Father’s day is a hard day for me and I knew triggers would be everywhere… but I wasn’t expecting this one…
My husband works on the weekends so we decided he would celebrate fathers day with the kids on Monday, though I will be gone all day. Be it so… it is fathers day today and I woke him up at 8, brought him coffee and told him I was making a small family breakfast. He said, “10 more minutes.” more than an HOUR later and 15 minutes before he has to leave he comes out, grabs his breakfast (the kids and I have finished at this point and I’m feeling butthurt) and takes it in the other room to eat. Then he gets on his phone and starts watching videos. So I’m feeling an F it moment and start moving on with my day before I cry. He asks me why I’m cleaning the tub like I’m an idiot and he has been waiting on me all morning. I told him I was moving on with my morning and getting the tub ready for bath time because he clearly wanted to be left alone… This led to him getting mad, accusing me of putting words in his mouth and stomping off and slamming the bathroom door behind him.
I am really trying to understand the other side of the story here! I don’t get how he could be so dense that it never came to his mind that his behavior might hurt my feelings… It was all to celebrate HIM and I feel like he totally blew us off. I tried not to talk about it and let it pass so an argument wouldn’t break out on fathers day, but he kept pushing me to explain my avoidance as if he already knew why I was upset and was already prepared to shut my feelings down.
I am really trying to understand what his perspective on this may be but I’m drawing a blank.
Was I overreacting by having hurt feelings and being avoidant?
Had to vent… any dad insight to this situation would be appreciated.
Happy Father’s Day to all you Dads out there <3
I understand he may not be that bothered himself that its fathers day, as he has to work. However to act so selfishly, not appreciate what you did for him, and to want to watch phone crap instead of spending time with you and the kids…??? As a husband and dad of two boys 9 n 12 I think it was out of order. Done.
Thank you. This will probably be driving me nuts all day and I’m usually asleep before he gets home to talk about it. It makes sense that he wouldn’t give much mind to it being fathers day. Maybe he wasn’t awake enough to fully understand the situation when I brought him coffee. Still… If that was the case I’m not sure why he got so mad instead of just saying my bad, I didn’t realize. I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong and the situation could have been solved if he had communicated with me the same way he was demanding I communicate with him instead of getting pissed at me.
Not to be a jerk, but it sounds more like this was all about you.
Maybe he just wanted to sleep in and have some time to himself for Father’s Day!
You also agreed the celebration would be tomorrow and thus maybe he was mentally prepared for it then, not today.
Not jerky… just honest. If that is what he wanted then he should have told me when I went in and let him know I wanted to make a family breakfast instead of telling me he would be out ten minutes after coffee… then I would have made oatmeal instead of a nice breakfast. He was in our room watching videos on his phone… not sleeping in. I would be totally fine with whatever he wanted this morning… but that fact that he knew I was out there making a nice breakfast to share with his family and chose not to join or got too distracted is why I got upset. I was trying to do something nice for him since I won’t be there to do so tomorrow. I would have been fine letting it go if it didn’t turn into an argument with a door slammed in my face for simply being honest about my feelings being hurt. I’m sure there is more to his side of the story or something bothering him… but I’m not sure me being selfish would be on the short list.
Actually, @Dogboi… worrying about myself and my feelings probably did make me come off as a selfish B-word when he did ask me what my deal was. I should have told him that I just wanted to do something nice for him and that I was disappointed it didn’t work out instead of putting all of my emotions on the table. I did make our argument all about me this morning and didn’t even ask him what the heck was up with him. Thank you, took some thinking but I think I’m ready to send him a text and stop being mad. <3
Was gonna respond,but you totally figured it out. I wouldnt send,a text expecting anything as it seems most of this just happened in your own mind not his. Amazing how when we choose to be happy and not overthink,we can actually be happy,and those around us follow. So be happy damnit LOL
I agree with this part until he complains about her cleaning the tub. If he wanted his quiet alone time then he can have it. On Fathers Day he gets his choice. But others shouldn’t have to wait for him to decide each minute. He could have come in and said “hey, I was thinking we could do this, do you mind finishing that later?”.
Glad you don’t think I’m an ass. I tend to get into little “crunchy situations” like this with my husband and I’ve realized mostly they’re selfish or at least my reaction was, I play martyr and get hurt easily because of it.
My therapist tells me to mind my own shit, deal with and control my own feelings, RESPOND instead of REACT. Your husband has his own garbage, just like everyone.
We CAN change the outcome of events like this though by being conscious. It’s hard though! Remember you’re loved by your man and miscommunications happen.
Have a great rest of the day!
I didnt like that either. He thought I was cleaning the tub because I was mad but I was just getting ready to bathe the 3 year old and had washed the dog last night. I think we were just on different agendas this morning and it was just an unfortunate misscommunication. Not to mention we are both sleep deprived with three sick kids.
I think I can check this situation off of my trigger list and move on with the day
Thank you <3 feeling better now and have resolved my trigger feelings on this one. Thank you for the insight, sometimes it takes being called on the carpet
I think you both just needed to communicate a bit more about your expectations of the day.
For example, Morning honey, happy fathers day, here is your coffee. I am making breakfast for the family and it will be ready at 9, lets sit down with the kids and chat while we eat. Does that sound good to you?
Then during meal time you can ferret out what he expects or wants for his special day.
