Im about half hour from leeds 
I had to reset. 
. Apologies to everyone but I caved in last night “celebrating” my new job and I feel so ashamed and have lost respect for myself. Something I had only just rediscovered. After 14 days I drank. A quarter of vodka. I wasn’t blind drunk I wasn’t falling around the place and I actually didn’t even really enjoy it …but I did it. Really sad today but back on the sober train 
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Sorry to hear this, what’s done is done now so well done for jumping straight back on board and not turning it into a longer relapse. I’m sure you’re already thinking about it and analysing where you went wrong this time, remember what you’re feeling right now, write it down so you can look back at it next time and think about what it is you need to add to your toolkit to prevent it happening again. Did you talk to anyone or Pm anyone first so they could help you manage your thoughts? If not make sure you put in the toolkit for next time. It doesn’t have to a disaster as long as you learn from it. Everyone here has relapsed at some point, it’s what you do now that is important, think about what it is you need to add to your plan. Be kind to yourself x
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Hay . Please dont give yourself a hard time we all understand that horrible feeling the next day … proud of u 4 owning your relapse and getting back on track x
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Thank you and no I didn’t message anyone and that was the whole point of me starting this thread. Made a mockery of it didn’t I. Yes head hung low today x
Thanks Natalie wish I could say I was proud of myself x
Don’t beat yourself up hun, you won’t make the same mistakes next time, I believe in you, believe in yourself x
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Chamomile and honey tea and Emmerdale with my daughter. But a sinking heart x
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Have woken up with a heavy heart today. Can’t shift this feeling of dread. Hope everyone’s morning is going good x
Bless ya … i know its hard starting over again with all them horrible emotions… but you can learn from this and get back to happiness again… this recovery is a painful journey at times but just keep reaching out to people in recovery were all here to help x
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Thanks Natalie I know I won’t drink today it’s my daughter’s first GCSE but it doesn’t change the fact that I want to. I’m waiting on shopping being delivered so I’m stuck in house but think I will go a walk and clear my head after that . Hope you’re doing ok and your partner isn’t making things hard for you x
Im doing great thanks… my partner is back on track after his relapse… hes back in touch with his sponsor and going to meetings again … im just greatful we both understand recovery and he respect he stays away if he ever relapse again… even though we both in recovery we go to different meetings and i like that cos ive needed my meeting so much this week to share what happened . I gotta remember ive been a nightmare myself in the past and hes got me through… bloody men !! Lol x
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I know. Mine isn’t in a position to want to recover yet. Not really. He says he will cut down and have a few sober nights with me. He says he doesn’t want to drink in front of me but what he had done is chosen to go home and drink rather than sit with me sober and we don’t get much time together as it is since he works mostly evenings. I am hurt that he won’t try harder for our relationship. We talked about moving in together when I secured full time work which I have just done but now I’m having doubts about this. If I try to talk to him about the drink it he gets defensive and thinks I’m being condescending. I know he has to want it himself he often says he does but actions say otherwise. Once I start full time I will see even less if him as I won’t be about during the day. He talked about looking for different work but in reality I think he likes working evenings whereas I’m a creature if 9-5 routine. I think part of why I’m feeling dread and sadness today is I’m looking to my relationship future and I’m really not sure of the outcome… So sorry for going on I didn’t mean to purge all that but it just came out x
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My drinking cost me my relationship, now its just me living alone, no kids so not the same. It seemed at first like a great excuse to fall back into my old habits, I didn’t though I’ve stayed sober just for me. There is no day when I woke up and just felt like this fantastic new and sober person it doesn’t work like that. I don’t miss the drinking though I do miss my ex partner a lot, being sober has made me a nicer more bearable person I’m sure and that’s what I cling to. I’m surrounded by supportive friends who are so considerate and they keep saying to me ‘You seem so much more like yourself’, that hits home because they never exactly said ‘you’re a mess’ when I was abusing alcohol. They clearly witnessed a very quick spiral from social drinking to problem daily drinking and are happy that I’m beating this thing for now.
I suppose the point I’m making is that you’ve got to do this for you, and it’s true what they say it’s one day at a time and then one day you just look back and think ‘WOW! DID I REALLY BEHAVE LIKE THAT?!’ Ultimately the people who really matter and really care will be with you at the end and will be happy for you, especially your daughter I’m sure. Stay strong and remember you made this whole thread to have like minded people to reach out to when the going gets tough <3
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I know and I AM determined to stay strong and sober I just wish in my heart he wanted that for himself just as much. He drinks more than I did. I know I can’t make him do it I just hate the thoughts of losing our relationship x
Ah i feel your pain … he definitely needs to want it… its not fare him going home to drink while u r at home fighting 4 recovery… im blessed that my partner wants recovery its the first relapse hes had and hes proving how much he wants recovery again … hes even taken the day off to re do his steps and spend time with his sponsor… i cant do this 4 him … even though were both in recovery we cant do eachothers journey… your partner needs to realise this is serious now … your crying out for help … u need support… have u tried meetings ? X
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I did go to one last October but felt not comfortable there. I’ve just downloaded an AA app which I’m going to start using. That’s not to say I won’t try AA again I believe I will just not yet. No my partner says he’s not a full blown alcoholic because it never affects his work. But it definitely does and has affected our relationship many times. Surely that should be a warning sign.i believe deep down he does know. It’s just pride and fear of the unknown that makes him bury his head in the sand . We split up for a few months at the start of the year and when we reconciled at start of March things had been much better and communication greatly improved until recently. Maybe he has become complacent and forgotten how much he stands to lose. I dunno I need to think of me first but I feel so unwanted by him and he lies to himself. Yesterday he was feeling unwell (hungover) and we went for lunch. A while later he felt sick and blamed it on the tartare sauce with his lunch and I’m thinking no mate we both know it’s the probably 12 pints of beer you shovelled down your throat the night before but God forbid you would have to admit that !
Lol we have all blamed that dodgy dinner or kabab b4 !!! Yes it sounds like he isnt ready to admit it … i did 66 days on my own b4 i went to aa … and im so glad i stopped being stubborn on my own thinking i could recover by myself… i was a raging crack and heroin user … even though aa is for alcoholic its the same principle for drugs … getting a sponsor i can off load to who helps me understand what i deserve my life to be like is amazing… id really suggest you try a few different meetings and hopefully u will get extra support x
I will maybe try soon but I don’t drive and the only meeting local to me is the one I went to in October but I’m definitely not ruling it out thanks Natalie. You’re doing amazing. I’m just feeling really sad at the minute
Sending you lots of love x
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