Thank you so much. Omg that really moved me, made me tear up a bit. I will definitely take your advice. I’ve looked into the AA meetings in my area and I am from a very small area so they’re pretty much non-existent. And not very anonymous since everyone here knows each other. I will for sure check out the online meetings with the link you provided. Thank you again for the kind words and making me think about how I see myself.
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My pleasure Ren. Never give up and remember: you’re a good person and you deserve a safe life where you can look at yourself in the mirror, and respect yourself. Yes life has its ups and downs but you deserve to be your supporter; you deserve to be supported (by yourself and by people who respect you - and you do deserve respect).
You’re a good person Ren. Take care and keep checking in here. You matter! 
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It might be worthwhile if you can, to get some counselling about this. It’s not mandatory of course but my personal experience has been that unpacking these “core beliefs” about worthiness and personal / self-concept - it’s helpful to have that individual attention from a counsellor.
However - as I said that is just if you have the opportunity. Sobriety groups are the fundamental tool and will help you get clean, and they’ll also be a space where you can explore who you are and what you believe (about yourself and about the world). And that is a huge step forward!
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