I just feel like I wasn’t put on this earth to achieve happiness. Well, not my own anyways. Chemically induced Lexapro zombie is as happy as I get these days. I don’t understand unfiltered joy. Happiness has never seemed achievable.
It’s never been more than a fleeting emotion. A cold breeze through the window. But I’m on fire…
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Depression can be really tough to make headway against. I know in my mental health journey I’ve had to invest huge amounts of time and energy into getting better, and doing a lot of things I don’t want to do, but it’s been 100% worth it in ways I couldn’t have envisioned when I was at my lowest. My life is so much different now. Still a struggle, but thousands of times more hope, and yes even happiness from time to time.
Other than medication, what sorts of things have you tried so far to help?
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What are the benefits of taking Lexapro?
It works by helping to restore the balance of a certain natural substance (serotonin) in the brain. Escitalopram belongs to a class of drugs known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI). It may improve your energy level and feelings of well-being and decrease nervousness.
I have tried to develop better relationships with people and that has given me some happiness. There were times when the only positive feeling I had for the day was when I made the bed in the morning. I feel for you, my friend. Also, check out the Meme wars thread. It will at least give you a laugh or two. 
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R u doing better today?
Lexapro is horrible. 5 years I was on it and it made me a zombie. 3 months it took to get it out of me with rare side effects. It caused a non stop whooshing feeling every time I moved. Bent to the left a little (whoosh whoosh whoosh). Get away from Lexapro. Try something different and away from Lexapro.
I can definitly relate to your post. Years ago when I was HEAVY into my drug use I was extremely emotionally imbalanced. When I cleaned up the 1st time around (after coming off of a long time use of meth and other drugs) they had me on a prescription cocktail that made me emotionally flat. I could not find happiness on my own. It took some time and abit of adjusting with my meds but I finally found medication that stabilized my BPD but also didn’t make me emotionally “flat”. Some drugs can definitly have some crazy side effects 
But then i also had to look at my life and the environment around me. I needed to start getting to know myself (bcuz I had no clue my likes and dislikes etc) and what I enjoyed doing. I had to surround myself with positive people and over time I managed to develop some happiness on my own. Idk if this helps. But just my thoughts about your post 
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So…yes, happiness is fleeting. So is anger or sadness or frustration or boredom or any other human emotion. Human emotions are dynamic. Humans are complicated.
The pursuit of happiness is important, but the expectation of constant happiness is unrealistic. Maybe aim for serenity instead?
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Could be worse. My “zombie” feeling wore of in only 2 weeks when I quit taking it. But the tinnitus never stopped, so now I’m deaf in my left ear, most likely for the rest of my life. 
I am also on a low dosage of meds for BPD. Since my 20s I have been on and off different meds. This time it’s been about 3 years. I don’t have any side effects, but it is a low dose.