Made it ten months without alcohol, on my way to eleven. I’m proud of myself for making it through everything I have, especially all the events leading up to and including my best friend’s wedding last weekend.
But I’ve noticed that my emotions are still all over the place. I feel like being under such extreme stress and having to deal directly with my feelings is still unfamiliar to me and idk what to do to handle everything in the best way. When I started this journey, I guess I figured by this point things wouldn’t be so hard but I’m still trying to put my life together and figure out who I even am anymore. I feel disconnected from myself and it stresses me out even more when I think about it. Any advice is welcome.
I went through the same thing around the same time as you. I ended up switching sponsors and really recommitting to my step work. I also prayed a lot. This too shall pass.
I’ve not hit that milestone yet so can’t offer solid advice, only what I have been told “we are forever evolving into a newer version of ourselves throughout sobriety” we will always find things out about ourselves along our journey, it’s not a race to be “normal” we all find ourselves at a different pace. Hope that helps somewhat
In addition to the very sound questions @anon34614660 posited, I would ask what have you done these last 10 months to grow as a person? I ask this because I spent the last 11 months not only dropping booze, but dropping other things that sucked the soul out of me. I quit listening to talk radio. Now I listen to podcasts that actually feed my brain. I placed a self-imposed ban on TV, Monday-Friday. I got back into a morning routine that includes, prayer, reading a devotional and physical exercise, and I keep to this 7 days a week. I explored various hobbies and rediscovered one (martial arts) and it quickly went from hobby to passion. I set a goal of reading a book a week, and have been pretty successful in keeping to it. I set a goal to hug my wife no fewer than 5 times every day.
If all I did was quit drinking and nothing more, I would be the same person I was 11 months ago. Boring, emotionally stunted, morose, just a walking zombie-bummer. I didn’t like that guy. I got rid of him.
A wise man told me many years ago that I would be the same person in five years, except for the books that I read, the things I did with my time and people I meet. I can say that paying attention to these three aspects of my life, has made a huge impact on its quality, and my ability to keep sober.
I have been going to therapy since I began this journey (which I have posted about), as I know there was more to work on and going on than just the drinking aspect. I have done a lot of work other than just not drinking, I have put work into changing the core of who I am and what I want out of my life. I am currently in the process of finding someone else as well to talk to to delve deeper into my mind to make more sense of my feelings and to continue to make progress.
I’m also the type of person who finds relief through writing when I am upset or hurting, as it gets everything out and allows me to process how I’m feeling a lot easier (as I’m sure many others do as well). I do not use this app for documenting all of my positive emotions.
I have changed so much in my life since I quit drinking. Picked up new interests and hobbies, started reading again, integrating fitness back into my life regularly. I just am finding that I want more and to be progressing more. I hate feeling like I’m at a stand still and just want to sensibly continue moving forward. I am also dealing with more than just not drinking also, so that is adding stress and overwhelming me a bit. I’ve found that being more picky over the people I spend my time and the quality of those connections has positively affected my life as well.
I’m not the same person I was ten months ago, so it’s just strange to start over and rediscover who I really am now after years of allowing alcohol to define me.
What is CBT? And counseling has helped me but I will be switching to someone who can help me more on this new part of my journey.
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. It hasn’t been easy but it has been so worth it to make it this far, good luck to you as you continue on each day!! I know I never expected to make it this far, when I started I couldn’t imagine going ten months completely sober. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done, despite how hard it can get.
I call this feeling “swimming”. Swimming is easier than treading water, isn’t it? When you swim, you are moving and getting somewhere. When treading water, you are moving, but the only thing you’re getting is tired.
Keep getting better at getting better each and every day.