If you decide to go to AA, make the most out of it. Going to meetings alone will not keep me sober. I had to find a sponsor and work the program. Itās not easy and takes a lot of hard work and time but itās definitely worth it. I found time to drink so I certainly have to find the time to work on my recovery. Wishing you the best on your journey.
Hereās a platform I use on those days I canāt get to in person meetings.
I probably had a thousand day 1ās and now I have 1,758 days of sobriety. Hereās what worked for me.
1.) Two audio books changed my perception of alcohol forever (This Naked Mind and Easy way to Control alcohol). They made me realize that I wasnāt being deprived of anything by cutting alcohol.
2.) I was willing to do whatever it took to stay sober for the day.
3.) I flooded my brain with sobriety related contentā¦ This place, podcasts, audiobooks, youtube. Donāt leave your mind alone to its own devices, it will unknowingly betray you. I spent thousands of hours on recovery, I continue today not because I want to drink anymore but because I want to see others make it. There is no scenario that could lead me back to the bottle today and thatās a win.
The first 10 days are the worst, after that itās a mind game. You are the gate keeper of your mind, open the right gates and find your freedom.
Weāre here for eachother, best wishes.
Thank you. Maybe I will do it today then 
Thank you. Feels like Iāve been on this app trying to keep my mind occupied. Maybe Iāll download a book or something else.
Thanks for the support everyone. I really need it and will try all the advice. I can do it this time.
Itās great youāve arrived at this decision in your 20ās. I wish I had! 
I wonāt live to be 30 if I donāt lol thank u
Just keep coming back. Rinse and Repeat.
Adding you into my prayers. If thereās a will, by God there is a way! 
I am living proof!
Thank you 
I believe in this. I try to have sober readings and people constantly in front of me. So far it is keeping on the sober path.
You can do it! I promise. The best piece of advice that I got and it TRULY works for me anyway, is to get those dark thoughts when you want to drink or use ONTO Paper, I donāt mean elaborate on them, I donāt mean talk about them in any sense, but get them out of your head through your hand and onto the page. Then DESTROY said page, and I swear it is like a āsighā of relief when I do this.
I often journaled to get thoughts onto paper, but never thought of just ādonāt think, just write them all out as they come,ā then once they are done and you have the page GET RID OF IT.
I burn mine for real. (Not condoning pyro)
I wish you the best of luck and we are here for you! Always reach out!
You can do itā¦
You just have to do things differently than the last 100 timesā¦ because those didnāt work. You have to decide that you want to stop, make a plan, figure out what might or might not work in this initial periodā¦ then itās like riding a bike! Always forward, one pedal at a time! I hope i can ride my bike for long time and hope you can ride yourās! One step at a time!
Sounds like a good idea I will try this thank you 
@Angelicasapp I think you should be really proud of yourself for trying again and reaching out to all of us. It takes courage to do so. You acknowledge you have a problem you would like to ditch forever. Thatās huge! So many alcoholics are in denial. But, you are here and we are all here to help you. You are stronger than you perhaps might think right now. But, be proud of being here and trying!
Thank you means alot 
I can relate to wanting to stop, feeling like a failure in succumbing to addiction, and then becoming one of those addicts that literally was walking hand and hand with my addiciton towards deaths door.
It sounds simple. But i REALLY, had to internalize and not just say that i had had enough. I really came to a clear understanding that the compulsion to try to regain the fun and free spirit that i enjoyed in my early addiction had longggggg passed years ago. For the most recent years all i had was trauma, psych ward visits, and true destruction that i had thrown onto my family (mother father and adult sister) who i entangled deep into my addiction and explosive and violent behaviors against their will.
Im in my 2nd stint of recovery rn. 112 days clean or something like that (i hate counting). But in my forst stint one of the counselors explained that she realized she was really going to 
if she went back out there. It sounded so morbid the first time i heard it 2 years ago. Like dangā¦ why is she saying that so passionately and so morbid about it. But i COMPLETELY understand now. I had lived a beautiful life up until 30 when my addiciton hit. And then all of a sudden i opened my eyes and i was truly facing deaths door. Countless fights i could have started, sketchy drug dens, sketchy sex partners, nights and days spent sitting in my car in wierd parts of the city for hoursssssssssss waiting for the people i thought trying to hurt me to go away, countless interactions antagonizing the police, the hospital staff. I was (and am) going to if i dont get a clear understanding of how my addiction has ruined my life.
With that crystal clear understanding of my life being on the verge of either a rebound or an expiration, i found it easier to just acknowledge that the fun has STOPPED, and that i not only needed help, but needed to work on doing whatever i could that i heard from others in recovery and rehabs to get my life back stable.
Its still a work in progress everyday. Im in a decent sober living right now here in chicago navigating all the highs and lows of rebuilding a whole life at 39.
But what makes it easier is knowing that i am absolutely not going to have fun or enjoy using again. My body literally physically deteriorates so quickly when i use, it is not withstanding much more.
But the joy of recovery and rebounding physically and mentally is so encouraging to me.
You can do this sister.
Start saying out loud, to those that know your story that youve had ENOUGH. And you want your life back.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone. You are loved. You are valued. And you are powerful enough to make it through the short period of abstinence building training you need to start working on your long term recovery!
Wow thanks for opening up. It always makes me feel better to hear people going through similar things, that Iām not alone when it feels like u completely are. Your right the fun has stopped and I canāt keep chasing something that is not there I will think about that hard next time I want to use. Thank u
Us booze hounds need to figure out what needs to be differently to achieve what we want and need. Iām in the same shitty boat and doing the same things Iāve always done aināt getting the job done.