Anticipating relapse (Anxiety)

53 days sober, and my biggest fear is relapse, I can taste it on my tongue and I already know how it will go if (when) I do. I’m going to meetings, avoiding triggers, I’m introvert and homebody so I don’t go out, which doesn’t matter because I drank alone at home anyways.
Sounds immature and dumb, but I almost think that I should just do it to get it out of the way, get my relapse out of the way.
Yes, I KNOW it sounds dumb, I’m just thinking out loud here, being open and wondering if anybody else thinks the same or has thought the same.

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It doesn’t sound dumb, a lot of people say relapse is part of recovery. I think it can be, but that doesn’t mean it has to be. I guess that’s the bit that’s up to you!

For me sobriety has stuck so far because I can still feel the aftermath of the shitshow that was my last night drinking. I’ve thought about it (and all the others that went before it) to know that is what happens when I drink. Play your tape to the end, does it still feel appealing?

I would also say that as time has gone by, situations that I thought would be impossible a year ago are now actually fine. Things do change, but none of us can predict the future. That’s why we take it one day at a time! :pray::sparkling_heart:

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Aww Lee, I so get what you’re feeling… It took me more than a few times before I got to where I am now… nothing to write home about YET, lol… but I feel like it’s sticking this time… Like it should be just as easy to live without it as it was to do it.
I hope you think about how proud you are and all of us actually; you’re a big part of my dedication and you help alot of people here.

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Thank you for the kind words Donna. I am enjoying sobriety, I think the outside world has an influence psychologically on addiction. I won’t let the world bring me down again. I love my hikes, my new dog, and the new freedom that comes with breaking those chains. Hope you have a great day.

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How long have you been sober?

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Since May 2018 - I still consider this early in the process :blush:

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Congrats, that is rad! Good for you, big ups to you.

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How long sober?

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19 days… It doesn’t seem like much, but since September I restarted a few times… but more sober days than not since then, lol

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It doesn’t sound dumb at all, I remember talking about this exact feeling, feeling like it was going to happen because it had so many times before, I knew I definitely didn’t want to drink but as soon as I started to feel comfortable with my new non drinking self I got scared I’d lose it somehow.
Good news is it didn’t happen and I don’t feel like that anymore, I’m much more confident in myself today and can happily face things that would have been daunting a year ago.
Keep doing what you’re doing one day at a time and your confidence in yourself will grow, identify situations that could be tricky ahead of time, plan for them as much as you can and never lose sight of where you came from

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Awesome for you!!! Congrats you n 19 days. Was it from alcohol?

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Thank you for replying, and thank you for the support

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Yes; I’m a beerie, lol… Love my cold ones!

Yup, me too. Beeraholic. OG Golden Coors and aIPAs

I drank Mich ultra… of course they’re on sale whenever I see them, lol. I’ve had my fill for a lifetime though; lol
Like I said, I missed it and had to check it out… I like life better this way…for ME; I can’t just drink 1 or 2. And it’s such a waste of time, money, and feeling and looking like crap… and at my age I would like to live a better version of me than I was.

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Fight it homie, that’s a trap. Take some CBD oil go to the gym and get that outta your system. Love yourself, remember the last time you woke up from a night of stupid shit …do you really want to go back to that?.

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Also no one thinks is stupid, I’ve said the exact same thing plenty of times. That was just me giving in.

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Hi Maybe try a meeting get sober support why suffer alone plenty of people there will know what your going through wish you well

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That’s so true, thank you amigo. I will go on a hike or to the gym. Sweating it out helps?

Exactly, can’t drink one or two. A 6 pack of Ballast Point IPA before I start drinking my 18 pack. Can’t go to Chilis and order ONE, that’s insane, who does that? Lol. Who sips and enjoys their beers? Lol. It was always hammer time!!!

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