https://www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com/
Belle Robertson, a woman from Canada, has tools I found helpful. You might wanna check it out.
I think we all could give ourselves some grace and trust in the process of getting to know ourselves, how we get hooked , how we run, how we hide, how we expect everything to be ok all of the time, all that stuff of life, really. It’s a journey of recovering our true selves, right?
Hugs!
I am on waitlist for drug and alcohol program. First one I’ve done in 20+ years. Read my previous post about LTR breakdown. My booze use and behaviors resulting from it and other things def. caused some bad episodes but my partner also has some non-booze control and gaslighting stuff to work.
I’m also getting some therapy with a counsellor on my own. I love and care for my partner and family and don’t want to lose it. I am not sure about partner. I get mixed messages. We still sleep in same bed, cuddle, are intimate and she’s shown up to 3 of my kids’ events in the last week. She says she wants to save it too but keeps insisting on needing space and time to heal. She could have gone away this weekend to her dad’s as she doesn’t have her kids but chose to stay here with me and my kids. 
She’s asked us all to move out of the family home for a year with only the possibility of reconciliation. Too many variables over the course of a year and I simply can’t do that to my kids and I (or her kids).
Time we have and space can be found as we only have our kids 50% of the time. I am sad and disappointed with her not being willing to give help a try along with time and patience while we come together as a family to make it through this.
Part of me (the realist) can see she isn’t really being genuine and that we probably aren’t suited to one another. I have my doubts and trust issues with her. I am not the same happy guy I was before we moved in together.
I’m trying to be brave, stoic and a man for myself and my kids but on the inside I’m hurting a lot right now and it’s a big trigger. I don’t like placing this kind of power and control in someone else’s hands but really want to save my family and myself. I have gone through all of this before and it’s horrible.
I’m really sorry to hear this. Its so hard to go through the tough stuff in life. Being sober can be hard but I think it helps us feel the feels even though its gut wrenching and that’s healing in a lot of ways. If we pushed those feelings down and/or drank them away we’d stunt ourselves. Stay strong. You and the kids deserve the best version of you. Check in often and remember being vulnerable in relationships is difficult but worth it. I’m sorry its not working out. I wish I had better words but please hang on, things do get better and your happiness matters!