Ashamed my parents know how bad I got

[Hi-dee]

So my parents stop buy for a visit and I wasn’t planning on telling them anything about my recovery I was planning on keeping things on the DL and if they were to ever offer a drink I was just going to refuse and that be it.

Unfortunately my mom needed help with some computers stuff and saw this site when she opened my labtop. I didn’t say anything, I just exited out and helpped her with her stuff. She then sees my alcohol recovery workbook later on in my room so I felt obligated to say something.

I am ashamed they know that I got this bad that I needed help. My parents are incredibly strong people with already dealing with a death of a child and raising us with little money yet they have always stand strong and are still deeply in love 37 years together. I have always strived to be the child they didn’t have to worry about even though I knew they worried about the alcoholic me but this is when I was in denial about my control. Now that I have admitted to not having control I didnt want them to know. I’ve told my sisters and friends but these are my parents. I couldn’t tell them that my partner had moved out because of my drinking im not ready for that, that I’ve completely destroyed everything I had worked for and was basically restarting with a two year old in the city. I never imagine admitting anything to them. I just said I was in recovery and that was it.

My mom said she was proud of me and gave me a hug, my dad said I was doing a really good job and that it’s great!. But yet I sit here on the couch eating my weight in chocolate… trying to deal with the emontions that I feel like a failure for having to get better. I shouldn’t need to get better because I shouldn’t have a problem. But I do …,…

[anon79808082]

You mean you’re not perfect?? Hun, everyone needs help at some time and asking or finding help is a brave and intelligent move. It’s just life and we do whatever it takes to make it through as a healthy, happy human! the 3 H’s, lol.

[Ravikamor]

Baby girl you sound like an EXTREMELY strong person. Your parents hugged you-you are eating chocolate… Not emotionally drinking right now… You sound like a fab single parent… Stop me when I should be getting to the point of the disappointment because I can keep going on with the good stuff​:heart: Because you weren’t prepared for them to find out doesn’t mean it’s any less of a sign of your hard work. And it sounds like your strong parents raised a strong woman and they are confident in that. I just told my mom yesterday (and I’m almost 50!). I was expecting some kind of hoopla… She said, “okay.” Hm okay LoL Sobriety can throw us some surprises for sure. Don’t be too hard on yourself

[Hi-dee]

Thank you both for your kind words and support. I know I can do this I just never imagined step one being this hard.

[Tess]

Funny thing about alcohol, when we’re using we’re usually too obsessed with our addiction to have shame. Then, once we’re on the sober path and should be feeling proud, the shame arrives.
Addicts tend to be very good at beating themselves up emotionally. Try not to indulge in that mindset. You are not a failure. Far from it! You have a serious problem and you’re tackling it head on instead of ignoring it, and that’s something to be proud of.

[anon12657779]

I remember that. I remember that my dad was proud of me. Even though I felt so ashamed, scared and found it hard to get past the part where I sent him texts blaming him for all sorts of stuff. ( He had an affair when I was 17 and left my mum)
What you have to realise is that you have chosen the hard path, doing something about your drinking. As @Tess says, it’s so much easier not to and that’s what makes you a strong person. It’s always difficult to admit to things like this because it’s admitting that we aren’t perfect, well welcome to the real world.
I say well done for getting this out in the open, you now have added two more people to your support network. People who care about you.
Don’t spend too long in the self pity mode. Eat your chocolate, mourn the loss of your childhood and then bounce back tomorrow, with renewed vigour and your goal firmly set.
You know it’s going to be ok.

[Blondie1x]

I agree totally with all of the folks above! You are not a failure, your parents will of known you had issues with the booze and would of been worried to some extent. I bet they were so relieved. They said they are proud of you and as Geoff said they are now two more prominent people in your recovery network. It takes real strength to voice our problems. You are doing great! I wish my mum was here for me to tell, oh how I know she worried …bless her. I have since realised that alcohol has been a problem in my mums family for quite sometime, generations in fact . It takes courage to break that family cycle and be that person that admits enough is enough. I think you are awesome! Keep going one day at a time, together we will beat this demon (addiction)

[Hi-dee]

Thank you everyone I feel alot better I did a cleansing bath and listened to my meditation tapes before bed. Today is a brand new day!!!