I’m stuck in a cycle of binge drinking every Friday. I tell myself I won’t go out but the stuff makes me manic and gets me into precarious situations. I sleep all day Saturday and still so depressed I can’t get out of bed on Sunday, paranoid about what I said and did.
Last year I had my first manic episode and didn’t drink for nine months. I was hospitalized and I see a psych who knows about my habits.
Most days I don’t want to be social. 33 and good job. Work from home. I stopped going to this improv class because it was hard to care and now I’m hung over and look/feel like crap.
My family doesn’t know the extent of it except when I woke up in the hospital in December.
Yep I take 3 meds. I have severe PTSD from a horror show childhood and my one and only manic episode was a safety trigger gone berserk. For a while I was convinced I’m not bipolar but whatever it is seems to look the same.
I’ve always been an all or nothing drinker. Went from never drinking to partying every weekend in college and it never stopped. It’s the only time I feel much of anything. Most people drink to stop feeling. I never do.
So your drinking has just become habitual instead of a coping mechanism?
My suggestion would be to talk to your psych about your medication options, I recently switched to lithium with good results, maybe you need an adjustment? Also consider your therapist options, I think of all things I benefitted from therapy the most
Also take an option, instead of boozing on a Friday night consider other options, like maybe take a class, do a meet up thing. To find people with common interests minus drinking learn a new hobby etc
I was diagnosed years ago as bipolar. It’s a balancing act trying to get the meds straight.
I’m sure it’s connected to my drinking.
I’m 16 days back sober.
Ask your dr about naltrexone, I just started on it and I think it’s helping.
Good luck. We’re here for you!
I’ve tried the Sinclair method before. I drink right through it. Alcohol doesn’t make me as manic as it used to with the mood stabilizers but man, adding a 4th drug seems too much.
Ive had some pretty bad experiences trying to find the right mix of medications while drinking and drugging with several different illicit drugs. Always end up in bad situations, jails and hospitals were a common ground that made me realise i needed to get to the root of what really was going on with me. After several treatment centers and detoxes, rehabilitation im finding the balance with the right therapist and support systems. Learning how to manage and know when im not doing too well is key to my progress. Some days im doing fine then i can be completely off the wall, or floored, its just a pretty complicating thing to understand. So much easier to deal with being clean/sober for me. For so long i self medicated i was just in limbo figuring out how to manage the rollercoaster that was my life. I wish you the very best in your journey to sobriety. Just reach out if you ever are struggling with anything. Your not alone.
I just had a job interview for Office coordinator with a large psychiatric practice. It went really well and the called me back for a 2nd interview on Thursday.
The woman who interviewed me looked so much like my daughter! Maybe the universe is finally tilting my way.
I could sure use some prayers!
Thank you!! I know part of my drinking is out of boredom. Working will be such a welcome change. In the past I sabotaged work by drinking.
Now I’m on day 17 and feeling very hopeful and very grateful.
I’ll keep you posted my friend!
I was diagnosed with bipolar depression and PTSD from childhood trauma last year. I’ve had depression for as long as I can remember. Had a few breakdowns myself. The last 2 years as my drinking got worse, so did my ability to handle my emotions on top of all the medicine the doctors had prescribed me. I was a mess. Getting sober (even though today is only day 10) I can finally see a sliver of my brain trying to even itself back out. My emotions are still all over the place, I cry at the most random times, I laugh at weird moments, I find myself silent when I should be talking… it’s strange but I’m not trying to numb my emotions anymore and trying to process them to the best of my abilities.
Dealing with any mental disorder even without alcohol is hard, but alcohol only amplifies what your brain is thinking or trying to process.
Not sure if you would be interested but have you thought about an AA meeting? I know they are not for everyone but it couldn’t hurt to go to one on a Friday evening and just see if it could be A good fit for you?
I have Borderline Personality Disorder which has similar traits to Bipolar. It took a long time to diagnose, but once I understood, it made such a difference in my life. I knew that I was self medicating to avoid feeling the changes in my mood, especially the high to low, but my anxiety then got so bad that it ended up that I was drinking from morning to night as I needed alcohol to function. I would end up disassociating, and I’ve been found in really scary and suicidal situations. My children have witnessed me being taken away by cops or ambulance too many times
I’m actually very lucky to be alive.
One of my friend tells me I used to ‘go dark’ and she said it was scary. It scared me too in the end.
My therapist has been amazing and I’ve done some courses in DBT which have really helped in my recovery. I am now 90+ days sober and better than I’ve ever been in my life. I’m eating healthy, I’m exercising regularly, I have a great relationship with my kids again, and I can cope with what life is throwing at me.
Im really proud of you for coming on here and opening up. We are all here to support you on your journey to sobriety so reach out when ever you need us.
You’ve got this! 🛼
Thanks for replying. I drank Friday night and literally laid in bed all weekend, that wasn’t just a hangover. I cried a little bit. Today I am turning the corner and was really energetic, almost like a reverb, but my hypomania is often agitated. “Bipolar rage.” That’s me. I never get the euphoria and my grandiosity is self righteous and combative.
Bipolar depression is a good description of what I’ve got. Depression, then some trigger, then paranoid or irritable hypomania…
Yay! 90 days is great. I did nine months last year but figured I was fine. Nope. It’s messing with my mood worse than ever. If you ever feel like drinking again don’t lol. Holy moley.
I often wondered if I’m more borderline than bipolar. I’ve got bad abandonment issues, lots of abuse, but my moods swing hard within the span of a day. I did really have a manic episode last year though.
Theres a guys i like to watch on you tube who has some good videos, its called Polar Warriors maybe you can checkout his channel sometime see if any of them might help.
Yeah, it took ages for my psych to diagnose me as there are a lot of similarities with them both. My mood swings can fluctuate during the day, but normally I get a good period of happy, but if something trips me up I hit low very quickly with a lot of anxiety attached. Hence the drinking. I was taking Diazapam for a while when I stopped drinking for this reason but now I understand I try to sit with the feeling. It can last days.
I did seven months last year before my daughter almost drowned and I went back to drinking. It felt better at the time but quickly spiralled out of control. I feel like I’m on top of it now though.
Have a great day today
Hi, I have Bipolar2 Disorder. I was drinking daily till I would blackout. Today is day 322 of my sobriety. And as I look back on this past year. With my sobriety my bipolar meds can now work effectively. I haven’t had a hypomanic episode since I quit drinking. I am able to function better everyday. My depression is still not under control. But I am able to get out of bed and take a shower and sometimes leave the house. That is huge for me. I shudder at the thoughts of what my life was like three years ago. The risks I took. The money I waisted. The marriage I almost trashed.
I used to be ashamed to say, I have Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety, because those are mental health issues that need medication. Well I am also an Asthmatic that needs medication. And I have learned to be thankful for the science that created meds for both my lungs and my brain. I am thankful everyday that I don’t drink. That my meds work better and I am healthier and happier.
My son is bi polar and I pray every night they find a cure for it. He doesn’t talk to me much…expressing the feelings as you know is hard. My only wish for him is to try and find happiness.
That he seeks it for himself. I would lay down and die if he could be happy and I know that sounds cliche but really that’s all parents want for their children.
I know he hides a lot of stuff but I also know it’s 3x’s as hard for him to do/remember/want to do daily chores…wash dishes…hold a job. I know and understand but he still won’t talk about it.
Find your happiness….want it…stay with it…only you can. Don’t be afraid to be amazing
hope that your doing well today.
🛼
