Yes we did for the first 12 years of my daughter’s life. What I found helpful was giving myself lots of extra time, always, so that I didn’t feel rushed and I could give her as much space and time as she needed. She still at 16 needs a lot (sometimes weeks ahead) of preparing in her mind for events that are not our usual schedule. She likes to know all the details. Using visuals with her was very helpful. Picture books showing similar outings to what we would be doing. Leaving her under tables or behind curtains so that she could decompress, not trying to drag her out and handle her. Keeping my hands to myself when she was emotionally charged was really hard but an important lesson I learned. Offering her a finger to hold instead of trying to touch her. (We still link fingers when she is crying) Creating boundaries with her and she with me; she was a bolter so the boundaries we created were I would not come near her but she needed to stay somewhere in clear view of me. As she got older we started communicating via a notebook, and now we have our serious conversations over text.
Weighted blankets and vests did not work for her, she got very claustrophobic. Lots of tactile fidgits, headphones for restaurants and pencils and paper to draw.
These are a few of the things that come to mind that I learned worked for her. My daughter has taught herself, over time, to self-regulate . Sometimes I can’t even believe she is the same child.
I never did ABA with her, it just wasn’t the route I wanted to go. She did a lot of OT, speech therapy and just 1-on-1. She still sees a psychiatrist twice a month who specializes in children on the spectrum.
Oh gosh, your daughter sounds very similar to mine. My daughter is 18 now and was diagnosed as ‘high functioning’ when she was 7. She was re diagnosed 2 years ago as we applied and were approved for support funding. Under the new definition, she is level 2 ASD.
She loves fidget spinners and those rings you can wear on your fingers that spin around.
Also headphones (she pretends she’s listening to music) when in public and we also communicate the big stuff via text messages. I used to slide notes under her door and she would slide her responses back to me. She has alot of trouble verbalising her thoughts and emotions but expresses them beautiful through writing.
Miss 18 graduated from high school last year, something I’m so amazed by and proud of us both!
It took changing schools (one that focuses on individual learning and acceptance and support of kids who struggle in the traditional ‘mainstream’ schools), a flexible learning plan and amazing teaching staff to help get her across the line but she did it!
As for meltdowns, I never thought they would be outgrown but as she has gotten older she has been able to get more in tune with her emotions and regulating them. I look back and wonder how the heck we survived those earlier days!!?! She is even starting to show empathy towards others, and also remorse when she realises she has been in the wrong, not something that ever happened in the past. Eye contact is still a huge challenge for her, I wish there was alot more understanding and awareness around it because I sometimes I see people and know they think she’s become disengaged or just being rude but she isn’t at all
My girl is a beautiful, quirky and creative soul, I love how she has opened my eyes to viewing the world in a completely different way
Hey guys I just wanted to tell you a story and how life can be unfair. And, fuck lawyers.
So my ex was with my autistic son at a popular chicken restaurant that was under construction and was ordering food for the family. All of a sudden he heard a big crash and saw my son on the floor underneath a heavy glass exterior door that had been leaning against the wall during the construction.
My ex was obviously panicked and tried to stand my son up but he wouldn’t weight bear. Acting on instinct he grabbed my son and ran to the car then straight to Emerg.
Luckily (and I say this because he could easily have been killed), he just had a shattered femur that required surgery. Thank God no head injury. He was in a wheelchair for a couple months.
So it’s been a couple years and it’s in the courts. It’s Canada, so not going for a huge pay What gets me is now the lawyers for the restaurant (huge corporation) want my son’s school records to try to blame his autism for the accident. They also want Children’s Aid records (we were involved with them due to my drug use), I guess to try and prove my ex was a negligent parent.
Yes school was not good at all for my daughter in elementary. Up until grade 5 she was only going 1/2 days and I was still needing to come midway to give her a “brain-break”. She had a very structured Individual Edication Plan for all of those years. Grade 6 she needed to change schools and refused homeschooling her only other option was to go into a massive middle school. She did quite well and managed full days there for that year. That was actually the turning point for her and I belive it had something to do with her hormones. Grade 7 and 8 she managed in school and her IEP was not as rigid. Then COVID hit and she started homeschooling and we never stopped. She thrives in the home environment which I always knew she would but she just wanted to be like all the other kids when she was little. Now she knows better and her mental health and comfort comes first. Her IEP this year (Gr 10) has gotten pretty rigid again mostly because of the work load. The school has been very open to cutting back the amount of assignments for her and it is working quite well. The only thing I am struggling with is getting her to fulfill her 100 hrs of physical activity for PE. Hahahah she is NOT an active child. And after the mental exertion from school she has no energy to do anything. Anyways we are working it out.
I believe when my daughter turns 18 we will need to be reassessed ( which I find so WEIRD!!!) But it will be needed to continue to get disability as she goes through her adult years.
It is interesting that you mention empathy, I have always felt that from my girl. She has always protected the under dog, taken care of sick animals, made sure I was ok. The skill I am noticing the most growth with in our house is probably her social skills in the last couple of years since she has been home. She has built quite a large online friend group that she hangs out with ALL the time and draws with online, plays games with listens to tunes with. It’s great…
Hey Kat I’m so thankful your son wasn’t hurt any worse than he was. But still, a shattered femur is awful. Dealing with attorneys is no fun, and having a case drag out for years is par for the course in these situations. I’m glad you shared, and I’m hoping it all works out for the best.
Yes I think that it could be approached a little different to what it was when Sasha was little. I am a part of an Autism network where there are a lot of adults with autism who had first hand experience with ABA that wasnt good.
Maybe after people started coming forward about it their methods were adjusted. Also like any therapist, the actual therapist makes a huge difference. I am happy to hear your chicklet has an amazing one.
I’ve heard from her OT therapist that it’s much more tailored to the individual than it was before. And the ABA therapist is so great. She’s young and energetic, and she does my granddaughter’s therapy at home twice weekly. Since most of her behavior episodes happen at home, the therapist encourages my son and DIL to go about their normal activities during the 3-hour long therapy. It’s really helped with her behavior towards the 2 year old. She has shown violence towards her little sister several times… violent behavior that could hurt her or worse. I think we’re really fortunate with all the therapists we have. We’re in a little rural mountain town, but they are so wonderful and truly love their little clients.
I can really understand this( I will use the word )“fear” ( because at the time it was what I felt ) about being in a district that had much less support. Moving from the mainland where it was only a 30 min drive to Vancouver where all the top notched specialists were at my fingertips to an ISLAND where was can not even get GP has been scary. I am still trying to find Sasha a pediatrician here 4 years after moving. This would not have been the case when she was little as we were at hosptial emergencies so often. Still it is maddening that things need to get to emergent levels for a child to be seen.
Wow, how have i only just come across this thread after 81 days on here!!!
I recognise some people, however for those i havent come across yet… H!
I’m Richard, 39 from Yorkshire in the UK. I have Asperger Syndrome…I am also father to 17 year old boy / girl twins and an 11 yr old son who are also blessed with this gift.
I love how this condition gives me super-powers, the identic memory, the ability to shut out emotion, to retain boat loads of information and to hyperfocus on what i need to.
I have read a few posts and i promise i will read them all and add what i feel i can offer value to, from both a personal and parental perspective if anyone needs anything i am here for you all, i’m only ever a message away!!
I find this sums up the worlds perspective on Asperger Syndrome……it’s how I feel every day!
You should have done, It is a gift, it is a blessing and I love it. I know how hard the struggles are, however this condition is what makes me unique in the world and i intend to use my experiences to inspire those who see it as a curse to embrace it and to help those struggling to understand. It was just as difficult raising my children even when i understood the reasons behind the ways they did things etc, however as much as i understood it i still struggled as i couldnt see part of it because of how it affects me. It is something i have leared to change with throughout my parenthood.
If you feel i can add value to the private group please feel free to add me!
This is perfect. I have an 18 year old ‘high functioning’ autistic son. He is the brightest and funniest person I have ever known, he makes me laugh with his honest and dry sense of honour and view of the world every single day. He needs quite a bit of help with reminders to eat, shower, all the day to day stuff. But I feel so blessed to have my son in my life, he is such a blessing. It can be difficult at times watching him navigate the world from his point of view, and I can see he is slowly becoming more detached socially. But he is happy, and I love him so much.
People call it a disability. I call it a special ability
I am so glad I found this. I have a 14 year old daughter who I am pretty positive is autistic. I think she has Asperger’s but she has not been diagnosed yet. I am working on trying to set up an appointment with her pediatrician to see how to go about getting her tested. She has always been a difficult child from the time she turned 2 and on. At first the doctor thought she had a defiance disorder but now as she has gotten older she is now showing signs of being autistic. Taking care of a special needs child is definitely hard and I am glad I found this thread.
I’m so thankful your son wasn’t hurt any worse than he was. But still, a shattered femur is awful. 
Dealing with attorneys is no fun, and having a case drag out for years is par for the course in these situations. I’m glad you shared, and I’m hoping it all works out for the best. 
Just popping in with a little meme I found yesterday. I hope it helps someone to understand a little better. 
Keep us updated! I’m glad you found the group.