Back and forth

A very very bad Saturday of appalling drunkeness and self-pity. Sober since however feeling the pangs of shame at this back and forth into this deep state of abandon. Physical pain too. This is never going away is it?

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The guilt and shame? The physical pain? The self-pity? It all goes away when you get and stay sober over time. If abstaining isnt working…look into more resources to help you. There’s no sense in doing it alone. Continuing to do the same thing over and over expecting a different result is insanity. Be willing to change people, places, and things…put your sobriety first. Ask people who are successful and stable in their sobriety what they are doing.


I think all of this goes away when you are willing to face it head on. I might hurt a bit in the beginning but I fully believe that the relief in the end will be so worth it (I’m not there yet, but I have hope and faith).


I know the feelings well. You hate yourself for being weak. But don’t give. Fall down seven times, get up seven times and you are standing up.

Tell yourself that every single day, every hour that you stay sober is important, matters and is something to be savoured.

No self pity. No self hating. Pick a hero you admire who is sober. Aim to be like them in how you live your life even if you might never live the same life as them.

It has taken me 6 months before I have just started to believe in myself again. I’m not a super achiever or a high flyer but I know at the moment I am doing ok and doing as good as I can.

It is so worth it.

Believe in yourself. Next time that instinct to drink kicks in, politely listen to it then tell it not today as you have a better life to live.


That was me 69 days ago, all those feelings are gone but not forgotten, if I ever think about taking that first drink again I just have to think about that and I’m back on track on my sobriety journey.

AA is a big help as you hear others talking and reminding you how terrible a way of life it is.

Dig deep, you’re on the path to recovery, but as others have said look for the help that you need and accept it, there’s certainly no shame in that.


So. Day 14. Wow. 2 weeks. My last fail almost lead me to do something horrible to myself. You know the drill. But I didn’t and despite the anxiety I suffer with and - probable but undiagnosed - depression it has been a slight improvement. Now for the 100% plant-based diet and daily exercise I promised myself. Rewarding myself with things I deem(ed, past tense!) lame or for other types I now know I need to live happily. So here i am at 3.43 am in a hotel in Berlin. My wife id snoring away and I have my anxiety-ridden insomnia again. We walked 30,000 steps in the last two days and things are improving. She is still suffering from our losses and her own mental battles but I feel there is light at the end of the tunnel. If I could just get rid of the 5 stone excess baggage then this 46 year old might live a long and happy existence. Love to you all xxx.

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