I had a beautiful weekend planned in the middle of woods and had got some mushrooms to kind of figure out why I’m constantly relapsing; led to one of the biggest relapses in my life. Quit my job, I drank two bottles of vodka and countless beers all by myself and now I’m dealing with it coming out of my body.
I’m shaking and sick; eating hurts my body. I do feel like I haven’t been trying therapy to the fullest and wil be setting up an appointment when I feel a little better…
Cast the widest net possible to catch more recovery tools. We never know what exactly it is that’ll make stuff click. Keep trying until it does and do not fall the same way twice. If you keep recovery a huge part of your daily life it’s likely you’ll find success. Best wishes to you.
Sorry to hear , that feeling is truly one of the worst. I keep telling myself that I don’t ever have to feel a hangover again. Easier said than done but when I am in a low place I try to hold myself kindly. This is all our first time being alive on this earth. Better days are ahead if we put in the work to keep alcohol out of our life.
In the same boat and hope you know that others are here to help us on our journey to total & peaceful sobriety.
It’s great that during this hard time you reached out here. I can relate to the frustration of constant relapsing. I feel like I have been resetting that damn sober counter every other day lately. I just started going to therapy about a month ago and I haven’t been brave enough to really dive into my issues with drinking yet. That’s my goal for my next session later this week. That’s awesome that you seem open to pursuing some therapy. Be kind to yourself.
I’m sorry you feel this bad.
But maybe this is your last bender because it is this bad? Write down somewhere on a piece of paper how you feel right now. All the details!
You can use this piece of paper next time when your mind wanders off and consider a drink. It reminds you of why you can’t.
For now be kind for yourself and heal from the poison inside. Drink loads of water. Sleep it off a bit if you can and try to eat some simple light food.
Tomorrow will be a bit better.
See you then too!
I had that same feeling the day I decided it was over. I had no other option, because the only thing I could visualize if I didn’t stop was me not being here much longer. I did a complete 180 that day. I quit my job, in a timely manner changed all my daily routines and worked on the way I think, react, etc… I’m 107 days sober and it’s been the best decision. I’ve come so far in just that time. The first few weeks I didn’t do anything but sit in my shame and guilt. I made sure to sit in it all and feel it while my body recovered with rest. Proud of you for your acknowledgement and bravery in that. Praying for you and for strength
Hey, i really believe that we have to suffer along the way with a few mistakes to begin to accept what powerless means. We have to make mistakes to realize we are making mistakes and hopefully learn something from them too.
I think your first mistake here was thinking your gonna find answers using anythjng outside of yourself. Mushrooms wont give you an answer. Recovery is a journey if self discovery that you have to choose to make without mind or mood altering substances.
Dont be hard on yourself, i would imagine every single addict has tried to find answers outside of themselves and gone through a list of substances and methods along the way too. Its what addicts do, cunning, baffling and powerful it wants us on our own, in negative frame of mind, and chasing escape.
Maybe the lesson for you in this relapse is that you cant find answers in anything other than your own truth.
Addiction would be so easy to heal if there was something magical outside ourselves to fix it. Drugs are very unlikely to give us the answers we seek, as you probably well know. I’m sorry about your bender, right now just focus on being kind to yourself and getting through this. During massive hangovers/comedowns staying practical used to help. By that I mean, for now just focus on getting yourself physically better. Drink plenty of liquids, try eating something relatively healthy, watch a movie or something to distract you.
Sorry to hear that, I’m also had many relapses this is my 3rd day I’m feeling lot of better today than yesterday.
Every relapses made me worst before the last relapse, i quit my job and said myself that i will not relapse again but it happend again two times.
This time i’m following @SoberWalker suggestion that, I’m going to write everything on a paper about my last two horrible relapse.
We are with you and you are not alone. Live one day at a time.
Maybe reach out for help, this app is great. But from what I get from what you’re writing you need more then that. Considered Detox, IPO, rehab, a program? Your intake is massive, it is nearly impossible to stop that cycle by yourself. At least I couldn’t and even while in detox I nearly lost my life…….
You ask for nice words, but nice words won’t cut it.
Thank you for your post - you have triggered a good discussion which is always helpful for all of us, at least for me. See, you did something good - not only started to be true to yourself but also created this post with useful information. My relapses are more or less driven by unbalanced emotions - and that I’m a stable man let me tell you from psyche point of view - however my brain and those neuron connections I created during addiction got very creative in messing up my emotions after around 10 - 30 days the way it’s quite easy for me to take the first drink. The way out is all about constant and disciplined work (whatever works for you - AA, TS, therapist, reading books / articles on this topic, cleaning your house, setting up new daily routines), as well as sport or at least walking 1hr daily at faster pace (being active is a big positive factor in recovery) and setting objectives (remember to have top down approach - big objective split into several smaller milestones and reward yourself after achieving each). Take care, you can do it.
