Guys I was reading my posts from 4 years ago I didnt even remember I had. Not going to lie it hurts a bit seeing I was so bad and I was trying so hard to get out.
Now im wayyy better. Im stable and all good thank god but I still relapse time to time. Its strange. Ill go clean weeks or months and i relapse slowly on a weekend then every weekend. Idk. I wish I could cut this off. After so many issues and me doing so well. Why still dealing with the shadows of my past?
Hope everyone is doing good!
Welcome back friend. Great to see you doing better in your journey.
This is how the addiction keeps its hold on you. What are you doing for your support system? For me I had to change up my routines and find ways to keep myself busy so that I didn’t cave when the urges hit.
Stay connected here - you will find a lot of support and help with your day to day. Stay strong friend. 
Well if you’re serious about staying stopped I think you should start going to recovery meetings and work with other folks who are also in recovery and figure out what it is that is causing you to relapse.
have you tried na meetings?
also welcome back @DominiqueJC glad to see you here 
you’re amongst friends we look forward to hearing back from you
don’t give up
Were I live its not common to have a support system but there is a AA I found out about recently close by.
I think ill join Saturdays. Those are the hard days
Thanks for the good wishes!
Hey! Thank you so much.
Im trying to get support online since were I live support groups are the around. The thing is I had started off fresh from point cero and that helped me but that means ive been alone and no social interaction. Just parents most weekends and I try to hit the gym.
Do you know of any virtual meetings by any chance??
@DominiqueJC GLAD you asked
Welcome back. It’s great you are doing better, but even greater that you are trying extra things (logging back on here, meetings) to try to get 100 sober.
Well, it seems as though you see your internal.
That is a start to forwardness and letting go.
Either or, welcome back!
The relapse is planned isn’t it? You know days in advance? That’s how it is for me. Recognize when the beast is lurking and cut it off at the pass.
Thank you so much. Ive been really tired of the same habits. Gets me mad that I end up relapsing just because im bored and alone. I need to find things to do on weekends.
I heard one time that the relapse happens mentally before even consuming anything. That usually helps a lot but then are times that I just dont care and relapse. I need to find a good motivation in general to stay strong
The amount of weeks and months ive actually taken to look inside and try to do inner work. Ive changed so much for the best but i feel im still going in circles and that its the last stretch. Feeling like these are the last times. They way I feel after these last relapses is just different.
Thanks for the reply!!
So, you put your healing on your ownself?
Or have you gone out and sought help?
All on my own. Ive healed and had to deal with myself through the whole process. Ive reached out sometimes to psychologist but they say ive done an amazing job and to keep up the work but I feel I can be better and not healed 100% idk maybe im being to hard on myself
Well yes.
Think about it, you’re trying to heal what is broken with what is broken.
And, layer that with desperation mode in the *feeling like these are the last times.
On the other side of the last times is going towards complete hopelessness.
Maybe you have done an amazing job, but lets be real for a second. No matter if a person went 90 days or 10,000 days no one is going to be 100% healed.
Nobody.
This is all an attempt at being perfect, and no human can accomplish that.
You are being to hard on yourself.
It’s very hard when a person feels desperate, but also wants to achieve something impossible.
But, I do understand you. I had these feelings before getting sober, and it stayed with me until i let go of a few things.
However, that leads a different line of a story.
But, yeah, work on trying not to over come your past with being absolutly perfect. It just wont work. Its not sustainable.
One day at a time, just staying away from drinking. Keep it simple, but the simplest things at first are the hardest.
[I will be 5 years sober in November for reference]
I really appreciate the message. Deff needed to hear this. Like you say I shouldn’t be trying to achieve something impossible because ill be stuck in a loop of hopelessness and deception.
I cant try to be a better me on a daily and take it a day at a time. I’ve improved so so so much and for some reason im being too harsh on myself. Taking it one extreme to another. Ill just let time show me the way and answers.
Yeah, its what I noticed in your writings.
Get out, get connected to those who are sober, go to AA meetings, see a counselor if you can.
Reach out here when it gets tough.
Its hard, but it’ll get easier then youll see the joys of sobriety. Patients is a virtue.