Today is day 3
Im anxious. and I can’t stop thinking about alcohol.
I relapsed two years ago and haven’t stopped. I am trying to get back to how I was when I was in recovery. 6 years without a drop. Serms so long ago.
Im starting from scratch.This time, it’s different and harder bc I have no support. I feel alone and who cares if I get wasted a few times a week? I’m in my house. Not driving, not going out and causing issues… im just… existing in my house. Drinking alone. I guess it’s not ok to think it’s ok lol idk
Im really struggling today.
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Welcome to the community. And congrats on your 3 days. You’re definitely not alone here. There’s an army of great people on here to support you. You did it once, try and use some of the same methods you used the first time. I know starting over sucks but try and reach out here as much as you can. 
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Try and take heart, you are not alone. I’m only 80 days sober and I still struggle with loneliness and having to deal with my feelings sober. The first week I was so depressed and anxious it was unbearable. The beginning is the worst, hang in there and continue to post and read. This is a great place to be.
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You do have support. This is a great community and if you have a phone there are meetings you can join at anytime. So glad you are here!
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Hi welcome to the community.
I feel like I can really relate to your experience.
I was sober for 8 years, seemed so easy at the time.
Then I relapsed, like you it lasted 2 years.
This time getting sober and coming back from the 2 years hard relapse with life turnt upside down … it was so different this time.
I knew this time I couldn’t do a few days by myself let alone 1 year or 8 even.
I had to for the first time admit I needed help, get the help and accept the help, all of which was so not like me. I was a private person I didnt want to need help but I wanted to be sober so much.
I’m glad your here with us because this community has kept me Sober for a while now, the support and love shared between us to help eachother daily through the bad days and good days is amazing and you now are apart of that 
Huge congratulations on your 3 days and so glad to meet you.
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Oh my goodness! I wasn’t expecting such strong words of support and encouragement! Thank u guys so much! I will be on here a lot trying to figure my way out again.
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Something to think about,
You said it yourself you had 6 years. So what did you do to make it work for those 6 years? What did you do that the Wheels fell off?
As far as being at home not hurting no one
Your hurting yourself
You limit your options to do anything
Develop new crafts
Meet new people
It’s easy to rationalize our behaviors, it’s more difficult to try to change them.
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Seems your heart feels theres more to this journey than drinking?
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I def want to be done with drinking.
There’s a part of me though that says I deserve the misery of locking myself in my house to drink my life away
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Thank you sooo much! 
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I decided to start drinking again after being sober for a long time.
It was a well thought out decision. One that I thought about for a couple of years before I acted on it.
When I decided I was ready to have a couple of beers, I figured if it didn’t work out, I would be able to stop again. No big deal, lesson learned.
It was not easy to stop again.
One of my biggest obstacles was not appreciating my current sobriety. For example, 30, 60 and 90 days meant shit to me because I had walked away from close to ten years.
it made it really easy for my alcoholic thinking to justify drinking. I spent eight years living like that until my alcoholism progressed to a deadly level. Even then, I relapsed a couple more times.
I couldn’t pick up where I left off in recovery. I had to accept that what got me sober then wasn’t going to get and keep me sober now. I had to start over and appreciate my new milestones.
I had to let go of what I thought I knew, and re-learn it. Part of my problem was thinking I knew everything based on all my past experience getting sober and staying sober for so long. I could talk fluid recovery all day long. Talk without action wasn’t working.
I found this place and its been a huge help for me to get my feet firmly planted and help me build my foundation for what I want to be a tower of long term recovery. I haven’t drank in 1,009 days.
1009 days ago I fully conceded to my innermost self that I am an alcoholic. I’m allergic to alcohol. I cant have one because 1000 isn’t enough.
@Jop1 I’m glad you found this place! Its 24/7!
Surrender to win!
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That’s what alcoholism does. It presses you under its thumb and slowly squeezes the life out of you tricking you into thinking you deserve it.
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I hate it so much!
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Thank u everyone for sharing ur experiences with me! It def has helped me so much this morning. I prayed so hard when I woke up. I’m still thinking of drinking, but I will remain strong
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Thank you
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You put that into words so perfectly, thank you.
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I am another day sober because of all of u! Thank u!
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I agree @JasonFisher my numbers now are insignificant sorry that’s not true they seem insignificant to me. I clocked up 2 years 734 days ! And I started again because I thought it’s ok I’ve got this no problem! What a dickhead!
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Thats brilliant news to hear
Im so glad your here with us, its amazing and so powerfull the support here.
Congratulations on another sober day, so happy to hear this.
Its nice to watch people grow, and become strong digging deep for their inner strength and thats what your doing right now and i am proud of you !! I k ow its not easy but i cant tell you it does get easier.
Eventually our lives around also start to fall back into a nice place.
Glad to see you still here going tough 
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Thank u such!
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