I relapsed. I made it 48 days. Went to the beer store and bought a 6 pack of 8% dogfish. At first I drank slow then I was chugging it so fast I wasn’t even enjoying it. Like I was on a mission to get fucked up as soon as possible. Kids wouldn’t go to sleep and I ended up passing out in my son’s bed at 10pm. Up at 6 in the morning wretching puking crying with a burning headache. It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t fun. I drank too fast to even enjoy anything. I was focused on drinking. I’m sorry I let myself down. Lost control and looking for something to blame. I can only blame myself. Now my addiction is telling me" you didn’t do it right, you drank too much too fast, maybe next time take it slow and you won’t get sick" it’s amazing how that little voice in your head is so convincing. It’s always there. everyday trying to convince me when how and what to drink. It’s been there all along. I think I quieted it for now after being so sick. I do not want that feeling again. Sorry to have to write this message. But it happened. Hopefully something good will come from it. Emily
You’re back giving it another try and that’s all that matters. Learn from it and carry on. All those sober days are not lost. Give that voice a name and yell at it out loud. Treat that voice like another person and call it names. 
congratulations on turning yet another corner and learning something new. Remember this day until you no longer need to.
We live, we learn, we never regret making mistakes that make us stronger and wiser. We never give in!!
Thank you. I’m trying not to get too upset. It definitely reconfirmed that I don’t want that feeling again. I felt like my head was going to pop when I was dry heaving
I remember when I had an ankle monitor for 6 months and I couldn’t wait to get it off the and drink. I did the same thing and it was horrible. Drank too fast, forgot the night, and had to get out of my car to puke in the driveway before I drove my daughter to school. At that time I still wanted to drink (idk why tho) and pushed thru that hell for another agonizing year and a half. I’m glad you’ve realized, after testing the water(something I did too many times), that you definetly dont want that life anymore. You’ve had a taste of the rewards of being sober already and know the better choice. You’ve admitted it to yourself and everyone here. Now get right back on this sober train and get 49 days and beyond!
Sorry, I just did this a few days ago as well. I was just shy of six months this time. I’m keeping a journal of exactly how it felt this time. It’s just too easy to forget how awful it is. Congrats for coming right back 
Thanks. I was tempted to not reset but I’m only lying to myself. I’m going to keep going. I’ve enjoyed my morning coffee before anyone gets up. Yesterday I was in bed all day. Couldn’t even stand up straight. I kept thinking I’m killing myself
Hi Emily,
Sorry to hear about this. The good news is, doesn’t have to happen again. You can get those 48 days back and then some.
Remember this experience and use it.
Look at your kids, and look at those two Boston terriers you have. They NEED you, and others do too. Be sober and present not just for them, but for yourself.
Take care
Thank you you are right they do need me
Up at 6 in the morning wretching puking crying with a burning headache. It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t fun. I drank too fast to even enjoy anything. I was focused on drinking. I’m sorry I let myself down.
Remember this. Maybe write it down in a journal. Next time that voice tells you to try drinking again, read what you wrote. Being honest is a huge step forward. Now you simply take it one day at a time. I’m rooting for you! 
You are brave to put into words what happened. You are even more brave to accept what’s been and gone. You cant turn back the past. You have picked yourself up and dusted yourself down. 48 days is a massive achievement…I’m sure you can do it again …especially ially now as you realise that you aren’t missing a nice experience. X
Hi my names gemma from uk. I had 2 yrs till about 3 weeks ago. Major relapse. Todays day 1 again
Hey, the majority of us have relapsed. Learn from it, and move on. You’ll get passed that hump if you keep putting in the work
Gemma, thanks for sharing. I’d love to hear more of your sobriety for two years. How you embraced sobriety. I’m sorry you for the replapse. But I know you have great insights if willing to share.
Glad you are back (: i made the same mistake numerous times. and i know that hang over is bad when you dont have the tolerance anymore. Hope you feel better and keep at it.
I also relapsed and now I’m counting down to my big 90. I had almost 1 whole year sober. It killed me. Made me depressed and I couldn’t even enjoy anything in my life. My sons father got very mad at me and wouldn’t let me see my 6 year old boy. Who needs his mom. But now I feel so much stronger. Instead of giving up and relapsing again, I’m doing all the right things to stay on track and get my life back. Hang in there! These relapses teach us how to be stronger. You can do it!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and write in. I think of everyone’s responses and am thankful for people on here who seem to genuinely care. It’s very cool and helps me stay more focused!
Aww Gemma x big hugs
Good for you Aimee. I can imagine how heartbreaking that was, to be separated from your son (and the shame you must have felt about sinking into addiction). It is such a hard, hard feeling 
But you’re doing the right things building your sobriety toolkit, learning how to live life on life’s terms without escaping. You will come out of this an even better mom - and your son will learn strength and perseverance from watching you work your sobriety.
I’m not a parent myself (yet) but I know there are a number of other women here with kids about the same age as yours, who have been in the same or very similar situations (you can find them by searching “kids” or “mom” or other similar terms). You are not alone. Take care Aimee and never give up. You deserve health, happiness, and sobriety - and you are capable of doing it 
Two years is a long time. Kudos. There should be no doubt you can do it!