Any advice please?

Im sophie and im 24 from the UK. I dont drink every day but alcohol does control my life. When I drink its like I have no off button and I drink until I black out, but even though my brain is switched off my body isnt and I do terrible things.
I shout and say vile malicious things to people, I fall over and embarrass myself and Ive even tried to hit my partner on a few occasions. Waking up and not knowing what Ive done is hell and when I do find out what Ive done I honestly do not even want to be on this earth anymore. I live with the guilt and shame of my words and actions every single day and I cannot do this to myself and others anymore.
I convince myself that I can drink and that itll be different but it never is and Im stuck in a cycle of binge drinking and self loathing. I get so frustrated that I cannot be like everyone else and just go out and have a good night, I dont understand why I cant do that and I think thats why I keep trying to be a ‘normal’ drinker as I want to be involved and have fun.
When Im sober I like to think I am a loving and caring person so I cannot fathom why I do such awful things.
Does anyone have any advice on how to stop feeling so terrible and how to stop drinking for good. Please. I need help.

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I wish I could offer advice but all I can do is let you know you’re not alone. I’m in the same boat as you and feeling just as lost. Hang in there and let’s both hope it gets better.

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That was me also. Drinking until I blacked out and/or had consumed every drop of alcohol in the house. when it gets bad enough and we make the decision to stop this insanity it’s tough but the rewards are amazing. I’m 23 days sober and Life is looking great. One thing that helped me is reading a book by Allen Carr The Easy Way To Control Alcohol. don’t lose hope because it is possible to get control of life.

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Thank you all so much, I have promised so many times before that I would stop and I never have, this time it’s different. It’s make or break this time so I have to follow through on my promise to stay sober. I think knowing that the only way I can make amends is by proving over time I can stop, I just need to find the strength to do it. I really appreciate all your kind words and advice.

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Hey there @Scb I know where you are coming from. When I drink I am a terrible TERRIBLE mess of a person. I am rude, violent, I fall down, I black out & wake up in strangers homes or in the hospital, I lose things, I break things, I steal, & the one that really hurts me the most is I treat my loved ones like crap! Like utter crap! I wake up & remember only bits & pieces of what happened & those bits & pieces terrify me & break my heart! I shudder to think about everything I did that I don’t even remember :frowning2: . The regret & shame is sometimes too much to bear! Too much! So I am determined to never feel that way again.

We always think “hey one drink won’t hurt”. But it never stops there. One drink, is one drink too many!
Staying sober is the only way we can guarantee not putting ourselves & loved ones through that pain again. We have to stay sober before we do something that we can’t live with. We have stay sober because us & our loved ones deserve to be genuinely happy & healthy.

Sobriety is hard work, but have courage in knowing that many just like us or worse have done it. So we too can do it! I’m 25 years old & 24 days sober after 5 years of heavy drinking & messing up my life, I have had it! Some days my cravings are so INTENSE! But you know what I’m beginning to see? The cravings always pass, we don’t have to give in to them.

Good luck. You got this! :slight_smile:

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I totally Can relate to your description. Before drugs i was an alcoholic addict and i did everything you wrote on this post. Included beating kickin my boyfriend…i Can understand the desease of the day After…can’t tell you how i dropped off this addiction…It Simply happened…i changed…
I only Can bè near your heart . I complitely understand you. If you Need some support do not exitate write me. A big hug 4u

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