I am so in need of some support right now. I am 4 Days sober. I live two minutes away from the gas station and want to go get some alcohol having an agrument with my husband. See… He stop drinking Hard alcohol a little a month ago. Seeing his motivation and success of staying sober i had chosen to quick drinking Beer. He stopped on his own with just my support. When i stopped 4 days ago he has yet to acknowledge my sobriety nor my effort. I choose to attend AA meetings (which i have done two so far) and he doesnt support it or me attending. I can completely understand why he may feel that way and he may have that strength to do so. But meetings help me. He says he is to busy to take me and he does not like my long friend of 20yrs who has been the only person supporting my sobriety by taking me to my meetings and she stays with me at my meetings. We have been in a silent episode for almost more then half of my 4 days of sobriety and it is DRIVING ME INSANE. He is my husband and best friend of 10 years who i talked to everyday about everything. I feel as or sobriety is breaking us apart. But really after 10 years?? What should i do?
Wow that’s tough. I’m sorry he’s not supporting you but don’t let him stop you from going to meetings. You need to be selfish and focus on your own recovery right now.
I’ve had my ups and downs with my husband over the past 4 months. One day he suports me and the next day he’s throwing everything in my face. Mine has addiction issues too and he reminds me how he was able to get sober on his own while I had to go to detox, like it’s a competition or he’s better than me.
I find distancing myself a little has helped. I’m taking my dog for lots of walks just to get away. Hang in there, it will get better when he sees how much you’re changing for the better.
I am so sorry to hear that Jocelyn I can hear your pain and loss and hurt. I’m so sorry about that.
In my recovery group recently we had a guest speaker from a parallel group that serves spouses and intimate partners of members of our group. It functions sort of like an Al-Anon group, where partners can share their pain, their experience, their worries about recovery. Recovery is really both of us. The trauma exists in both of us.
I don’t know much about recovery support for spouses. I do know how much pain and trauma many of the others in my group have learned their partners went through, and how it came out in hurtful language and behaviour. (Our recovery can be bewildering for our spouses: we are climbing out of the hole; they’re still stuck in it.)
Keep going to your meetings. Don’t stop. For your husband, keep in mind that his journey is his to travel, but at the same time, I understand how deeply you want to connect with him again. Do you have any mutual friends you can speak to? Anyone in the community that could be a third party here, and step in to listen, and support?
Wow, that’s tough so early in your sobriety. Something in your journey seems to be shutting him down. Maybe he feels inadequate In his sobriety efforts and he is shutting down to you. You do what is best for you and I hope you can reconnect soon.
Be patient, and be kind. Good job on 4 days. Make it 5. Keep going to meetings. Keep moving forward.
Drinking won’t change the situation. Only you can change you. You’ve decided to be better. Keep getting better at getting better.
I recently endured 5 days of silent treatment from my significant other and couldn’t take anymore of it so just talked almost at her, not unpleasantly, but I opened up about my situation.
It has to stop.
My main question was “where do you see the silence ending?”.
Of course there’s no answer and it’s not fair being on the receiving end.
It’s both childish and hurtful.
Don’t fall back to a drink thinking that’s the only way to handle it, it isn’t.
I might have usually but in this case I was determined as hell to not go down that road this time.
I’m not exactly getting tremendous support from anyone, it’s all off my own back and once you have that load sat comfortably on your own back, it gets easier to carry. In fact, as days go by, it gets lighter bit by bit.
@Yoda-Stevie… This reminds me of a really hard hitting message I’d seen somewhere. It said, “NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES” !!
@Ms.Jay you have to focus on you and your sobriety. If meetings help then you MUST carry on going. One day at a time and we can all keep moving forward in sobriety. Your hubby sounds like he is struggling with seeing you do so well. Give it time, I’m sure that will all be ok.
Your sobriety journey just keep going to meetings if you want to , stand your ground wish you well , and if you want ill come over kick his ass lol