On valentine’s day i fucked up again. I was doing good. I had two months but i wasn’t attending meetings. The desire was not gone and i guess i gave in. I was so sick, i puked my guts out for two days. My whole body is sore and im drained. I think i almost killed myself. I don’t know why this is so hard for me to stop. I fight it, but it always wins. Im a have to go see a therapist. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I missed a homework deadline, i missed school, i missed work. My kids know i was drinking and so does my fieldwork supervisor. I may have lost a dear friend. I lost $500. It just keeps getting worse every time.
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Sorry to hear, but don’t be to hard on yourself. Like you said yourself: maybe you have to add extra help. Glad you are still here with us. It helps me to be here every day to check in sober.
Yes. I knew the cravings weren’t gone. I have to do better because I get sicker each and every time.
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I am at the same point as you. Just hit 2 months & the cravings just reared up super strong the last 2 days. There was lots of rationalizing going on inside my head, that I can just have a drink or 2 - no big deal. Luckily I met up with a friend, who used to be a drinking buddy, who talked me into keeping sober just by saying she was proud of me. I think we all need that support. It sounds like you know you need to find a meeting or someone who will help you, who will conragtulate you & will help you keep accountable. That’s a step forward, and something to add to your sobriety toolbox. If you stayed sober for 2 months just out of willpower you can do even better this next go around with some more support & tools. You got this 
Sorry to hear.
Remember you still have those 2 months, they are not lost.
Back in the saddle! Wishing you all the best.
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Maybe you should start hitting those meetings, believe me that it will just keep getting worse unless you seek real help now
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