Really thinking about suicide today. I couldn’t handle it so I relapsed
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I felt like that a few times. I rationalized it by thinking that the next step up from death is being drunk.
The fact that you chose drink or drugs over death tells me, and also you, that suicide is not something that you want to do.
Be very careful because the effects of drink or drugs can remove your choice, especially if you have too much or during the subsequent come down/hangover.
Do you have anyone there that can support you immediately?
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Hey bud, I hope you are safe and sound. I know how heavy those intrusive thoughts can be, they won’t last, please don’t let them win; you are valuable to the world, don’t forget that!
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If you can’t think of anyone immediately that you can confide in, stay on here, we’ll all get you through this dark time. I promise
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Hate to hear this! I know the urge to drink/use are always strong problems and it seems suicide sometimes is the only answer! I promise it will pass. Don’t let the negative things in life effect the ways you see this world! It’s a mess out there and you are stronger than you think! When I was in the Marines I use to train my marines and tell them about the 40% rule. When your mind tells you that your to tired and can’t move on or make it just one more day because of stress exhaustion etc. Your body can keep going. It’s just your mind saying you need to give in or quite.
We all have been there and will continue to strive to be there for others! Ptsd and alcoholism is my story and only 3 months and 19 days without a drink. I’ve had some days I wake up ready to give in and have that drink or give in to the nightmares of life but you have to find that one thing that makes you smile and find worth in it! May not help for you but just give it a shot and see what you think. If that doesn’t work that’s ok to. There are so many people here to listen and give advice when wanted and needed. Someone’s ear can go along way! Just keep pushing you’ve got this! Day by day is most of us! Just know your never alone!
Hope you know your worth a lot to someone! Prayers!
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Hang in there Lenny. It sounds like you really need someone to talk to.
And while this can be a good place to reach out, you may prefer to speak with someone in person. Please consider talking with someone about these dark thoughts.
If there is no one in your direct surroundings you can think of please consider a Helpline. They are there to help and listen. Not sure where you are, so I’ll post a few here. Love and hugs friend.
United States
Call or text 988
The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals in the United States. Website also offers an immediate chat box.
Crisis Text Line is the free, 24/7, confidential text message service for people in crisis. Text HOME to 741741 in the United States.
Canada
(https://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/en/ )
Call 1.833.456.4566
Text 45645
UK
Samaritans UK - Call 116 123 any time, whatever you’re going through.
(Also see https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/other-sources-help/ for a list of other organisations offering specialist support)
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Lenny, I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way. Please call a support line and talk to someone IRL. As others have said we are here to listen and support you as much as we can but there is only so much we can do. If you call one of the numbers that @Mno put up, I promise they will help you right now where you are. You are not alone. One thing is for absolute certain…… drinking and or drugging will only make this worse. You are worth a calm, steady safe life 
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Stay on earth. My brother killed himself in 2014 and it ruined my life for a while. Keep working on sobriety
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Thinking about you! It really does sound that you need someone to talk to in person. Are there any groups that are available to talk to?
Check in here please to let us know how your are
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