I’ve read lots of forums, posted on here myself, and people are here for a reason. To better themselves. You’re here because you have a problem. And most likely you’re extremely vulnerable and lost and need support. So I don’t think posts like ‘you drive drunk you do the time’ or ‘sounds like you don’t think you have a problem’ are helpful. That’s the kind of stuff that pushes people back to drinking and using. Just think a tad before you post. Compassion goes a long ways. I’m not saying you should say ‘hey, 3 dui’s is no biggie’ but you also shouldn’t say ‘I have zero sympathy for you, you’re a danger to society and others.’ We’ve all beaten ourselves up enough and need support. We don’t need to be judged more. The courts and ourselves have done that enough.
That’s ridiculous and you’re contradicting yourself. You see people commit suicide daily due to comments from strangers, let alone pick up a drink. If you can’t take a comment you probably should focus on your sobriety? That’s why most of us are on here.
You went from saying people should be kind to others to labelling someone ridiculous in the space of two posts
And that’s why people leave this forum
I went off so often from different forums or online meetings. I rarely did it f2f, I must say. It is so incredibly easy to get misunderstood online.
But I cannot blame others for my drinking. It is my responsibility to say no to the first drink. I did blame others too long in my life. It is hard to see that no one actual make me drink.
I know for me that if people never called me on my bullshit, and there was a lot of it, that I probably would not know what I needed to change.
People don’t come here strong in their sobriety. A lot start their first day here. They are vulnerable, scared, sick, and we’re looking for a safe place.
I don’t understand what you mean?
It’s easier to be kicked in the ass after 600 days than after 3 or getting your 3rd DUI 2 days ago. The mind gets less fragile with time and tough love may work. I’m always pro-compassion but especially early on when people are really struggling.
I tried to AMA from rehab at around 3 days sober once. Instead of trying to get me to stay my counselor said “there’s the fucking door, get walking” I ended up relapsing once more, but that was one of the turning points in my sobriety. I owe that man my life
Words create thought, and thoughts create ideas. Ideas create action and actions have consequences. Therefore, words do have consequences.
Not me. Definitely a trigger for me. Guess we’re all wired differently. My mind is generally in the fog early and I’m not sleeping. So negativity and judgment just make the think screw em, nobody cares. And makes me want to drink. But to each their own I guess.
Totally - I remember a cruel word longer than I do a kind gesture.
I need to add as this is been extremely disappointing lately. I’m not sure who decided some kind of hierarchy here, but it’s getting ridiculous.
This isn’t for perfect sobriety, that doesn’t exist. If it’s that hard for people to show compassion, and furthermore, to feel attacked because compassion comes up in a post, that may be a red flag to focus on YOUR sobriety and not others. This is not just to chatterbox, this is to anyone that thinks compassion is for the weak.
It takes a strong person to show compassion to someone we may feel doesn’t deserve it.
Also, I see a lot of people thinking 2,3,4 years is a long time and think they have it all figured out. They dictate how it should be done, and if you don’t agree, you’re not going to make it or not serous about sobriety. It’s their way or the highway. Guess what, red flag. I’ve seen way too many go out after 10-20 years.
I am never one to get involved in any kind of drama here. I have been on this forum for three years. I have kept my mouth shut on this topic for the most part. However, lately this is really been disappointing.
It’s a big dick contest in a forum of strangers just trying anything they can to get their shit together. People here have psychological issues and trauma, should they not be able to come here until they have completed therapy? Do they not dare share until their sobriety agrees with yours? Do they not have the right?
At the end of the day, we all know how to fucking scroll. Just like I have been doing for three years on this topic. For fuck’s sake we didn’t come here because we were perfect. We all came here because we have a problem. Let me tell you where cockiness gets you… Right back where you came from. The arrogance is embarrassing to watch, and I realize no one will hear what I am saying because they don’t want to. But I have been holding this in for three years. I cannot respect this behavior and all it does is get those blocked who behave this way. Eventually y’all will just be posting to yourselves.
Times 1000. Cruel words stick. No different than winning $100 gambling feels like nothing. Losing $100 and you’re panicking like you’re life is over. Weird analogy but hope you get it.
I’m listening. And I applaud you for your comments. Makes me feel more normal and I thank you for that.
Let’s all have a breather guys.
I hear you, Beth. Sometimes I feel the same and don’t want to comment. But I also feel that I grow in baby steps as this community, although strangers and online, we are real people and I think it pretty much reflects reality in a way. So all we can learn is here. And venting is important as well.
And also I think I did it often in other things, jobs or whatever, criticising at first sight (I don’t mean you or anyone specific). I have to make that clear as I got misunderstood a lot in the last days. I knew everything better. I knew what needed to be done so that this or that worked better. I often heard/read in AA and also here: welcome, have a seat, take a look around, read a lot, get accustomed to the forum. To my experience this worked well. I was in different AA meetings online and often left as THEY were the problem.
