Checking in 50 months sober. Thats crazy but doable with my aa program, fellowship, and sponsorship. Im glad i went to an old meeting yesterday as i found gratitude in how far ive come and shared about fear as a major character defect.
I pray for faith over fear. Ive lived fearful for as long as i can remember and im not sure where it spawned from. Fear of being let down by my alcoholic father and his empty promises. Fear of being lonely and let out at school. Fear of feeling depressed, empty, or worse suicidal every hour.
Getting sober has helped me find some peace but my therapist says i have used fear to keep me safe in the past but need to acknowledge it is no longer serving me. I need to call it out when im operating in fear. Im trying.
Progress over perfection and all that jazz. Life will unfold how its meant to be. Me being fearful and trying to plan for every possible outcome does more harm than good. I release the anxiety and the need to feel prepared for the worse so im not let down.
I guess i fear if i dont remain vigilant i will regress. I fear i will regress back to drinking and using. I fear i will find myself in a pit of depression and suicidal again. Let me challenge those fears. I am 4+ years sober. I have a community and fellowship i can lean on. I am mentally stable and have regular therapy and med checks. I am exercising, eating healthy, and taking my meds consistently. I am not that child of an alcoholic. I am not that untreated bipolar girl in addiction. I am not a failure if i am not perfect.
I am strong. I am resilient. I am confident (working on it). I am dependable. I am responsible. I am happy. I am safe.
This says so much! You said so much! Congratulations on the 50 months! Congratulations on the insight you have of your own self. All huge in the big scheme of life. Proud of you for all you’ve gone through, past and your present.
It is a present also .. a gift to yourself and those around you. You clearly aware of you .. your strengths and also your weaknesses. You’re awesome @Cjp and an inspiration to many in so many ways.
yes! So much truth right here. A beautiful post my friend. You have come a long way and have created such a beautiful routine, community and lifestyle for yourself. You are no longer the person who came into this journey. You have blossomed into a well adjusted healthy woman.
. So grateful that you have such a good therapist who is working with you and helping you process your fears. I am so proud of you CJ. You are doing the hard stuff and building a wonderful sober life for yourself.
A huge congratulations on your 50 months of smoke free…you are crushing it
Have you been reading “24 Hours A Day” by Richmond Walker? Because your post very much echoes the entry for today in that book.
Meditation for the Day
Learn daily the lesson of trust and calm in the midst of the storms of life. Whatever sorrow or difficulty the day may bring, …(b)e grateful, humble, calm, and loving to all people. Leave each soul the better for having met you or heard you. For all kinds of people, this should be your attitude: a loving desire to help and an infectious spirit of calmness and trust… You have the answer to loneliness and fear, which is calm faith in the goodness and purpose in the universe.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may be calm in the midst of storms. I pray that I may pass on this calmness to others who are lonely and full of fear.
You are showing us what happens when someone “suits up and shows up”. When we just keep putting one foot in front of the other on the sober path, some days feel like a slog, and some days feel easy. But all the days, the whole path, we can see as a gift and in the end, a triumph of faith over fear.
Jazz my hype girl. Thanks so much for your support my friend. Its crazy like i can think logically about fear but its this emotional hold it has on me idk how to shake
I had not read that passage but thanks so much for sharing @SinceIAwoke sobriety is my superpower and i never want to turn back because the blessings keep unfolding
It’s not an easy thing to shake …. now you are realizing it for what it is (talking about fear) and aware of its presence so now with your tools I think you can take it’s power away little by little every time it arises.
50 months! Congratulations! I’m so glad I opened this thread tonight. I just passed 50 weeks. Always stay ahead of me. You’re an inspirational role model, doing the thing every day with faith and dedication. AA and the steps and a good home group sure help.
This passage resonates with me so much as I’ve become more aware of my own fear-based decision making. Power to faith over fear . I appreciate you for sharing!
Checking in from the annual boozy family reunion. Im up after 4hrs of sleep due to the dreaded full bladder. Theres something so challenging about tent camping and having to get up and pee. Well anyways…Its nearly 4am and i feel like im awake for the day. Hopefully i can nap on the pontoon later.
I love the family reunion. Im not a fan of the lack of sleep tho. Oh well im greatful for a beautiful day in the northwoods. The sound of the wind in the trees is magical. And my air mattress is still inflated
Last night a few cousins got boozy. I had a brief moment of fomo when they were bonding over the latest beer but i dont want to drink because my life as i know it would unravel. I will keep a sparkling water in my hand and be greatful for the miracle of getting and staying sober. I may hit a meeting in town tonight at 730pm. Tears in my eyes now as i realize even after 4yrs sober it still takes work to protect my sobriety. I can never drink like a normy. Once a pickle, always a pickle
Hope you are able to get in a nap today. 4 am is too early to be up for the day
Glad you have a meeting available and are planning to attend. Yeah- that stupid FOMO can creep up on ya. Grateful you know what a beautiful sober life you’ve built and realize it would not be possible if alcohol was involved.
Even if I could I don’t know why we would want to put literal poison in our bodies. It’s the fucked up society brainwash that makes us think we Re the un normal ones. You flex those sober muscles girl and have a blast with your family
Jazzy @JazzyS i appreciate hearing from you especially today. Boy its been a doozie today. Im still up not ready just yet to call it a night. Somehow we decided that half the camp is going to get drunk and the other half will be taking turns watching my cousin detox. This shit is bananas. Oh add my sister ran from a black bear. A tornado watch. And almost an aa meeting at an airport hanger lol this one will be one for the books.
My family has a similar annual camping trip. The best feeling about it for me is I have to get up to pee less and I actually get to enjoy nature rather than be hung over. I hope you can get some more sleep tonight
wow, that sounds like an adventure
I’m glad you are home and can unwind. Hangoverfree, tired, all memories intact, that’s how really great adventures happen
Have a restful night friend.
. So grateful that you have such a good therapist who is working with you and helping you process your fears. I am so proud of you CJ. You are doing the hard stuff and building a wonderful sober life for yourself.
. I appreciate you for sharing!
