I attended a meeting this evening and our topic was anger (based on a page out of As Bill Sees It) . It was a pretty big meeting and I’m still a new attendee so I didn’t speak, but I had something that I was thinking about that I figured I would post here. Maybe someone could bounce ideas off of mine, or maybe it could help someone who’s struggling with anger in their sobriety journey. Anyway, I had a therapist tell me a couple years ago (while I was still in active addiction, unbeknownst to her) that anger is almost always a mask for another emotion that we’re ashamed of or don’t know how to express. Often we know that if we express anger outwardly, people will react. We know that releasing anger can make us feel better in the moment, but sometimes guilty after the fact. I think it’s really interesting that some people experience anger while intoxicated and others don’t. I believe it often is due to trauma that hasn’t been worked through or acknowledged and unfortunately a few (too many) drinks gives us the courage to let it out. It’s so important to unpack that feeling and understand what emotion is truly causing that anger, be it pain, embarrassment, numbness, etc. when we’re drinking it’s never a process of unpacking, it’s a process of adding more to the overflowing suitcase that’s never going to zip. When we get sober, we slowly, piece by piece, take those feelings back out and surrender to them. We finally feel them. I get it now, when people say it will get worse before it gets better. I’m just grateful to be here so that I can do the unpacking I need to, so that I can live the way that I know I deserve.
This was long so thanks for reading if you made it this far! Hope everyone has a good night.
I agree completely that anger is an unhealthy tool that many people choose to use and I believe this largely stems from our individual character defects. Earlier on in my recovery and would feature in my daily inventory quite regularly so we begin to not act on it, it features a lot less now though I am far from perfect or completely free from defects of character.
I have seen anger from other people to other people that are a part of my life recently and whist it is none of my business is very interesting to see and helps to remember how we have let it play a party in our lives previous to today.
Thanks for giving me something to reflect on this morning, have a great day
Thank you for sharing this. Especially at the end of my addiction, I would get angry every single time I drank. The smallest most trivial thing would set me off and I would completely act up and make a nasty scene.
Now that I’m in recovery, I still struggle with anger on occasion, but I’m able to recognize there’s an underlying issue or emotion that I’m not addressing and need to work through.
It’s an interesting topic, hope you have a good night!
Anger used to ruin my life. It was a lot worse with alcohol. I’ve worked on it, childhood problems and all.
There can be a mimic reason too. My father was, is, and will always be an angry man, I saw that all my childhood and it played on me. I was so angry at the world, and especially…at him
I’ve made peace with him and a few other things. Now I’m alright.
Really informative post. I know post is from 2023 still wanted to say thank you for sharing. Anger with me is a huge issue. Triggers I recognize beforehand but my impulsiveness will not allow to think before I act. Funny thing when I do get angry my ex and current husband got and get angrier and make a huge deal that lasts for hours when once I calm the event is over. Makes me feel my emotions must be stifled.
