So as I was in the midst of my upset mood last night I began to realize something. This morning I took another look at this and realized that there have been way too many times where self-pity has gotten the best of me. Which then causes me to spiral out of control with my mood. BUT… I am trying to retrain and rewire my brain to think differently now that I’m 5 days clean and sober. I realized that no matter what is going on with my life, there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for. I currently have a roof over my head, some food in the fridge, I have my eyesight to see, and people who care about me. I have this forum which has helped me stay clean 
I can choose today, which “wolf” to feed… the positive, productive, cheerful wolf or the negative, self pity, destructive wolf. The one I feed is the one that will thrive in my life. Done with being negative and hopeless. Just some thoughts from this morning 
I recommend writing out a gratitude list any time that you are feeling really down or as though life is taking a big crap on you,I find that it helps to ground me and makes me realise there is so much to fe grateful for and to smile about. There are actualy a couple of good gratitude threads on here. As they say when life gives you lemons make lemonade. 
Thank you ive seen one gratitude thread so far which I enjoy posting in but i will definitely check out the other ones too. For me, I usually find that its after the fact when I write down my gratitude list. I’ll stew in my upset, self-pity mood for abit and THEN I’ll realize that, “hey! Theres lots to be grateful for”. I wish I could nip it in the butt and go straight to gratitude when I feel down lol
That will be the thread that I’m talking about,practice makes perfect so next time your feeling down just try writing out a gratitude list straight away,it might not make you feel immediately all better but it will lighten the load and brighten things up at least a little. It’s gotta be worth a try right?
So I so feel you on all of this,and couldn’t agree more. I sit here and think to myself that I hold this ressentment toward my mother. Who literally has done nothing but bet there for me. We fight alot yeah, but she is hurt to. I almost try to blame my addiction on her, as she tries to blame my addiction on her actions. And while both be some true. Yesterday while out, I had to get a few groceries for me and my girls, she was looking through my cart and was like omg good job Michael. And idk why it kind of irritated me and got me mad, it made me feel like a baby, everyone could hear, and I’m 30 years old. And then we had to go see a lawyer about family court. She’s like oh Michael is nervous to the lawyer and like took over for me and that pissed me of we well. The other day, I was getting some cologne and she comes over and is like oh I really like this one, and just everyone could hear and idk why that shit embarrassed me. I geuss it’s my ego getting in the way. And I need to seriously stop, bc she is just trying to be there for me and love me.and I need to just be grateful because I won’t have this forever.
Here is another way to look at this… She’s overjoyed with what you have been doing and she’s trying to tell you. But, she doesn’t know how. Better than throwing a pacifier at you! 
This is all new to her and she doesn’t want to get her hopes up, but they are getting up anyway. Talk to her, let her tell you to your face that she is proud, then gently ask her to stop doing the embarrassing shit.
Haha for sure, thank you. Will get there. One day at a time.