Am I the only one?!


#1

So, in my ongoing sobriety… It’s like im learning everything about life… Constantly.
After I got sober… I got a full time job & got heavily involved with my children’s schooling, activities, & sports.
Life in itself is so tiring. Life is GREAT for me… Im content with working & doing family stuff. I however do not have the energy to put out towards anyone else though. Even family. Im enjoying the little things… But why can’t I seem to want to connect with other people. Im not asking if it gets better, or how to stay clean. Maybe I’m just getting older and focusing on my children’s needs before my own… Which is what I should’ve done during my addiction.
Can anyone relate?


#2

I can relate. I have a 1 1/2 year old. If did, would i be putting my energy towards others? I’d like to think no. If my energy isnt on my family, it’s on me. I focus on me. I know I need to be the one who gets better. No one else can help that.
Do I think it’ll change? Dont know. Not sure if I care. I like where I’m at. This is the only social media I have anymore and it’s good enough for me.


#3

I Definitely can relate.
Seems like your focusing in the right place though.


#4

It makes me feel better I’m not the only one.
I feel like, life takes so much effort & just doing your daily priorities is so much. I feel like i worked my ass off to get to this point in my sobriety… That my feelings are fragile & not to be played with. That goes with any friendships or relationships… And I can’t afford to let ANYONE take my peace of mind. So I just focus on my children & whats important instead putting out possible wasted effort & getting failed expectations out of others 🤷


#5

@TaylorMarie can relate as well. Not sure how long sober you are, but I’m at a bit over 2 months. I feel like I’ve almost formed a protective little shell around myself and that while tiring and painful at times, it’s necessary for growth and recovery. I have enough to give to family and career, but I have much less of myself to give in the situations you describe. Hoping some of the old me will come back eventually.


#6

I’m 5 1/2 months sober. Congrats on 2 months! Gosh, ive been on drugs for so long … I don’t know who the real adult me is. So I’m learning from scratch basically. I’m literally on a day to day basis & take things as they come. But… Some would call it being “dry” by not branching out & forming connections… I call it being safe. I am my own worst enemy & if anyone is gunna take me out of my sobriety its going to be me… Not how someone hurt me or made me feel. I have a fucked up way of thinking things… But I have to be so careful… I’ve come too far & just don’t have the energy to put into other people besides family or work.


#7

I can relate. Soon 4 months of sobriety in and Im learning to know the person/me behind my addiction. Also learning to trust other people. Im not looking for connecting with friends (new or present), but i do connect with my aa group members and thats all i need so far. Those groups support enormously my sobriety and growth so i dont see it competing with my family/childrens needs. You know the saying, when you take care of yourself you are better at caring for others too :slight_smile:


#8

Well the best way to not be dissapointed by people is not to expect anything and let the cards fall. Are you talking in terms of finding a partner who may be able to help provide and possibly lift stress from your life? Usually our lives are to full to make time to date or even put effort into it. Then we have the thought of “what if” i did. Which i feel can be confusing as i have a routine now that is full and im an introvert. Personally i havent went out of my way and plan to let people fall into my life as intended and not forced or sought after.


#9

I can relate. My kids are in kindergarten and daycare. I try to make sure they have everything they need at school and home and volunteer for all the school activities. I’m overextended with work and have started leaving the office to spend more time on family stuff. I also have a hard time connecting with others, but for me, I’ve always been reserved and have only a small handful of close friends most of which live in other parts of the country. At some point, I’ll try to make some mom-friends, but for now I’m just focusing on myself.


#10

I posted about the same thing last week! I’m really enjoying my own company at present and feel no desire to socialise outside of my immediate family circle. I too feel exhausted! Well done on your continued sobriety :star_struck:


#11

In my experience the only expectations one should have is the expectations one has for themselves.
:grin:


#12

I’m an introvert, so yeah, pretty much all the time. I enjoy it when I do socialize with others, but it drains my energy and I just can’t “people” again for a while.

Between work duties, engaging with coworkers, interacting with my disabled sister-in-law who lives with us, having dinners with the in-laws and getting necessary life-stuff taken care of, I typically don’t feel like I can spare anymore for others. Any extra time is spent on my relaxation and self-care, or spending time with my wife.

And I’m FINE with it. People who know me, get it and accept it. They know what I mean when I say I’m worn out and just can’t “people” right now. Hopefully your family will, too.


#13

Same here. I don’t socialize much with people. I deal with people all day at work, customers and colleagues. I see people at my martial arts classes, but they’re only an hour, and it’s very active time. I socialize with friends, but it’s more 1-on-1 than group stuff.

It’s not that I dislike people. They just wear me out.


#14

Yes! I totally relate to this! I’m not trying to sound better than or act like i am… But when people get sober & don’t have anything to do… Besides meetings… Is crazy to me! Life is so full of responsibilities & just daily maintenance… Idk… I guess the further I get into my sobriety I’m not so hooked on “I’m an addict” constantly like I was in the beginning. Im just living life doing what i have to do for myself and my children. If that makes any sense at all??


#15

Thank you! Im glad Im not alone in this! Congrats to you too my friend! :slight_smile:


#16

Yes! I can’t people right now either!


#17

I share this sentiment completely. After owning my addicition I took it past “extreme ownership” lol and almost lost my identity to it in the process. It was an actual fear of mine. However I find myself like you, getting back into my focus and trimming the fat sort of speak when it comes to my time and energy.


#18

When we were drunks and addicts its was ALL about US. Being sober is a completely different reality.

I don’t find it strange at all that I’ve become more involved with my kids and wife, that was a big reason of wanting to quit drinking in the first place.

Just keep doing the sober life and more and more answers will be revealed.


#19

Yes! There were things i was told in my treatment center that turned out not to be.
Like, if you don’t get a sponsor, if you don’t attend meetings, all this recovery talk… That you’ll relapse. Im proof you can do it without. But I will say that the AA book is AMAZING! I think ANYBODY in life could gain from that book. Im an addict and an alcoholic… And I love the book. But some people being so fixed on having to live their lives around meetings and a stamp of “I’m an alcoholic/addict”… To where they think theyll relapse… Is almost dangerous in itself. I had that thought process until i didn’t have a choice but to get clean on my own. Cheers to anybody who got it done & got clean though… All that matters is that we did it, not how we got here :clap: :clap:


#20

As you grow as a person, the addiction becomes a smaller and smaller part of you. It becomes history, not future. Keep growing the good parts of your life, and the addict part of you is less of the whole. Addition through subtraction.

As you get better at getting better, it’s ok to not think of yourself as an addict. You are clean and sober, which is part of you. Make this the greater part. Then go be awesome, and this becomes part of you as well.