Back Again Need Advice

Hi I just really need some help and advice right now I have no one I have 17 days clean off heroin and my boyfriend supposedly did too but I found out he’s been using the past 5 days again Im back living at my parents house I got clean totally on my own it’s still hell Im weak and can’t sleep and now Im feeling so angry Im so hurt and upset and Im home alone tonight just crushed my anxiety is through the roof any advice would help thank you

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Sorry to hear you’re going through such a tough time. Well done on your 17 days. That’s fantastic! The focus right now has to be you and getting yourself better without worrying about someone else’s addiction. If you want to stay clean then you’ve got some big decisions to make about your bf as it will be hard to keep making progress if he’s using and you’re around him. Stay strong and keep checking in.

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Thank you so much I just want to be able to relax and calm down and stop crying its tough I feel so inadequate and notenough for him to stop.

I’m sure you know that he has to decide to stop you cannot make him the only person whose sobriety you can control is your own, although that doesn’t make it any easier. Try to focus on caring for yourself and building a sober community. I can imagine it is very difficult right now but you’re life is worth it to do everything you can to keep yourself clean. Maybe a meeting would help as you can get support and talk to others in person who have been where you are and start to build a community :heart:

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Think about what you’re saying and maybe try and reframe it? Addiction isn’t about another person it’s about the addict and their problems. It makes us selfish and self centred. My DOC is alcohol but it’s the same principle. I couldn’t stop for anyone, it didn’t matter how much I loved them even though I couldn’t bare the thought of losing them. It was only when I decided to quit for me that I was able to start getting better. Hopefully you stopped using for yourself and he needs to do them same. Like I said earlier it’s you and you’re recovery that’s the most important.

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Congratulations on your 17 days. That is major. :heartpulse: I know it is really hard, but we need to stay focused on our selves and our own sobriety / being clean. Only YOU can get yourself clean and only HE can work on himself. It is unfortunate he is back at it, but that is HIS issue, not yours.

Don’t let his issue become yours.

Be proud of what you are doing. Be proud of your strength. Hit a meeting maybe? Might help to find some irl community.

Hugs and strength.

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Thank you all for the kind words Ive never been to a meeting and Im a little scared drugs have been my life so long I feel akward and don’t know how to be me so Idk Im nervous I appreciate everyone here thank you for doing! :heart::heart::heart:

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I know it is hard to believe, but almost everyone feels that same way. :heart:

Just know to never go back or believe that hes clean its usually a lie!. I seperated from my ex for 6 months b4 seeing her again. She kept claiming she was clean too. Eventually i went thru her makeup bag and found her dope and needles. I instantly wanted to flush it but i didnt. I just layed it out on a table quietly not saying a word as she slept in. When she woke up i didnt even have to say a word. I made it known i knew she was lying. Just stay focused on yourself and get your life together. Your still detoxing and wding quite a bit still. Depression is very heavy the first month but it does get better and less frequent…

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Did you stay with her? Yes, we’re not living together right now either haven’t seen him this entire time he admitted he used for 5 days and he’s back on day 2 now I sent his clean friend over there today to talk to him. Hope long does all this stuff last for? I have no desire to leave the house yet I’m so bored and yet so tired it’s so frustrating!

Thank you I feel it’s just me lol

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A month and u should start feel well enough to go out. For 2 weeks i didnt see past my room or the bathroom… No we are no longer together. I have no desire to talk to her. I moved on with my life to be single while shes still struggling… I dont care anymore if she gets clean or not . Ive pulled myself away and eventually it made it easier then i thought it would be to leave forever. I seen her again at christmas and told her im not intrested to date anymore as she proceeded to tell me shes going to rehab…idc…it wasnt what she wanted to hear but im honest and will not play games…

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Yeah exactly today is day 18 and I’ve gone outside of the house 3 times since i spend most days laying on ther couch or in bed honestly i think ive watched everything on tv slim pickins now! Wow good for you I still want him clean and to do it the trust is just so damaged its hard to know what to believe and what not to! How much clean time do you have now?

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Yeah thats kinda why i gave up. I wanted to see her get clean for her daughter. I step up n visit her daughter and just me. I try when i can on holidays to see her still… Im not her biological father but i raised her since she was born while still in addiction. I still do that because i felt bad i got her mother hooked on this shyt and ruined her college degree ,job,car,and life. Ive slowly been pulling myself away to hopefully n eventually have a child of my own. Tomorrow i will have 450 days clean. I remember you from when i was detoxing a year ago… Hopefully u can pull urself away from getting him clean. Hes gotta do it himself and take action and prove himself. The lies never stop with her. She cant fool me. i was as hardcore as u could get on dope. She lies and i feel she tries to ride my sober wave and i can see right thru it now that dope isnt impairing my thinking now. Mentally im so much stonger now…

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Oh man that sounds so tough having kids involved, I don’t have kids and neither does he and Im glad cause it scares me how sick we both are. That’s really nice of you to still be there for the daughter much respect! Yes I remember you too, wow congrats on all your time that’s awesome I remember you too, was this your first attempt to get clean what pushed you so hard to do it? Im really happy for you I hope I can say that one day. I hope to be mentally strong.

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Not my first time trying. I tried thousands of times on my own and been thru court ordered drug programs and failed. This last time i had finally had enough. Even when i jumpped off my fast sub taper i stuck to not buying anymore. I checked in here alot as this forum was a blessing. As i read and remembered things from my last drug program and actually applied myself. Sad or not after kicking all my user friends to the curb i had no one left but this forum for friends. I hope you make some friends along the way too and stay a while and contribute. I know what ur going thru is hard but ur thru the grunt of it almost. you can do this…i just like u i wished i had someone elses big numbers of days sober and now im proud to have raked up my own. My life has done a full turn around. I went from no car, no license, broke and i focused and now have all that and more. Im now my own boss running my own mini mobile mechanic business and have been doing amazing! I never thought id be where i am today. Thats just my success story now you can make yours!

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Focus on you! What a great step toward a better life.

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Yeah Im 33 first time I started using was when I was 16 and since I have always been dabbling in something most coean time was 3 months that means with nothing, Ive never been to treatment always done it on my own so I won’t is there something Im missing wtf is wrong with me this last time was the worst thing i lost my job cause of the dope and Im so embarrassed honestly. Do you go to meetings? Im just to be old to be doing this shit its pretty obvious I cant be the occasional user I go big or go home. I just hope I can do it I really do Im scared cause I never have.

Thank you :heart:

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Lol … Im the same way go big or go home when i get high. Id shoot so much dope sometimes my spoon looked like heroin paste lol… And when i drank in my 20s i got smashed. Im also 33 so its a great time to turn things around. No i do not attend meetings. I did this all on my own But im not scared to go to one if i felt i needed to go to one n just listen in. Sometimes just being in that enviroment helps ur mental strength. I hated going to court ordered groups at first but u get used to it. Just make sure to kick and stay away from anyone and anywhere people use. First u have to get thru the detox. U wont feel 100% mentally til 6 months. So just be patient. Its crazy wd last that long mentally but it does. I no longer have to struggle to get motivated in the morning i just do it now. You will see the changes unfold as you keep it up… If you ever have questions or need help i would be glad to help you through it…you deserve it! Just be patient… Days stack so slow at first eventually its like a train leaving station. Once your up to speed it flys by…

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