic cancer or any cancer really so it does feel like a good thing to kick to the curb 
I appreciate it
My deepest condolences on your loss 
I lost my mum 4 years ago, it changes you and your whole life.
Please talk about it, here, at support groups be that AA, groups for grieving support, a therapist, friends … You are not alone and you don’t have to go through the grieving process alone.
Self-care is very important. Try tiny little things to support yourself. A sip of soup, half a sandwich, a banana, just a bit of food to help your body dealing with this big big emotions, they demand a lot of energy.
My personal goto was a warm cup of tea to sooth my heart & soul when it felt all too overwhelming and sad.
I lit candles and talked to my late mum, telling her i love her, that i’m grateful for the time we had, that i’m grateful she is now free from the burden of a body whose time was over, i asked her questions, i told her i miss her, i asked for her guidance to move on.
Grieving comes and goes in waves. I kept up daily routines, they helped me to move through the bad days on autopilot and gave me structure. I read a lot about recovery, about grieving, i re-read some books my mum and i both loved. I took the time I needed for myself and tried to do one thing, no matter what, to declutter my life every day.
I was going through divorce at the time, it was hard and heavy.
What took a long time was getting accustomed to not being able to call my mum, this is what took the longest, about 1+ years. This kind of loss and loneliness can eat you up if you don’t deliberately set up new routines to cope with the loss and life in general.
Therapy helped me tremendously.
Sending you kindness, love and more hugs than you need. We are here for you 
Thank you. Such good advice I had to screen shot. It’s so hard. The sadness runs so deep that it kinda takes the enjoyment part of sobriety away. I like the idea of incorporating self care stuff. I think I need that right now.
I hear you, sadness and grief can shadow all the joyous feelings temporarily. I think that’s normal.
It will change again though.
We can support ourselfs by doing tiny little things to comfort us, being kind to ourselfs, reminding us that self-care is the solid ground on which the grieving process can take place. It takes as long as it takes. Even when you can’t feel it, you change a little bit every day, you grow into living without your mum, holding the memory dear. It’s very raw for the first year from my experience. My therapist recommended that I deliberately take a year of mourning for each of my losses with the goal to make it through the day and keep going by babysteps. It was good advice.
Sending kindness, hugs and catpurrs galore (always soothing)