I made that classic mistake of being sober for… Well, I lost track, but it was a long time, close to a year. And then I decided I could have “just one”. I grabbed a few infused joints and was going to celebrate new year’s on my own, in space. And then I could go back to being weed free for the rest of 2023. …nope. I decided to stay numb for the first two and a half months of this year. I know why I wanted to be numb…My seasonal depression was through the roof. I was beyond stressed with issues with my child’s father in addition to dealing with my child’s unknown medical issues … and I just felt so lost.
But I am so disappointed in myself. I’m back to craving it all the time. I slipped back into old habits so quickly and easily. And I have so much going for me right now. I’m in school, on the verge of starting my own business, and life is really looking good right now…
So here I am, 12 hours sober fighting every urge to get some weed delivered to me. I hate that I feel so powerless over this. But I’m glad I found my way back here.
Hey, no judgment these things happen. You know what, good for you for being able to own up and be honest with yourself and everyone. Give yourself a pat on the back, feel proud that even though you made a mistake you’re willing to own up. A lot of people recovery hit that stage, where we think we are ready, and one small slip-up leads to months or even years of struggling again. It happened to me the first time I went sober for 6 months, I have a traumatic event happened to me that potentially almost ruined my life and reputation, and I went right back to the bottle saying always just one drink, next thing you knew I was a full blown alcoholic again for a full year. It was hardcore, and a lot of people completely understand where you are coming from.
Sometimes a relapse are going through these stages, is what actually gives us our desire to become the best sober version of ourselves, and it can also be a learning experience. The cravings are super hardcore within the first 24 hours to the first week, but keep in the back of your head and mind , why you are doing this, you will reward yourself more and more and more, the more you become sober and soon stuff that used to be not as entertaining and as rewarding will become the complete opposite and then your body won’t desire stuff like substances as much as it used to.
Just like everyone else, you deserve to be here, and you deserve to be heard as well. If anyone hasn’t said it yet, I’m proud of you and I have faith that this is just one step closer to you becoming the best version of yourself. May the best be with you, and best of luck. ODAAT.
Honestly Drew, thank you so much for that. Thank you for sharing part of your story with me and thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I know there’s no point in being disappointed and upset with my choices. It doesn’t change anything and at the end of the day I’m just human and we all make mistakes… But it’s hard.
…anyways… Thank you so much, I really appreciate you!
Hey @Feeling.great honestly, it’s okay to have bad days, and it’s okay to not feel okay sometimes. Just try to not let it overly consume you, and your day. We as humans are not flawless, we make mistakes sometimes. Just remind yourself even if today is a hard day, better days are coming. Give yourself a pat on the back, forgive yourself, love yourself even acknowledge you’re willing to put in the work even if it take gradual steps to success. Be humble, not prideful. Self care is important during recovery . Especially during the first days. My first day back to sobriety , I spent the day embracing my emotions on my couch literally all day, it wasnt the best feeling, but it got me through to the next day, and gradually feeling better. Remember , baby steps. Don’t overwhelm yourself, and like I said , it’s okay sometimes to not feel okay, as long as you don’t let it overly consume you and your life.
No matter how many mistakes you make in this program, don’t make the fatal mistake of not coming back cause you’re to afraid. Your family is always here. We never judge and always willing to jump into hellfire to help someone who wants out. Many of us have been there and back. We will always be stronger together than we are apart.
I know there’s no point in being disappointed and upset with my choices. It doesn’t change anything and at the end of the day I’m just human and we all make mistakes… But it’s hard.
That sounds really hard on you AND like you learned a lot from it. I am glad you are back.
Glad to be back.