This brought tears. I don’t know what it is but compassion gets me every time. Thank you. I am trying my best and I REALLY appreciate this place and all the courageous souls on here. Without y’all I would be sunk in a funk. Maybe I just needed a cry.
Thank you. 
11 Likes
I feel with you Emilie 
Sorry for your loss and the distance drinking brings between your hubby and you. I remember how lonely it is going to bed, distancing, because the other one is drunk. It hurts a lot. I admire you all who can live with it. I’m still sad I couldn’t anymore.
Sending you love and strength 
10 Likes
Our stories are so similar.
She supported my sobriety. And ya know, that first year maybe year and a half I was so busy working on me I didn’t care or notice too much of her drinking always around me. I mean I didn’t like it. But what could I do? And she quit drinking liquor. Then stuck to just wine. She lost her drinking buddy. And she never asked for my sobriety. That always made me feel sad and some other feelings I cannot pin point.
Fast forward…………my life became unmanageable 
unmanageable because of her drinking. And that’s when I finally sought help and got my ass in a seat. I wish I didn’t wait so long. At least after that memorable night (we won’t be going back to that restaurant) (EVER!) it was an easy decision to go back to Al-Anon. I was afraid to go. After all I had all the tools of AlAnon because of my 2 kids 
I thought I could handle it. 
Sorry I’m rambling but you never know who might be reading this and it could help someone. And besides my story just keeps getting better. I hope you have a great Saturday.
15 Likes
Thanks Dan. I needed to read and remember this for my wife.
So…….
I love her Friday October 13th sober date. It’s got a great ring to it. But it is not my sober date to protect. She says she’s planning on testing the waters next week. She wants to go out on her terms, when she goes out. It got pretty messy here in October. My heart sunk when she told me she’s going to have a glass or 2 of Chardonnay in a few nights.
I got my supports and sponsor and therapist and my kids in my corner. I reckon it’s in her and her higher powers hands. And thankfully it’s nothing I can control.
Thanks
11 Likes
Out like out for a drink or out like end of life? I’m sorry you have this looming.
Big hugs. Hope from here that she will end up being sober for good at some point in time. Hope(fully) it’s now.
4 Likes
She was so bad drunk wasted fucked up the first 12 days of October she broke down and told everyone she’s an alcoholic. It was pretty bad. She doesn’t want to stop drinking that way where she had no control. She got 7-10 days now. She doesn’t like counting days. But she wants to have 2 glasses of Chardonnay and then stop. Or continue trying to control it which she obviously cannot do.
We are going to an AA speaker meeting Friday night. Tomorrow. She said she’d wait until after that meeting to see if she’s going to have her glass or 2. Maybe it’s a last fling. Where she knows it’s her last. Maybe she will realize it’s no big deal and she’s not missing anything after all.
Yes, it’s unfortunate I have this hanging over my head. But it’s her recovery and I cannot do it or control it for her. If her plan turns into a disaster like the first 12 days this month she know I’m leaving and getting on the Gus Bus to Cali to see my family. I’d just go to a hotel here. But my friend said not to isolate. Go see family. If that’s what she wants to do. I’m willing to go to the airport and get out. I told her to make sure it’s on a day when we give Alice her fluids so I don’t have to be home for 3 days.
I’m just going to Step 3 it. It’s in gods hands and not a damn thing I can do about it but take care of my sanity.
15 Likes
Oh Jen, I wish I could reach through this phone and give you a big hug. You deserve happiness! You have done more than enough to offer him support and if he’s not willing to accept it, that’s on him, not you. That’s not fair for him to make you feel trapped and guilty with statements like he’s still here because of you (his mom and sister). That’s not only selfish, but a huge burden to put on someone else. I don’t have any advice but I know you’re a great person who deservers so much more than what you’re getting.
13 Likes
Ah shit. I’m sorry to read this Jen. That sucks.
I feel trapped too sometimes. But I’m learning I don’t have to live like this anymore. I’m fucking done being the victim.
My wife was doing the……I don’t want to live anymore but I don’t want to kill myself either. And why would anyone love me. It’s so fucking hard when they can’t, won’t, or whatever will not help themselves. I’m not taking this on anymore.
I got a fucking sponsor now. And he was explaining to me I got, we got, 3 outcomes.
We, me and my wife live a long slow addiction life with eventual death neither one of us getting better.
She becomes institutionalized, an accident, fall, break a leg. Bust her head open because she can’t walk and falls down. Bleeds out. Whatever.
Or recovery.
And I’m choosing recovery.
I hope she does too.
Fuck fuck fuck addiction.
I hear you my friend.
I feel you too.
It fucking sucks.
Big hugs to you Jen
13 Likes
B…ooooo…fucking…ooooooo…M!!!
Strong as fuck you are. Love it. 
11 Likes
6 Likes
OH my sweet friend - i am so very sorry and wish i could give you a hug. I agree with Lisa that you have been supportive and provided options for your husband but not much else you can do if he is unwilling to get help. Also agree that he is being selfish in stating that he would not be here if it weren’t for the three people in his life - that is a hell of a guilt trip and totally unfair to put so much on your shoulders.
I do know you deserve more and it would not be on you if something were to happen. You are amazing and have found the love in living life. I see you doing so well and i know there is so much more out there for you to explore and enjoy. You don’t need to live like this anymore - doesn’t matter if you are together or apart - you are in charge of your own happiness.
Much love for you my friend. I do hope you are able to do something fun for you tonight. Sending you a lot of happy energy 
3 Likes
Nothing fun tonight, still working but maybe a haunted house tomorrow and going to see C this weekend for sushi and a movie. The hubs is suppose to come and C is hoping it might help him out of his funk a bit
Thanks for the virtual hugs @Lisa07 and @Dazercat
9 Likes
haunted house and movie / sushi is exciting. i do hope you have a wonderful time 
for tonight – maybe binge on Suits if you haven’t finished yet. Watching Harvey Spector is a treat for me 
2 Likes
I totally stopped watching it in lue of the walking dead. I do plan to go back to it once I’m caught up. I’m in season 11 now. The last one on netflix
2 Likes
OH Girl – i totally get it especially in this season – i just finished season 11 last week – ENJOY!
2 Likes
I’m peeking in, not knowing what to say . It’s tough shit,this being sober, knowing the freedom it brings, the better life we can live, and then having a spouse who is suffering so…
I can’t even talk to my husband about my concerns. I keep quiet, I distance myself, I try not to judge, but he’s not getting help. He’s not getting better. I have to believe he knows deep inside he has a problem, but I can’t go anywhere near discussing it with him. Walking a tightrope. It’s exhausting.
15 Likes
Can’t talk to my wife about it either. But I can take care of myself. And I can stop enabling her. Which I thought I was pretty good at. Apparently I got so much more to learn about enabling.
I’m glad you shared. It helps to know we are not alone.
It is exhausting. I’ve learned to get off that tightrope.
And it’s painful to watch.
And it hurts.
13 Likes
Hi all, I am on day 13 of my sobriety. I am feeling strong. I do OK when alcohol is not around, but my husband is also an alcoholic and has yet to admit it. So I was doing well through the nights that he decided not to drink(he says he is only going to drink on Saturday and Sunday nights) well Wednesday night, he got his Tito’s out and proceed to get hammered. I was so afraid I would cave, but you know what? I didn’t even want any. So proud of myself, but I don’t know if I can sustain it as long as he drinks “only on Sat-Sun”
12 Likes
I am in the exact same boat Patty. I feel your pain. When I try to talk to my husband about it he get s beligerant and dismisses my concerns. On top of being a drunk, he is also a diabetic. He has been told many times by many doctors that he shouldn’t drink, but one quack doctor he saw 15 years ago told him it is OK, so that is what he goes with.
7 Likes
Welcome Kim.
My wife’s drinking didn’t bother me too much my first year + of sobriety. I was so focused on my recovery and what I had to do to stay sober I didn’t think about her too much. Ya it sucked she was drinking Mexican Martinis in the house and I stayed away from it and her. It made me even prouder that I was able to not drink.
I soon realized if I’m focusing on her drinking. I was not focused on my recovery.
Have a good read around on this thread if and when you’re willing.
I’m sorry for your circumstances but glad you’re here. You’re not alone.
8 Likes