Being and Feeling

I’ve dealt with anxiety and panic most of my life. Not exactly sure why. I’ve always got to be stimulated or engaged somehow, even if mindlessly scrolling through something.

I tried taking a bath just now. Being alone and with myself makes me super anxious. I was afraid I was going to pass out and drown in the bathtub. Any time I’ve used pot, same deal, I’ve got to ground or visions of doom enter my mind.

But this says a lot about my inability to relax and have fun and connect with people. Drinking quells this and is a shortcut. I can’t imagine fun and connection without it. Both of my last relationships started hammered.

My panic used to be so bad listening to the radio or a podcast was the only way to sleep.

Today I’m facing it head on. I’m laying in bed after being depressed earlier, and just being with myself. It’s a little scary. My world had lost its emotional coloring and I start noticing more things.

It feels weird. Kind of a floating feeling. Maybe that’s being unburdened by the weight I’m just used to feeling. Not really sure.


It’s good to face our fears at a pace we can handle. Continue avoiding the fear, and we subconsciously confirm to ourselves that the fear is legitimate, and entrench it. Go beyond our limits, and we scare, also entrenching the fear. Challenging ourselves as we are able, as you are doing, over time shows that what we feared is in fact safe, and claws back the parts of life fear has taken from us.

Good for you, man. Keep on getting better!


I used to think I was super fun and outgoing and charming. I realized I am just a fun drunk and actually quite shy. My new goal is to learn how to socialize and have fun without that.


Welcome @HelenDanger!

I used to think I was super fun and outgoing and charming. I realized I am just a fun drunk and actually quite shy.

I was much the same way - funny, engaging, could make conversation with moss if I had a drink in my hand. Sobriety has taught me that I’m pretty introverted, really dislike large social groups, and need alone time and quiet in order to keep anxiety down. I so wish I had learned all that years ago…


This is exactly me, too. Kind of weird to not know this important thing about myself until now, but better late than never.