At a halfway house. 51 days sober. Missing my family

Hey all. Im going through some pain tonight as im reflecting. After a long drinking binge, catching a charge, putting my gf and family through hell…again, losing a great job and losing temporary custody of my daughter. I was out of options. Enough was enough. I Chose to come stay at lighthouse recovery home and its been really good for me. Ive found another really good job. Got lots of support. A good sponser. Just seen my kid and gf and they miss me being home like crazy. The court was gracious and granted temp custody to my gf and shes been doing it all on her own. I miss my home and fam. Feel guilty for having to be away getting to fix and work on me while they struggle is hard. Annyones insight would be nice thanks all

12 Likes

I lost custody of my kids. Got one back but not both. It’s hard to deal with but not impossible. Either way being sober is helpful.

@CaptAZ can also likely share good wisdom.

5 Likes

Thanks for sharing with me. Its def tough. Being sober is for sure helping. Im totally new to this app so im learning how it all works

4 Likes

Welcome! Let us know if you have any questions. I have been sober going on 900 days and the improvements in my life are so abundant that it is hard to list out.

Group living is hard. I lived in a transitional living facility for 5 months earlier this year. Talk about driving you bonkers. It’s a means to an end though. It’s a brave thing you’re doing.

5 Likes

:grin: it sure is different. But something i think i needed. An ice bucket challenge for the soul lol

5 Likes

Honestly, if you didn’t do this where would you be? I know the lonelyness has to really suck. But you have been given a second chance and if you stay with it, they never have to see you like that again. That is a real gift.

5 Likes

Very true. Thanks goat

1 Like

Hey man, welcome to the forum.

You got 51 days now, and it’s thanks to being at the house and focusing on you right? You ever get to 51 days out there? Without the structured support of the house?

I can understand feeling guilty, you’re human. How much good will you be to them if you leave too early, don’t have solid sober foundation to stand on and sink the ship again?

I was a good abusive drunk, I wasn’t very good at handling anger. Wife and I would drink, provocations would fly from both of us and next thing you know fists are flying. I was arrested, that got us onto DCS radar. Our last dust up, my mom came and took our kids and the wife to her place so they could be safe. Well kids were looked after at my brothers and they called DCS again. Our kids were placed into foster care, I was taken to a mental health/detox facility and the journey began. Court, doing the ordered IOPs, doing the random drug tests, doing the 2 hour visits once a week with our kids, the classes on parenting, individual and couples therapy. All the hoops.

At first the guilt and shame were a boiling pot, and I was angry angry person. About 45 days in, my attitude changed, thanks to AA, IOP, drying out, therapy… all the things they had me do.

Soon we got 4 hour visits with our kids. And IOP was dropped for me, still went to AA daily. We were invited over to watch fireworks on 4th of July with one of the foster families. Life was turning around, but it still felt slow.

We got our kids on overnight visits, still did AA, still did the parenting classes, still did the therapy.

Eventually our kids were returned to our care and our case was dismissed. Still go to AA now, 536 days later.

Point if my story, I continued to do the things they laid out for me, I was frustrated about my kids being in foster care, and that changed to gratitude, because lord knows if I could have made it, stayed sober, attended all my meetings while having to provide and care for my kids on top of learning how to be sober.

I took the gift, begrudgingly at first but as time wore on I could see nothing but the benefit. I stopped thinking so short term and saw the long term positives of doing it the hard way.

Your girl and kid are struggling, but they will make. Focus on you now. The short term wants will not outweigh the long term benefits of staying where you are and getting yourself solidly sober.

Have faith, and keep trudging.

18 Likes

Wow you just spoke to my soul my friend. Thank you so much for the words of compassion and wisdom. you got some amazing time there. Def going to sleep better tonight. I have a feeling we will talk again. Keep on keepin on

4 Likes

You are practicing self care. You need to fix you before anything else is possible. It’s like putting on your oxygen mask before being able to help others when flying.

You got this! Keep it up

4 Likes

:muscle::+1:thanks everyone for your compassion

4 Likes

Doing great buddy just start loving yourself best wishes from Bonnie Scotland wish you well

2 Likes

No insight just wanting to send you positive thoughts, patience and strength :sparkles:

2 Likes

Thank you!!

2 Likes

Hey man, how’s it going today?