An Untold Story

Your Story
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Hi :slight_smile:

Never spoke my thoughts out loud, it’s been 4 days since I had my last drink. I never thought that I could be addicted to alcohol, honestly I still don’t think that I am. However, I’ve got a problem with it, last week I hit 2 bottles of red wine, a sixpack beer and some shots aaaaaand was ready to go out. I think that says it all, besides the long story of 16 years abusing it to numb my feelings. I turned 30 a couple days ago and had enough of it. In my perfect scenario I was going out, having fun, drink one drink only and leave. Reality looked like this: Wanted to go out, drank a couple of drinks at home already, getting too wasted to go out, drink more. OR: Going out, having fun, drink a sh!tload of drinks, beer, wine, booze … and got all screwed up.

I got married early, divorced a couple years later, fought always with my new GF about alcohol, never was able to stop drinking. My body isn’t addicted to it, no shaking, no sweating, all in all - nothing. But there is a little voice in my head that keeps me bound to the bottle. It may sound a little bit weird, but I think that it’s fun to drink. Even with a huge hangover and headaches the next morning - I never stopped.

Well, it seems that it was all fun for me, not for my friends, family, GFs and so on … I just keep asking myself if I can’t get any positive feelings out of the world when I’m sober, because it seems so boring.

Nothing gives me satisfaction, externally … I had it all in this short period of lifetime, luckily I was never poor, got money, got cars, got houses, anything you can image, but it is all the same: boring AF.

Wondered, if you guys had same expierences, share my love to you - I am grateful to speak it out loud.

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@Oliverjava Thank you very much for your help, I appreciate it a lot! You have no idea what a big smile my face has right now :smiley: It feels liberating, I was bouncing in between those on/off phases for … yeah 16 years. It comes to a point where it’s melting down on my feelings, my emotions, my personality and my relationships. So yes, you’re right, there are plenty of things which I am able to do. I realized four days ago that external events can’t determine my happiness - they just can’t.

So … I’m glad that you were answering, thank you very much!

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Maybe you’re right about your body not being addicted, I would have said the same, but then when I actually stopped, the first week I was sweating over night, and if your mind is telling you to drink, even when you don’t really want to, that probably means you are addicted.
Just keep going with it, and see how your perceptions start to shift. Good luck !

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Well … month after my first post I am still in this vicious cycle, work puts on some really heavy and dark pressure on me. I am still making decent amount of money, got drunk since January daily - this sucks. I just want to stop it forever.