So i have a friend and we were both in the process of becoming sober but she recently relapsed and it seems like shes not gonna stop. She was 8 months sober from cocaine but shes back to using as often as she can and im worried about her. Shes already been hospitalized for heart problems and i dont want her to die. We are supposed to be in summer school, she needs english 12 to graduate and im doing it to get ahead but she isnt there. Its been 2 days and shes at home still just using.
I want to be there for her, but this is exhausting. Shes helped me through rough patches when i needed her, but im super busy with work school and my recovery and i cant balance helping her too. Shes seen doctors and therapists so she has help but she is never fully honest with them so it doesnt quite work. For years i have been on her side, mesaging her at 1am so she doesnt kill herself, hanging out with her after breakups so she wouldnt cut again but i dont know if theres anything i can do for her now. Am i a bad friend if i cant help her anymore? I need to focus on me right now, i just dont want her feelings hurt. Am i selfish?
Edit: Also because i only drink and she got addicted to “real drugs” she always minimizes how i feel when im going through withdrawls/cravings. It hurts yknow
I know that I can’t be responsible for someone else’s sobriety and/or recovery. They have to want it for themselves. My recovery comes first and if that means cutting someone off then so be it. Some times I have to be selfish to keep myself sober.
You’re not being selfish, you are doing what’s best for you. Like @anon36296096 said, if you have to cut someone off so be it. I’m sure this will come to a head at some point and you two will have to speak face to face about it and when that time does come, just be honest. It’s a lot of weight on your shoulders to help someone who does not want help you don’t want to know where those feelings can take you. Focus on yourself and let the feelings of guilt drift away.
I had a friend from rehab that relapsed two times that I know of and it was difficult to watch. It was hard because he would not take suggestions for trying other things because what he currently was doing for sobriety wasnt working. My boss with 30 years sober told me I had to let him go with love, as this is his journey and that he was in gods hands. I did that, I told him I loved him and he would need to work on himself before I could be around him as it was difficult for me to see as I worked on my own sobriety. I havent heard from him in months and I hope he is well. He faced losing his 3 daughters permanently and that wasnt enough to stay sober. I understand how you feel and I wish you the best while you work on YOU!
If you focus on your friend instead of your own recovery, you could very likely end up following her down the rabbit hole. That’s the reason you have to remain sober for yourself and not others. I cut family and friends out of my life because I decided I was tired of being in active addition and they enjoyed it too much to quit. Surround yourself self with people who will be healthy for sobriety not toxic
That’s tough because I’m sure you love your friend but she knows shes got a problem because she wouldn’t have gotten sober with you.She is the one that has changed y’alls relationship by going back to using.you have been there for her and you can still give her advice but you can’t run with her if she’s chosen the life style over you.you have to be there for yourself first.if she chooses to self destruct don’t let her take you with her.you can love her from a distance.stay sober for you ,live for you ,enjoy the life in front of you