I’m so sick of saying that I’m done with alcohol, there is nothing I hate more than waking up in the morning and remembering my drunken antics. I hate feeling bad for the people that have to put up with me and I love them so much for sticking around but honestly I don’t know why they do
It’s a lot less frequent that I do drink so much now which is good because I just can’t handle it however when I do drink I still just go completely off the rails and always say and do things that I regret.
The only reason I drink so much is so that I can be around other people without feeling anxious and that’s always been the case for me and now at the age of 33 I’m so tired of feeling this way. I’m currently waiting for an assessment to see if I have autism which is long overdue.
Last night I had to many yet again purely to cope with social anxiety and said things that I shouldn’t have and made a fool of myself yet again.
I want to quit alcohol completely but I just can’t seem to. It may sound silly but the reason I can’t is because I just want to feel normal and be able to sit with other people without feeling anxious all the time. The second I start to drink I lose all control of my thoughts and just go wrong but the anxiety dissapears too.
I have a leaving party with my boss and a few others soon and also my stag party coming up and the last thing I want to do is drink because it scares me so much but I don’t want to be a buzz kill and seem odd for not drinking. I am terrified of what I might say or do and I just don’t know what to do, if anyone has some advice I would really appreciate it, thanks in advance.
Personally I would rather not drink and not say anything then drink and say things that I felt bad about later. I’m hoping for you there’s a happy medium in there with not drinking and being able to be something other than totally non-verbal in a social situation. Give yourself a chance.
You could practice responses to common questions. How are you? Answer I am fine. Etc. They often say when you are in a social situation and do not know what to say to ask a person about themselves. In advance you could write down a few questions. People like to talk about themselves and it could keep you out of having to talk that much. I realize your case may be severe. And you may not be able to have any thing coming out of your mouth at all if you are sober. These are suggestions. Again I personally would rather be nonverbal, than drinking and saying things that I would regret later. You could tell people you lost your voice for the time being. Or skip the party at work And hope that your friends at your stag party will understand and accept you the way that you are. You are on your way to getting help. Things will get better. It starts with stopping drinking
OK so I don’t have social anxiety so can’t speak to that. But I know when I stopped drinking the idea of being in social situations sober made me feel nervous! That is really normal. Over time I have realised if I needed alcohol to make something feel fun, it probably wasn’t actually that fun for me. And it’s totally OK to focus on spending time with people and doing things you actually enjoy. You find out who your real friends are when you sober up!
Just saw a wonderful analogy about this on the daily check in thread:
For your boss’s leaving do, do you have to go? Or could you have something you really need to do in the morning which means you can only stay for half an hour? If you and your boss are really close you could always arrange to go for a coffee or lunch or something another time.
For your stag do… Is it already arranged and paid for? Is there any way you could say that you really need to take a break from booze, you want to enjoy yourself and so could something different be arranged? Something you want to do?
Have you had any mental health support, other than being referred for an autism assessment? I don’t know where in the world you are but in the UK a lot of areas now offer self-referral to online CBT which might be something to consider for the social anxiety, if you haven’t tried it already.
When I first stopped drinking I know I wanted all the answers right away, for everything to just be better. The thing is, I had no idea what better looked like because alcohol was intertwined with so many aspects of my life. It takes time to find a sober groove but it does happen eventually.
Patience is a hard thing to learn but when I started to truly believe in ideas of acceptance and impermanence, it made it easier. And over time the type of questions I was asking myself changed, so the things I worried about in early sobriety are no longer an issue.
Hope you can find a way to navigate all this that works for you!
If you have crippling social anciety, high five, so do I. Drinking at it won’t change it - or has it yet? No, it didn’t work for me either. It’s there for a reason. That reason is in you. This reason needs to be seen, felt, addressed by you and at some point it can be a reason no longer, just a problem or feeling or belief you once had. But by drinking at it, you keep this reason constantly deep repressed under the surface. You’ll never get better socially, because you’ll never deal with your reasons.
I still struggle with anxiety, over two years sober - but I struggle with it now, and sometimes it wins, but mostly I win these days, albeit in small ways! When I was still drinking, there wasn’t even a fight. I was a prisoner of my fears and alcohol kept the gate locked.
You’re getting married, congratulations! It’s also time to grow up and face yourself. Congratulations to that as well! Welcome here!
Hi. Thanks for your post… It s really important.
What i do is lying… Dont know if its correct or not but i tell lyes to have excuses and go home early to avoid drinking. (I am at the beginning… I keep stop drinking every week…)
It’s not really lying. Waking up hangover free is having something to do in the morning
Better yet though why not give yourself a genuine reason to get up early… Go for a walk, make a delicious breakfast, yoga, meditate, exercise, start a project. Making and keeping commitments to yourself can be a brilliant motivator!
Right… Sorry i Read my previous text and lye its wrong… I meant “lie”… I tell people lot of lies so i can go home and Escape from the social situation. Sorry for my english!
I don’t know how your anxiety presents, but previously I was bad at talking to people, terrified of silence or saying the wrong thing. For me, not drinking means I keep my faculties enough to follow the conversation, ask questions, reference things that were said previously that I actually remember. I also do things in my freetime that I can talk about. It has also brought self-acceptance, I will say what I can say, if there are pauses, let it be.
Maybe try a 12step program or support group, or seek somekind of treatment from a therapist or doctor. Its not uncommon for alcoholics to have social anxiety, i thought drinking made me a social butterfly but like you i always said too much and regreted every second of my drunken debauchery. I had to avoid alot of parties an events to get a better hold on my sobriety. We can allow our selves in the lions den for so long before we figure out the devastating effects that can come from staying in those kind of situations too long. Sounds like a great time to start on your recovery and get to the root cause of your anxiety. Wish you well on your journey.
It’s there for a reason. That reason is in you. This reason needs to be seen, felt, addressed by you and at some point it can be a reason no longer, just a problem or feeling or belief you once had. But by drinking at it, you keep this reason constantly deep repressed under the surface. You’ll never get better socially, because you’ll never deal with your reasons.
