I have been on my sobriety journey for about 40ish days. I have had a few days where I’ve had a couple drinks but fortunately they were by any means binges. I find myself wanting to find new friends and activities however… heres the kicker… I am highly socially awkward,always have been even before drinking, Hence the trigger for drinking.
Next,I haven’t really told anyone I am on this journey I’ve just avoided most situations where I may be tempted because I fear if I am out and do cave that people will criticize me and make me feel guilty for wanting to feel normal even if I have tamed my drinking dramatically.
And lastly,even with the social awkwardness, and the closet mission to sobriety most days I am so fatigued I can barely move, if people call I dont have the concentration levels to even pay attention to what they are saying over the phone (I’m much better when I can see ppl) so I avoid phone conversations.
My journey has been so hard,the first 2 weeks I had a lot of energy was doing things I haven’t in a long time,it has severely gone down hill from there, with the loneliness,depression, fatigue, binge eating… I’m at a loss.
Here’s the hard truth, you are exactly where you should be. I see a huge blessing in this post. Most of us are absolutely miserable during our first 2 weeks.
The hard part about these up and downs is the comparison. “I felt so good last week…”. It’s so frustrating! But you are going to go through it. Throw a pandemic on top? Yeah, no. Just no.
My advice? Find a program to work. There are a bunch ready made for you, all accessible through the internet these days. Or you can create your own. That’s kinda what I did, although I had the benefit of being told where to go and what do in the early days. But no matter which way you go, get a program. It helps tremendously! Also, research and read about early recovery. That’s how I accidentally pieced my program together.
Also, be gentle with yourself and throw expectations out the damn window. Create a routine, something that starts out simple. Expectations are a huge reason people relapse, routine is a good way to combat this.
I have soooo much respect for all of you who are fighting for early recovery in this weird, crazy time. You all are true warriors!
I’ve thought about a program but I would like to go to one on person once they open back up. I may need to try one online may help me ease the social anxiety. Thanks so much for the encouragement. I’m glad to know I’m not totally off track with all this. Definitely confusing feeling worse during this time than the first couple weeks.
Hang in there Angie. I’ve done a zoom chat with a few on here the last 2 saturday mornings. It’s more social than anything. Not a formal recovery meeting. Just getting to know people. Its Saturday’s at 10am eastern. It might help you with some socializing qtva safe distance. I’m rooting for you - it will get better.
Thanks so much! I appreciate the info!!
Have you done any reading about addiction or sobriety? Theres some good books out there to help ease your journey while we are all locked away. @SassyRocks has a good list somewhere.
Here is a good thread on recovery related books, many are memoirs that I have read, but also others lists…
I haven’t read any books but I have been looking online and all of it seems to be the same and basically says I should be passed most symptoms, so I kind of question if it’s actually alcohol related or of something else is wrong. I have no insurance so I’ll try out some books. Thanks for the suggestion!
You can always join zoom meetings and turn your camera and mic off and just listen. That’s what I did because eff people anyway. I’m on like day 55 so I feel you. Early recovery is hell during a pandemic quarantine. Thanks, God!
The physical detox, yes, you are over that. Now it’s about the changing of brain chemistry and the mental war of starting over in life. Creating new routines and habits is very jarring, which leads to the type of symptoms you are describing.
The reason the books are great, especially memoirs, is because they talk about the post acute time period as well, and how it impacts your life.