In a good way!
Waking up sober means waking up earlier. It
means not constantly obsessing about getting to drinking time. Not using all of my brainspace and limited attention span to figure out when and where I’ll grab the day’s numbing poison. Not coming up with the blur of poor excuses I’ll tell myself and others so that I can go home and disappear into isolation. Not constantly rushing through the workday to get to the “real part of the day” - which of course consisted of nothing but losing hours upon hours just mindlessly drinking, hating myself, escaping that reality through tv (although of course barely actually watching), and passing out. Only to wake up and throw that tape on repeat.
Now, I’ve got a new tape playing. Every hour feels full of opportunity and possibility. Every hour is full of moments to be grateful for, and to remember. Every hour is full of an actual awareness of who I am, where I am, what I feel, and even thoughts and plans to help me continue to grow into who I want to be.
It feels like I’ve been gifted with the blessing of 120 hour days in order to make up for so many of the days I lost in active addiction. Just another reason to keep taking these sober days one grateful moment at a time.
Keep on keepin’ on!